Maid of honour problem

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry you’re going through this but it seems to me if she’s blocked you, there’s not much you can do. And my bigger concern would be actually repairing my relationship with my sister, not worrying what people think when they see she’s not involved in your wedding. Wait for her to reach out to you; maybe she had stuff going on you didn’t know about that made your wedding cancellation plans sound insensitive. Just see what she says when she decides she’s ready (and if she doesn’t reach out, you have your answer).  Good luck. 

Post # 3
Member
30398 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@denise6578:  Have you rescheduled the wedding? Do you have time to simply do nothing and re-assess the relationship closer to the wedding?

Post # 4
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Ouch. That’s rough.Since she blocked you, seems she might be expecting you to make it official and not have her (or daughter) be a party of your bridal party?

Post # 5
Member
7936 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

This isn’t about other people or what they will think. I agree it depends on how far out you have postponed your wedding to. If you don’t hear from her, I’d send her a letter explaining how much she and her daughter meant to me, but that because they could not communicate with me, it would be best not to have them standing in the wedding. Invite them, but invite a best friend to be an attendant instead. None of the guests will probably think twice about it; it is common for people not to have relatives in the wedding party.

Post # 7
Member
7240 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m wondering how much you skipped over with that “long story short”. You called your sister to complain and she told you about yourself and went straight to blocking? Or did some back and forth happen in that “long story short” time?

Post # 8
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

View original reply
@TwilightRarity:  Agree. I think we need a few more details about how the breakdown occurred. 

Post # 9
Member
7800 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Adding that you should provide more details. Something must have happened if she backed out of your bachelorette the night before and has blocked you. I feel like we are missing a ton of info, and you’re skipping over some important things. 

Post # 10
Member
440 posts
Helper bee

yeah, dont need the drama leading up to and/or on your big day. Keep it memorable…good memories only. I would even expect she doesnt come or she doesnt interact much that day. Just expect the unexpected so you dont feel any of this drama that day. 

i wish you well during these times and i hope you stay excited and positive on every aspect of your wedding and most importantly, your marriage!!! :))

Post # 11
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m really sorry you had to postpone your wedding. You did it for the right reasons, but it still sucks. And with the world in turmoil sometimes it feels like you don’t have a right to be sad. You most certainly do, it’s not a pissing contest of who has it the worst. Changing the date of a really intimate day is saddening enough, it’s worse when you’re expected not to mourn. You’re allowed to grieve, be upset and angry. 

Once you’ve healed, I’d reach out to your sister. Wishing you and your sister the best. It sounds like she means a lot to you; I think you’ll find the way to communicate once you’re not hurting so deeply. You’ve had a crummy year. 

Post # 12
Member
4798 posts
Honey bee

I guess I’m wondering why you’re ruminating about a “maid of honor problem” for a wedding 11 months away instead of wondering how to fix your sister problem now.  Fix your sister problem and the maid of honor problem takes care of itself.  Why was she pulling away?  Is something going on in her life?  Is lashing out in character for her or could something have happened to make her less empathatic than usual?  There’s clearly a lot you’re leaving out because generally people don’t just go from maid of honor to blocking the sister they are allegedly close to on all forms of social media with the only intervening events being not feeling up to going out one night and the sister postponing their wedding due to a pandemic.

I get that she maybe acted shitty, but holding a grudge is both immature and just punishing yourself letting yourself fester in negativity.

You’ve known your sister your whole life (or her whole life, depending on who is older), you were allegedly very close, and instead of wondering how to repair your relationship to have a sister every day of your life, you’re talking about grudges and worrying about where she should sit for a couple of hours one day 11 months from now?

Post # 13
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

If communication was blocked, I’d be on my sister’s doorstep to talk in person and make every effort to hear each other out in the hopes of a resolution (even it’s that we agree to disagree). There’s so much more clarity to be gleaned face-to-face.

Not sure what issues she had with you but, your post sounds a bit me-me-me that you’re worried about seating assignments and the perception of others for a wedding a year away rather than mending the relationship. (much like the PP touched on)

View original reply
annabananabee

Post # 15
Member
8019 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Bee–if you can afford to pay for a wedding you can afford to see a private doctor. 

Stop ruminating over what people may think of your bridal party next year(!)–just back-burner the whole thing for a while–and focus on your health and relationships for now.

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