- 5 years ago
Hi ladies — I’m going through a little maid of honor/friendship disappointment and could just use a little support! I got married about 9 months ago and had co-MOHs (a friend from growing up and my best friend from college, who I really viewed as my best friend). Things with my friend from college felt strained after my wedding. I think I had higher (maybe unrealistic?) expectations from her and felt like she criticized me for how stressed I acted on my wedding day (it was the end of a very long week where we thought we might have to cancel the wedding due to the fact that my mother-in-law fell ill and was in the hospital all week). Fast forward and my friend from college is now engaged. I expressed to her a few months ago that she should do whatever she felt right for her wedding party and didn’t want her to feel obligated to do anything (I felt like there could be some implicit expectations given that she was just my MOH). She told me at that point that of course I would be in the wedding party. What I was really speaking to, however, was the Maid/Matron of Honor role.
This past weekend she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m excited to be in the wedding party, but I found out from someone else that she asked a mutual friend of ours to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. They are good friends and their friendship has clearly grown (I don’t think they would have considered each other to be best friends, though perhaps that’s changed). Though I respect my friend’s decision and wanted her to do what was right for her, I can’t shake this feeling that this was an explicit confirmation that we’re no longer best friends. It’s really hard. The three of us hung out over the weekend and I felt like I was watching an ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. I think that’s the easiest way to explain my feelings.
In any event, I wish she had just pulled me aside to explain her decision and assure me that she felt like our friendship was strong. It would have been nicer than hearing it from someone else. I don’t feel like it’s right to say anything (I know all of these decisions are hard), but it’s hard not to feel the emotions I’m experiencing. Thoughts? Advice?