Post # 1
I may be a little too sensitive, but here’s the deal:
I have two Maid/Matron of Honor, one far away and one nearby. The one nearby has a new job that is taking up tons of her time, and she called me last week to say she feels terrible and I deserve a Maid/Matron of Honor who can give me the time and attention I deserve. I told her I still wanted her to stand with me at my wedding – she really is a close friend and a huge part of me getting to this place in my life.
First question: should I have just fully let her off the hook? Because now:
Two friends just emailed to tell me they’re organizing my bachelorette. Very sweet! They asked for some details, and I figured I’d cc my Maid/Matron of Honor who’s far away to keep her in the loop and so they can include her in the planning.
Second question: do I also cc the other MOH? Do I just talk to her now and let her off the hook? How do I approach that?
I don’t want busy Maid/Matron of Honor to feel slighted by being included or by not being included. I probably should have just let her off the hook entirely, because this gray area is stupidly sticky.
Post # 3
What do you mean by “let her off the hook?” Do mean kick her out of the bridal party? I don’t really see what she doesn’t have time for – she’s only required to buy a dress and be on time to the wedding (though, yes a lot of BMs and MOHs plan showers and parties and stuff, that stuff isn’t required)… I guess I don’t’ understand why she shouldn’t be there since the bridal party are those you feel closest and what to be there with you as you get married. I say don’t kick her out, but that’s just my opinion. Good luck!
Post # 4
I don’t understand the “let her off the hook” statement either. She’s too busy with her job? Fine, just have her show up for the rehearsal and the wedding. The bridal party is by no means “required” to throw parties for the bride. It sounds like she’s worried that you’ll be upset with her if she doesn’t commit to being hyper-involved during the planning process. If she’s as close as you say she is, I would just assure her that you’re certainly not expecting her to be involved planning/attending parties that she’s unable to, but of course you want her to stand up with you at your wedding. And yes, of course you should still send her the invite for the bachelorette – and all other parties – and let her make the decision as to whether or not she has time to attend. I’d just give the other bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor a heads up that busy Maid/Matron of Honor is really busy with her job, so she might not be able to be involved in planning of things.
Post # 5
I agree with the others… No need to kick her out or un-MOH her, just keep her in the loop with the planning and let her be as involved as she can, and let her know that even if she can’t do anything but show up you still love her and want her to be by your side on your big day.
Post # 6
I think I DO understand the “letting her off the hook” statement. She called you and told you she didn’t feel like she had enough time to be your Maid/Matron of Honor…do you think she was trying to get out of being in the wedding party? From the rest of your post, it sounds like she was basically asking you to let HER off the hook, but you asked that she stay in the wedding party because she is important to you. Is this correct?
Honestly, I would talk to her about it. It sounds like you guys have a close enough relationship that you can ask her if she really would rather prefer to be a guest at your wedding. If she does, let her go. I understand that bridesmaids and MOH’s are technically only supposed to show up on the day of the wedding, but it sounds like you have a pretty involved bridal party-which is great! Maybe she feels she can’t keep up with the rest of the girls, and she’d rather not feel guilty about her lack of involvement.
Talk to her! It’s not you “kicking her out”…it might just be you respecting her wishes.