Post # 1
I asked my sisters to be bridemaids, I have four of them, so I thought I would ask Future Sister-In-Law to be my Maid/Matron of Honor as well as one of my sister’s. I felt like it would be a way to include FI’s only sibling and all of my sisters. Two weeks after I asked Future Sister-In-Law she and her husband, Bridesmaid or Best Man, decided they didn’t want to travel to Hawaii for the wedding and backed out. Now that the wedding is 4 hours from their house I think they are thinking they should be able to change their minds. I disagree. I already rearranged the wedding party, decided on one MOH/BM instead of two. To top it off the way they back out was mean and nasty. She didn’t even tell me, she told my Fiance. Which made me feel sad because I feel she should have told me herself. Making her my Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place was a tough decision cause I didn’t want to hurt my sister’s feelings by asking her.
What would you do fellow bees if she called and asked to be MOH?? I know what I am doing, but I am curious as to what your opinions are.
Post # 3
I would be honest and tell her that the way she backed out really hurt your feelings. Let her know the wedding party has been finalized for awhile, and while you’re glad she & her husband will be able to attend, she won’t be Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 4
She would be welcome to enjoy the festivities of the day as a guest. Just wondering, is he back on as the best man?
Post # 5
@Ms.Clean: No he isn’t. We both decided that they can attend, but not be part of the bridal party.
Post # 6
She was probably nervous about backing out in the first place so she told her brother instead of you. She’s known him her entire life–it probably felt safer to tell him something un-fun. I’d probably tell my sibling too. Also, your wedding was in Hawaii. Not everyone can really afford to take that sort of trip for a wedding (and many can’t do it even for their own vacation) so her backing out shouldn’t have been that unusual. Now that you’ve revised the setting to somewhere more accessible for her, she wants to be involved again. Why be immature and hold a grudge over something so small? You’re going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life. It’s not an honor to be a bridesmaid–it’s a pain in the butt but we do it because we love our friends and want to help them and support them on their wedding day. She cares enough to want to buy a dress she is never going to wear again, buy shoes, chip in on your bachelorette party and all of the other nonsense that bridesmaids have to do.
Chill out. It’s not all about you.
Post # 7
@zomgwut: She hasn’t asked yet and if she doesnit will still be no. Before we even asked people to be inthe bridal party we talked iwth our families about a Hawaiian wedding and they were all on board. I am not mad she backed out, I understand about the finances being a reason, but that wasn’t their reason. I am mad at how nasty she was when she did. I think it is an honor to be asked to stand up for someone at their wedding. Everytime I was asked to be a Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I cried when I was asked to participate. Just a side note, she wasn’t even going to attend the brdal shower or help with the bill. My sisters and I are paying for it. And we aren’t having bachelor/bachelorette parties so that isn’t a burden either.
And it is all about Fiance and I. Atleast that is what he and our families keep saying
Post # 8
FWIW, I probably would have talked to my brother about it too, if I was in FSIL’s shoes. I don’t know about the mean part – I guess that it would depend upon what was said and how – but I would be much more comfortable talking to my family member as zomgwut suggested.
Tough situation, though.
Post # 9
There are nice ways to back out of things like this. Stuff happens, and you understand that. She could have been much more gracious about it, because it is a big deal that you asked her to be in the wedding party, especially as an Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve always seen being a bridemaid as an honor; I’ve never thought that it’s a pain to be in one of my friends’ weddings.
I agree that from here on out, she can enjoy your wedding as a guest. But maybe to mend fences a little bit, would you be willing to include her in any festivities like your bachelorette party or anything? I only ask because she’s going to be part of your family for the rest of your life, and I don’t want you to look back and wish things had been different.
Or maybe there’s another way that you can include her in the day without re-rearranging the wedding party? Could she do a reading or something?
Post # 10
@Gemstone: If we decide to have a bachelorette party then by all means she will be invited. I love her and want tp onclude her in the wedding, just can’t add her back to the bridal party. The original plan was for bit my Maid/Matron of Honor to do a reading so we will probably still go with that plan. If she aplogozed then I might be more willing to bring her back into the party as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but she hasn’t and probably won’t. She is very stubborn, even more than I am. It is just a sticky situation all around. I hope they decide to attend the wedding so we can include both of them in some special way. Thank you for the suggestions.