Post # 1
Ok so we have had some serious difficulties with our made of honour. It seems like her priority is not our wedding or more importantly our friendship for that matter.
I have bitten my tongue several times with things she has said and done over the past year but it’s getting worse and she doesn’t seem to think there is anything wrong with her behaviour.
She is constantly making comments about her finances and how she has no money. I know she is going through a difficult time and I sympathize, but in all honesty our engagement has been 14 months so I do believe that she’s had ample time to save and prepare financially for our wedding.
She bailed out on our stag and doe and just informed me that she will not be attending my bachelorette now due to the financial situation. She had commenced planning it but most of it was dumped on another bridesmaid who graciously took on the duties because she is not organized.
To make matters worse, she’s agreed to be in another wedding six months after ours (which is totally her perogative to do so) but it’s a destination wedding that is going to cost her and her husband $5000 at least to attend. I haven’t asked her to spend a cent on anything other than her dress which was $135. I was in her wedding years ago when I was in school….I was totally broke but I never so much as blinked when she asked me to spend $250 on a dress I knew I would never wear again. She is constantly referring to the “other wedding this and that” and how she found someone to alter her dress for free so she could save for the the other wedding, etc.
My Fiance and I are thinking about asking her to forget being in the wedding altogether as we are seeing her true colours, priorities and loyalties.
Any advice would be appreciated as this is a situation I NEVER thought I would have to deal with. I love her to death, I really do but I feel like we are growing apart in a big way.
Post # 3
I hate to say this but you may want to ask her to step down. Tell her you don’t want to b a burden on her finances, it’s a good excuse that will help keep her from asking to many questions. I really hope things get better!!
Post # 4
Have you talked about this with her? It seems like something that you should ask her about (since she is one of your best friends) and let her know what you just told us here. Also, perhaps someone is paying for her to be at the destination wedding? You don’t know unless you ask.
Post # 5
@BackyardLoveBird: well she told me that her and her husband are paying to go to the destination wedding themseleves even though they “don’t have the money they are going to make it work”. But for some reason it’s not the same sentiment for our wedding which is really frustrating.
We are not doing anything elaborate for the bachelorette either. Maybe $100 a person tops for a night out and hotel room. She also told me this via email which I thought was a little childish that she didn’t at least call me.
I know if I ask her to not be in the wedding that our friendship will definitely be over.
Post # 6
I’m sorry you’re going through this. She doesn’t sound like a very good friend and certainly not someone who is Maid/Matron of Honor material. You have a tough decision on your hands. If you ask her to step down, 1) it’s only right for you to give her the money back that she spent on the $135 dress and 2) your friendship could possibly be over. Maybe she stays in wedding but not as MOH since she already bought the dress?
It sounds like you two need to have a talk about how you’re feeling and why you chose her to be in your day. Let her know her lack of emotional involvement is hurting you. Good luck!
Post # 7
Just ask her to step down. She is being ridiculous!
Post # 8
Ask her to step down and personally I would totally call her out on her double standard. Some friend.
Post # 9
I think that she doesn’t have the right to be in your wedding party if this is how she is responding to her responsibilities. Sorry that you have to deal with this!