(Closed) Major debate with future in laws.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 48
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I haven’t read all the comments, so sorry if I am repeating things that have already been said. But from reading your posts, my interpretation is:

1) she does not approve of your relationship

2) she wants the wedding postponed hoping her son will change his mind about you

3) she is terrified of you getting KU because then her son wouldnt be able to make a clean break from you if he did ever change his mind.

What I would do in your position (and in the past I was in this position): Have your Fiance talk to her privately, one on one and say “You do not need to agree to my decision, but you need to accept it. I am an adult and this is what I want. It is not your responsibility to question my decisions, and I do not welcome your crtiticism’. I would also specify that you do not appreciate her ‘recruiting’ FI’s sister to her point of view. I would have him tell her that if she continues to behave so immaturely about this, that contact between the 3 of you will be limited and strained.

This woman needs a harsh dose of reality.

Post # 50
Member
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MissCoffeeBean:  LOL I know what you mean its similar in the “taking him away” factor but diff situations.Im just waiting for the day to come where we have to implement out boundaries…. long story short they’re italian so they have huge tempers and take everything personal… so DH has made it clear we cant actuall sit down with them like adults and talk/tell them our boundaries (so ridiculous)…..so WE have talked the 2 of us about what will and wont be happening in our house…. so Im just waiting for the first “sleepover” request to come and wtf DH is gonna do. We agreed on like speacial occasions like x-mas etc… or if someone obviously (accidentally) drinks too much, but not like “planned sleepovers” with mommy and daddy… thats just fucked up in my option. We always get together on sundays so I dont see WHY it should come up anytime soon? (the only way they would is if they were over on a saturday night) so I just need ot make sure Dh never invites them over on saturday evening until this “far away” drama passes….. saturday lunch, or anytime sunday is enough options they shouldnt be able to wiggle out of it 😉

Omg I just cant believe her comments about pregnancy??? like that blows my mind. To be honest I’d try to say something to her just for shock value… It’s almost like she needs something said to her that would like WHOA I cant believe you just said that.

Maybe you can try “actually I really dont like you constantly commenting, questioning and inquiring about our unprotected sex life …. how about the next time we’re going to have sex I give you a call to give you a heads up….would you like that? I can leave it on speakerphone if as well so you can hear the condom wrapper???”

LOL…..if she looks at like OMG and freaks out whats wrong with you??? you can tell her how she feels right now is how uncomfortable you feel everytime she pokes at your weight and “ask me if Im pregnant and telling me to kill the baby”….so how about you shut the fuck up from now on because 2 can play at this game! Honestly At this point I would have enough by now!! Or you could just tell her with a straigh face….YES WE’RE PREGNANT…..SO EXCITED, WE WERE ALSO TOLD IT MIGHT BE TWINS…and just let her have a tantrum and then explain to your man you guys need some space from his family!!!

Post # 51
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MissCoffeeBean:  My normally kind mother turned into a straight up bitch when she started menopause. I think that combined with the fact she is in denial about her age and not wanting to get older probably plays a huge part in the way she’s acting . If he gets married that mean she’s older. If he has kids that makes her a Grandma. Fiance needs to talk to her because it’s not fair to you to suffer due to her own issues with herself. 

Post # 52
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

@MissCoffeeBean:  Even if she did start the conversation, you still don’t have to engage. If anyone is going to have that conversation with her, it should be your fiancée. 

Post # 53
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissCoffeeBean:  I’m going to be blunt: do they hate you? It sounds like none of the reasons theyve outlined make any sense, so I can only think that there must be another reason? 

My family did this with my uncle… He was dating a gold-digging stripper that flirted with all of our male relatives (including my dad! Side story: she would always sit next to my dad and tuck her feet under his butt when she was talking to him! ha!!) anyway, they were serious and we were so scared they would get married!! 

Anyway, have you had a falling out? Is there a reason they don’t like you? Not saying their reason is valid, just curious.

Post # 55
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissCoffeeBean:  oh wow that really sucks 🙁 when you say her do you mean your Future Mother-In-Law or FSIL? im sorry you’re having to deal with that!

Post # 56
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

Wow!!! They sound like such peaches!!! Honestly, as long as you both are on the same page thats what matters. If he has made up his mind, it will happen withouth their approval.

Post # 58
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@MissCoffeeBean:  I’d just stop responding to these comments. Say something like “it’s not up for discussion” and don’t engage. I can imagine this is extremely frustrating… I wonder what she’d think about me… I’ll be 25 when I get married!

Post # 59
Member
796 posts
Busy bee

@MissCoffeeBean:  she sounds freakin’ psycho. What the hell? It’s not like you’re two 16 years olds still living at home that suddenly had this brainwave to get married. It’s been 4 years of a loyal, loving relationship to get to this point! It is definitely time to say ‘getting married is something we both want, you need to back off and keep your judgments to yourself’. It probably needs to come from your SO that your impending marriage is not up for discussion. And I agree with PP that say your uterus is none of her business and tell her that.

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