(Closed) Major Birth Control Fail. Feeling awful & like a failure (long)

posted 8 years ago in Wellness
Post # 17
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you want the permanent percedures (tubal ligation/vasectomy) you are well within your rights to demand them. Just because it is recommended that it is not done to under 25’s does not mean that they cannot do it. Find a new doctor (a reproductive health professional), explain everything that you have here and insist on the procedure. I am pretty sure a reasonable medical professional will be able to see the need in this case for the procedure.

What if you miscalculate and the family planning method fails and you end up pregnant? Is the doctor that refused your other procedures going to raise the child for you? Pay for the child or a termination? Pay for the counselling after a termination? A big No to all that.

Doctors make mistakes, doctors are human and sometimes lack judgement. Never ever  take what a doctor says as the bee all and end all. Do your research and demand your rights to proper medical care and the medical care that is right for you and your situation.

Post # 18
Hostess
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had that exact same reaction last week, I kid you not. I would give a shot at charting as it seems (from what I’ve read/heard.

Post # 19
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you should try to find a doc who’ll give your husband a vasectomy. If they don’t want to do it, see if freezing his sperm will change their mind at all. Go through every last horrible detail of your BC odyssey, and explain that him getting snipped is basically the only thing that can save your sex life, otherwise you’ll be popping out babies all over the place. Talk to your normal gynecologist, his doctor, planned parenthood, everywhere. You’ll be able to find someone if you’re persistent.

Re: Natural family planning – there are apps you can get on your phone to chart it. I just used one for knowing when my period would come, not for any sort of family planning, but they are very useful.

(Also, on the off chance, you already tried the copper IUD, right?)

Post # 20
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have you tried the shot? How aboutjustusing spermaside, or the sponge?

 A co-worker of mine has had the Essure method done. It was not surgical- i think she said it took 20 minutes and in 3 months she’ll be good to go!She’s 24-so there are drs out there willing to help.

Post # 21
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
@PacificMrs:  The OP has already specified that birth control pills are not an option for her.

Post # 22
Member
3716 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

If you do natural family planning, you need to give it 3+ months for your body to stabilize because you have hormones in your body. It isn’t rocket science, but I know several rocket scientists who have kids because their cycles (or their wive’s cycles) hadn’t stabilized yet.

Have you tried the spounge or a diaphram?

Post # 23
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was super naseaus the first couple months on BC.  eventually my body got used to it.

Post # 24
Member
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you are !00% sure you do not want children, and I mean completely sure then explain these symptoms to a doctor. There are doctors who will tie your tubes under special circumstances and it sounds like you are definitely in that category. 

Post # 25
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@PinkMermaid:  wow, your husband is the best! What a sweetie.

 

I agree with the other bees, give charting a chance and use the pull-out method. You can never be 100%, but it will still be very effective. (we actually don’t use any form of BC either– pull out method)

At least give it a shot, your sex life is important (you obviously know this because you wrote the post!) 

Post # 26
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@PinkMermaid:  Something occurred to me today: you mentioned that you were on the heaviest day of your period when all this went down (I assume day/night before yesterday?) If so, you are just a few days in to a new cycle.

If you’re up for trying the charting, even if you don’t have the TCOYF book yet, it’s probably a good idea to start tracking your temperatures. It takes a while to build up enough data that you can really start to see a pattern, and the earlier you can start, the better. Plus, the closer you can start to the beginning of your cycle (day 1 of your period) the more complete your first chart will be, and that will be helpful too.

To get started, you will need a thermometer that lets you easily read tenths of degrees (digital is nice, but any kind will work). Keep it by your bedside, and start taking your temperature first thing when you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed. Ideally you want to try to take it at the same time each day, but the main thing is to get into the habit of taking it. Jot down the temps, and once you get the book and a printout of the chart, you can fill them in. At first it will look like a confusing zigzag – don’t worry, over time you will start to be able to spot the patterns. There are other details that you can worry about down the road (as a PP mentioned, your body may take a few months to get the hormones out of your system and settle into its natural groove), but if you can start getting temperature readings on this cycle, it will help you get a feel for how things work. Then you can build from there.

Post # 27
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

One more vote for trying the whole charting thing, with caution.

BUT ALSO: your sex life with your husband is not over. The intimacy of traditional intercourse is lovely, of course, and I can see why you’re grieving the difficulty you speak of. But please, please don’t give up on all the other wonderful ways to give each other pleasure that don’t involve the danger of conception. You can still maintain the connection that intimacy brings you, even if this option needs to be off the table for a while or on it much less frequently than you’d prefer.

Post # 28
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

wow, this is terrible! And I agree – it’s ridiculous that you can be deemed able to have a child at 21 but not NOT want a child. Either choice is one you have to live with forever – but I think it’s easier to adopt later (or have a child another way) vs. having a child that you shouldn’t have. 

 

If you want to try the charting, go ahead. I think I would go to your doctor, tell this story, reiterate your history and demand a vasectomy for your husband. It’s reversible. Say you’ll sign any and all waivers removing responsiblity from the doctor if in 10 years you decide you want 8 kids and want to blame the doc for not advising you correctly. 

 

You shouldn’t have to live like this!

Post # 31
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

How many doctors have you consulted about the tubal or vasectomy? I know a couple that knew from very young ages that they wanted to be child free. It took 4 doctors, but they finally found one willing to perform a vasectomy on him at age 22. She never found one willing to perform a tubal on her (seems to be a recurring theme according to stories I’ve heard, apparently doctors don’t trust women’s judgment). Do you have insurance? Call them, they were the ones that recommended the doctor that ultimately performed the surgery. From their point of view it’s a good thing – saves them from ever having to shell out cash for pregnancy and birth related costs! Seriously, I would become a giant pain in their ass until someone agrees to do the procedure.

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