(Closed) main of dis-honor?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 18
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would distance myself a little from a person like that. I would keep them as a friend, but not as a BFF. I dont’ know what you’re saying when she confesses, but I would strongly urge her to immediately make things right. If she doesn’t take steps to change, I would have a problem with having her stand next to me in a marriage. Anything else, but not my marriage because her particular issue is a disrespect of marriage.

If I did see her taking steps to change, then I would graciously ask her back to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Post # 19
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

If it were me, I’d want people standing up with me who really respect the vows and sanctity of marriage…and it doesn’t sound like she does. 

Post # 20
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with everyone that this is tricky, but at the end of the day, she never took vows and she isn’t the one who is cheating on someone.  I think, in general, the people I have seen in her situation deserve pity as well.  I’m sure she does feel awful about hurting someone, and you don’t really know what he’s told her.  Maybe she believes that the marriage is over, that he’s gonna leave the wife, that they are in love…  I’ve seen this a lot, and we all know she will suffer her fair share, in the end.  I personally would still ask her.  Just like how you’d still have your dad walk you down the aisle, even if he got divorced… You gotta have your best friends there as your bridesmaids, and you can’t assume that someone doesn’t respect marriage just because they have made mistakes in their own lives. 

But I’d understand why you wouldn’t want her too.  If she has totally changed into a callous person who you don’t respect, then maybe you don’t want her as a close friend anymore, which would also disqualify her as a bridesmaid.  Maybe that’s the larger question you should ask- is this your best friend anymore or not? 

Post # 21
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@ississues:  Ok, i know that I already gave my 2 cents, but then I saw this, “She is sleeping with both her boyfriend (whom was and has been one of her best friends for years even before i met her and even before they started sleeping together) AND the boyfriend’s dad at the same time and i dont know if she plans to stop.” 

Yowza! That’s really a major breach of basically every relatioship possible: marriage, dating, and friendship. If she doesn’t seem remorseful or see that she needs to stop, I doubt anything in the world woud make me want her by my side in a marriage ceremony if I was in your position. I’m sorry, this must be really tough for both of you, but sometimes hard decisions must be made, and sometimes doing something that may be hurtful to a friend could help her see the situation more clearly. 

Post # 22
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

I agree with past posts. I personally would not ask her to be maid of honor.

Post # 23
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Flippy2013:  actually she IS cheating on someone…her boyfriend…with his father….all while living under their roof and smiling in his wife’s face…

Post # 24
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee

@Taeyers:  +1

Also, go with your gut. Think about it, let it sit in your brain over some ice cream, and do what your gut tells you.

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