(Closed) Maid of Honor's boyfriend is total d-bag -INVITE OR NOT???

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
3189 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My MOH’s boyfriend at the time of my wedding was technically still married to someone else who he was in the process of divorcing but it was ugly and there were kids involved, used drugs, was over 10 years older than her, and in general a total douchebag and loser.

And I still invited him. She knew that I didn’t like him and didn’t think the relationship was a good one for her. And yeah, I would of rather not had this guy I couldn’t stand at my wedding. But the day of I didn’t even really notice he was there because I was busy with other things and people. And even though I didn’t like him, she was there on my wedding day supporting me and my husband, and I think it would have been really crappy of me to use that event to exclude her SO and pass more judgement on her relationship. It’s not worth starting the drama and disrespecting your friend – I know you mean it towards him, not her, but it really doesn’t matter – she’s choosing to be with him, so I think you need to suck it up ad incite him.

Post # 18
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would tell her how I feel about him and hope that she didnt bring him.

Post # 19
8700 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would give her a +1, but don’t invite him by name.

If they’ve been together for YEARS, you’re just going to push her away if you suddenly go “By the way, I hate your BF, you could do better, I don’t want him at the wedding”

Her horrible BF choice is her choice until she asks for your opinion (then you get to tell her all about how much you hate him)

Post # 20
19 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

@kellmerr:  completely agree but like I said it is YOUR wedding and as a friend I think it would be rude on her part to invite someone you obviously don’t feel comfortable with. Me personally I didn’t invite him because he actually did something rude towards me and I felt having him there would be an insult towards me since he already tried to ruin my wedding event on purpse but if he never did anything wrong to you I say just suck it up and invite him or at least tell your friend he could go but tell her how much you dont feel comfortable with it this way your still leaving the decision up to her.

Post # 21
1 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I realize this doesn’t directly apply to the question, but I figured I’d give it a shot anyway:

My MOH’s boyfriend made it impeccably clear that he wanted nothing to do with me or the groom. Both of us. Both parties of the wedding. The reason why there is a wedding happening. You just kind of assume that someone who cuts off all communication with you AND your fiance (the two people who ARE getting married at THIS wedding) is going to do the sensible thing and not bend to his girlfriend’s demands by showing up (regardless of the invite) and making for a hugely uncomfortable “gift” for the newlyweds.

Once we found out the Maid/Matron of Honor just “thought it was okay” to just ignore the problem and do what she liked… we decided together that it’s not right to have to put up with a guest who has some childish beef with both of us, and hasn’t bothered trying to repair it before the Maid/Matron of Honor saunters in with him like nothing is wrong whatsoever.

Maid/Matron of Honor bowed out, and neither my now-husband nor I regret our decision. And we both agreed then and there that she never should have been a Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place. It was just too much for her to handle mentally to be that considerate and  have the chops to sacrifice a few hours without her boyfriend for the sake of someone else’s day.

But seriously, who just shows up to a wedding between two people he considers to be “dead” to him, and thinks neither party will be affected? Knowing full well that the bride of groom are aware of his “issue”? On another note, who the heck would bring someone like that? Why would you ever do that to someone, regardless? It’s just cruel. It’s their ****ing wedding, of all days! It’s not just another Saturday afternoon. People don’t even do that at parties! Or they shouldn’t!

I still mostly blame the aggressive Maid/Matron of Honor who “had to have him there”, and who ignored the entire issue of him shunning us without a lick of communication until I addressed it after finding out at the last minute that he was still coming with her to “celebrate our day with us”.

Even if you don’t do anything else for a bride and groom (no planning, no presents, no nothing), at least be ****ing considerate. It doesn’t matter what the nature of the problem is. It’s their wedding day, and hopefully it will be their only one. Have some common ****ing courtesy. The last day you ever want to feel like you’re at the mercy of someone else is on your wedding day. It’s the worst gift someone can give you. To bring their problems with you to your wedding. It’s just messed up.

Post # 22
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I actually have this same issue and do not know what to do…sounds just like my bridemaids boyfriend..what did u end up doing?

Post # 23
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Invite or you risk losing your friend.  If he’s really a d-bag, you know she’ll really need you later.

Post # 24
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@viv85e:  Hmmm. I am not sure if you are looking for advice on this, but I think you should let her bring a guest of her choice. She IS your Maid/Matron of Honor. And you disliking this guy is only going to make her hold onto him tighter. 

If you really don’t want him to be there and end up in any candids or you don’t want to see his face, it’s your wedding day, but Maid/Matron of Honor will probably not be happy. Which reality are you willing to deal with? There isn’t really an easy way to tell her. Sorry they have put you in this situation to choose. 

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