Post # 1
So Bees I thought it was cute and really fun when I started doing stuff with my MoH and now its starting to drive me nuts. When we first started going to wedding shows she would always bring up her wedding and if she saw something she would like at hers or get an idea for hers she would tell me. I kind of noticed that she really wasn’t looking for anything to help me out but I let it pass figuring that when it came down to doing things she would be interested. But it hasn’t changed.
When I talk about my wedding she tells me that her and her bf have discussed this or that and she thinks she wants this now. I need to mention now tha she is NOT engaged. So basically I’m not getting any input from her that I do need to have because she isn’t paying much attention. What has really set me off tonight though you ask…We are going dress shopping on Wed. My plan was to try on wedding dresses and get her to try on bridesmaid dresses. To my shock she suggested that she try on wedding dresses too! WHAT?? Why??? She thinks it would be fun if we both try on wedding dresses. I politely told her that I need her to be trying on bridesmaid dresses, but I’m upset now. I feel like I shouldn’t even need to tell her that when I’m taking her to get a dress, shoes, or something to that effect that I need her to be focused on me and not on her playing dress up and fantasy wedding. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful to her, but I’m feeling like she isn’t taking anything seriously.
Post # 3
Maybe she is just super excited and this is how she is showing it?
It does seem a bit extreme though.
Perhaps you should explain to her that you are the bride and you want to feel special, and appreciate that she wants to be involved but trying on bridal gowns at this time is not the way that she should go about showing her support for you.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is the exact opposite- I have to practically twist her arm into getting involved with anything wedding related & she can’t even be bothered organising a bridal shower or hen’s night for me!
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a balance somewhere in the middle?! >.<
Post # 4
I have no idea how I would react in this situation, in all honesty! It’s not like you are being a bridezilla for asking the Maid/Matron of Honor to do Maid/Matron of Honor things- You’re simply asking of her what anyone in her position should be doing…ANYTHING YOU NEED!
Maybe you could talk to her about how she would feel in your position? She may be able to relate better if it is put into perspective. That way you wouldn’t be confronting her in an accusatory way and she would be less likely to get defensive!
Hope everything gets better! 🙂
Post # 5
That would irriatate me. If her relationship is long-term/serious/headed toward marraige I could understand taking mental notes but trying on wedding dresses!?!!? That is crazy talk! If she wanted to do that then she should make her own appointment, not steal your thunder!
When my two friends who are also engaged come to my appointments, it’s just about me. When I go to appointments with my friends it’s just about them.
I don’t think I’d mind the shopping around for ideas, but I do think she should make it less about her
Post # 6
I would tell her that you are happy she is excited but her trying on dresses and focusing on her imaginary wedding is taking away from the excitement of your wedding. Remind her that once she is really engaged you guys get to do this all over again and have the focus be on her, but right now you could really use her support. You need to be upfront and honest or it wont chance and really take away from your planning experience.
Post # 7
My Future Sister-In-Law is the same way. She is younger than me but in a serious relationship, but there is no engagement talk. When we went dress shopping she was actually looking got dresses for herself, which really surprised me because her and her bf were on a break at that time. I invited her to a bridal show this weekend with my sisters and she couldnt make it because she has to work. Her response was “Im sorry I cant go. I really wanted to go to the bridal so I could look at wedding dresses”. Argh. I just try to ignore her. She does not help with my wedding and is not involved in much. But she always seems to find a way to make everything about her and her dream wedding.
Post # 8
Maybe you could take someone else to some appointments like your mum or another friend?
Some people can’t see past themselves sometimes, we all do it. She is probably a little bit jealous that its your day and not hers.
Maybe have a chat with her and explan how you feel, she probably doesn’t realise.
Post # 9
I agree with kittybee:; it’s possible your friend is feeling a bit jealous b/c she would like to be where you are now (i.e. engaged and planning her own wedding!). Maybe a gentle talk about this would help her see how she’s making you feel and get her back to being a good Maid/Matron of Honor and friend…but don’t mention the jealousy thing, that’d probably make her upset! Maybe you could offer to spend a little time with her looking at engagement rings, or set aside some time to spend with just her and chat about how things are going with her and her SO…maybe that would take care of her need to feel in that “wedding” place herself, without her taking over your wedding-related events.