(Closed) Major BM issue!! Sorry it’s long but I need help!

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

She’s clearly displayed a history of bailing on you. The last thing you need is for her to bail on you on the wedding day as well. Just as she’s been in the past, it’s likely she’ll continue to be this way ie. shower, bachelorette party, etc. It might be her passive agressive way to tell you that she’s simply not interested in being in your wedding at all. So maybe it’s best to approach her with it and give her the out. Ask her straight if she still wants to be in it at all? The stress that she may cause if she stays in your wedding party but isn’t participating in anything is not something you need. Believe me. 

Goodluck! 

Post # 4
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

She sounds like an old roommate of mine. If you’re already worried about how she’s going to be closer to your wedding, I’d find a polite way to let her back out. Ask her if she’d prefer to do something else such as be the guestbook attendant.

Post # 5
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I agree with Ms. Snowpea and Emily. You should sit her down and tell her how you’ve been feeling and ask her straight out if she’d rather not be in the wedding, as that’s the impression you are getting and you’re really dissapointed in the way she’s been treating you. You should focus on your friendship with her and figure out what is going on there before you delve into the wedding stuff. It sounds to me like there might be something going on with her personally…is she jealous that you’re getting married? Is she upset about something you did? Is there something going on in her personal or family life that’s upsetting her? Best friends usually don’t let you down over and over…there’s probably some sort of reason behind it all. Perhaps you can get it out in the open and try to work through it. If she’s not responsive to talking with you about it, then perhaps you should request for her to not be in the wedding…but only if that’s what you really want. It sounds to me like this is a person who has meant a lot to you in the past…make sure that you really don’t want her to take part in your special day before you make a move like that. Good luck…I hope that you two can get back on track.

Post # 6
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

This may be hard to hear, but to me it actually sounds like she’s trying to bail on the friendship rather than just the wedding.  But in a passive aggressive way, like Miss Snowpea said.  She is supposed to be your best friend yet is breaking plans that have been in place for months and have cost you significant money in order to hang out with someone else.  The plans that she is breaking are not all casual plans; the Rascall Flatts concert for example was something that was very important to you and could not be rescheduled.  She is sending you a message.

I would normally not advocate asking a Maid/Matron of Honor to step down as it can be quite rude to do so.  But in your case, I would ask her to step down as she has let you down several times and deliberately lied and hurt you.  This is not someone you can rely on.

Post # 8
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yeah. I would definitely have her step down. Even if, during whatever conversation you have with her about it, she says "Oh no, it’ll be fine, I’ll do it!", I’d persist in letting her know she shouldn’t be involved. She sounds like she clearly has no problem committing to very important things with you then lying to your face about why she can’t do them. As smart said, you can’t rely on her.

Post # 9
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks

Sweeney – reading this is absolutely heartbreaking; I’m so so sorry you had to go through it!!!  I really think you did the right thing though, if she was just going to be more stress and agony all along the way, then there’s no reason to keep her involved.  Perhaps this is just the wake up call she needs to reevaluate things and come back to the friendship, but I agree that it does sound like she was just ready to give up.  Even her gift comment just sounds false.  I don’t really have any good advice for you, but just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you, and I think you did the right thing by standing up for yourself, and HUGS!!!

Post # 10
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

It’s heartbreaking to end a friendship that goes back so long, and I know how much it hurts.  It’s the right thing to do if she is walking all over you though and causing you a lot of stress and pain.  That’s not a healthy, happy friendship.  It’s like breaking up with a boyfriend you love but treats you poorly.  It’s for the best, but that doesn’t make it easier to go through.  We’re all here for you. 

Post # 11
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

that’s just pure crap. I apologize i can’t help ya out (i’m having MOH/BM issues as well). the other thing i can say is that we are all here for ya so spill it! 🙂

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