Post # 1
OK so, we were supposed to be married in May and obviously that was cancelled due to COVID-19. We had planned to get married on our 4th year anniversary. The wedding was cancelled in March, on the same day I lost my job and we lost our honeymoon. Granted, a lot of people are in the same situation as us but I spoke to my maid of honour who is also my sister about it and she basically told me to stop being so self centred, I should count my blessing I have a roof over my head. I literally wanted a bit of sympathy from her as my sister.
This then dragged up a lot of issues that I didn’t know we had. Long story short, she blocked me on all social media accounts and hasn’t spoke to me since beginning of March.
I have the dresses, shoes everything bought and read for her and other 3 bridesmaids. But I really am hurt by her words and actions and don’t want her to be my maid of honour. She’s my only sister but I feel like when I needed her most she wasn’t there for me.
I have been looking at alternative top tables because I cannot stand the thought of having to sit beside her when she has literally blocked me on everything and doesn’t speak to me. Her daughter is also supposed to be flower girl. I don’t want people to judge me on my wedding day for not having her beside me.
I have no idea what to do. I’m very frustrated.
Post # 2
I’m sorry you’re going through this but it seems to me if she’s blocked you, there’s not much you can do. And my bigger concern would be actually repairing my relationship with my sister, not worrying what people think when they see she’s not involved in your wedding. Wait for her to reach out to you; maybe she had stuff going on you didn’t know about that made your wedding cancellation plans sound insensitive. Just see what she says when she decides she’s ready (and if she doesn’t reach out, you have your answer). Good luck.
Post # 3
Have you rescheduled the wedding? Do you have time to simply do nothing and re-assess the relationship closer to the wedding?
Post # 4
Ouch. That’s rough.Since she blocked you, seems she might be expecting you to make it official and not have her (or daughter) be a party of your bridal party?
Post # 5
This isn’t about other people or what they will think. I agree it depends on how far out you have postponed your wedding to. If you don’t hear from her, I’d send her a letter explaining how much she and her daughter meant to me, but that because they could not communicate with me, it would be best not to have them standing in the wedding. Invite them, but invite a best friend to be an attendant instead. None of the guests will probably think twice about it; it is common for people not to have relatives in the wedding party.
Post # 6
We have postponed for next May. We were very very close before this. But she started pulling away around Feb. Decided not to go to the hen party the night before with an explanation of didn’t feel up to it. Very confusing time. I am terrible for holding a grudge but in this instance I feel I should continue to stand my ground.
Post # 7
I’m wondering how much you skipped over with that “long story short”. You called your sister to complain and she told you about yourself and went straight to blocking? Or did some back and forth happen in that “long story short” time?
Post # 8
Agree. I think we need a few more details about how the breakdown occurred.
Post # 9
Adding that you should provide more details. Something must have happened if she backed out of your bachelorette the night before and has blocked you. I feel like we are missing a ton of info, and you’re skipping over some important things.
Post # 10
yeah, dont need the drama leading up to and/or on your big day. Keep it memorable…good memories only. I would even expect she doesnt come or she doesnt interact much that day. Just expect the unexpected so you dont feel any of this drama that day.
i wish you well during these times and i hope you stay excited and positive on every aspect of your wedding and most importantly, your marriage!!! :))
Post # 11
I’m really sorry you had to postpone your wedding. You did it for the right reasons, but it still sucks. And with the world in turmoil sometimes it feels like you don’t have a right to be sad. You most certainly do, it’s not a pissing contest of who has it the worst. Changing the date of a really intimate day is saddening enough, it’s worse when you’re expected not to mourn. You’re allowed to grieve, be upset and angry.
Once you’ve healed, I’d reach out to your sister. Wishing you and your sister the best. It sounds like she means a lot to you; I think you’ll find the way to communicate once you’re not hurting so deeply. You’ve had a crummy year.
Post # 12
I guess I’m wondering why you’re ruminating about a “maid of honor problem” for a wedding 11 months away instead of wondering how to fix your sister problem now. Fix your sister problem and the maid of honor problem takes care of itself. Why was she pulling away? Is something going on in her life? Is lashing out in character for her or could something have happened to make her less empathatic than usual? There’s clearly a lot you’re leaving out because generally people don’t just go from maid of honor to blocking the sister they are allegedly close to on all forms of social media with the only intervening events being not feeling up to going out one night and the sister postponing their wedding due to a pandemic.
I get that she maybe acted shitty, but holding a grudge is both immature and just punishing yourself letting yourself fester in negativity.
You’ve known your sister your whole life (or her whole life, depending on who is older), you were allegedly very close, and instead of wondering how to repair your relationship to have a sister every day of your life, you’re talking about grudges and worrying about where she should sit for a couple of hours one day 11 months from now?
Post # 13
If communication was blocked, I’d be on my sister’s doorstep to talk in person and make every effort to hear each other out in the hopes of a resolution (even it’s that we agree to disagree). There’s so much more clarity to be gleaned face-to-face.
Not sure what issues she had with you but, your post sounds a bit me-me-me that you’re worried about seating assignments and the perception of others for a wedding a year away rather than mending the relationship. (much like the PP touched on) annabananabee
Post # 14
For the very first time ever, the situation is not all about my sister. Its also not ‘me me me’ as so delicately put. The hen party was organised entirely around my sisters needs, she is vegan, we booked a vegan restaurant to eat in, she wanted to see a particular city, we booked a hotel 10mins from the city centre. It has always been about her and always will be.
It’s my wedding day and I am concerned about what my family are going to think if I don’t please my sister.
During the conversation She told me I take little interest in her daughter which was hurtful and untrue. I love the bones of that child and would do anything for her and she knows it. I have an illness which she told me is my own problem because I won’t pay to see a private doctor….something I can’t afford to do.
The conversation was a blame game, I sat stunned, hearing things I’ve never heard before. A lot of personal things have happened in h2b family to which my sister is aware of, she has never asked how we’re doing. It’s all very sad.
I told her I could do with her sympathy rather than feeling like I’m wrong for feeling sorry for myself.
After the conversation I noticed I was blocked but h2b wasn’t. So, he could still see all posts etc. I text and asked why she had done that. She told me her posts are very positive and she doesn’t think I’d appreciate them because I’m such a negative person. We haven’t spoken since.
There’s the long story short.
Post # 15
Bee–if you can afford to pay for a wedding you can afford to see a private doctor.
Stop ruminating over what people may think of your bridal party next year(!)–just back-burner the whole thing for a while–and focus on your health and relationships for now.