(Closed) Maitron of Honor

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you let your FSIL be MOH again after backing out?
    Yes : (4 votes)
    16 %
    No : (21 votes)
    84 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1111 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would be honest and tell her that the way she backed out really hurt your feelings.  Let her know the wedding party has been finalized for awhile, and while you’re glad she & her husband will be able to attend, she won’t be Maid/Matron of Honor.

    Post # 4
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    She would be welcome to enjoy the festivities of the day as a guest. Just wondering, is he back on as the best man?

    Post # 6
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    She was probably nervous about backing out in the first place so she told her brother instead of you.  She’s known him her entire life–it probably felt safer to tell him something un-fun.  I’d probably tell my sibling too.  Also, your wedding was in Hawaii.  Not everyone can really afford to take that sort of trip for a wedding (and many can’t do it even for their own vacation) so her backing out shouldn’t have been that unusual.  Now that you’ve revised the setting to somewhere more accessible for her, she wants to be involved again.  Why be immature and hold a grudge over something so small? You’re going to have to deal with her for the rest of your life.  It’s not an honor to be a bridesmaid–it’s a pain in the butt but we do it because we love our friends and want to help them and support them on their wedding day.  She cares enough to want to buy a dress she is never going to wear again, buy shoes, chip in on your bachelorette party and all of the other nonsense that bridesmaids have to do.

    Chill out.  It’s not all about you.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    FWIW, I probably would have talked to my brother about it too, if I was in FSIL’s shoes. I don’t know about the mean part – I guess that it would depend upon what was said and how – but I would be much more comfortable talking to my family member as zomgwut suggested.

    Tough situation, though.

    Post # 9
    Hostess
    16195 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    There are nice ways to back out of things like this. Stuff happens, and you understand that. She could have been much more gracious about it, because it is a big deal that you asked her to be in the wedding party, especially as an Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve always seen being a bridemaid as an honor; I’ve never thought that it’s a pain to be in one of my friends’ weddings.

    I agree that from here on out, she can enjoy your wedding as a guest. But maybe to mend fences a little bit, would you be willing to include her in any festivities like your bachelorette party or anything? I only ask because she’s going to be part of your family for the rest of your life, and I don’t want you to look back and wish things had been different.

    Or maybe there’s another way that you can include her in the day without re-rearranging the wedding party? Could she do a reading or something?

    The topic ‘Maitron of Honor’ is closed to new replies.

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