(Closed) Major Divorced Parent Drama!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Macintoshpeony:  I know this is hard, but your mother has her own life to lead. If your dad deserves to go to jail then he should go to jail, regardless of whether there is an engagement party to attend. No, I do not think your mom is being selfish for exercising this option (of sending your dad to jail).

If your mother talks of eloping again, say something along the lines of, “Well everyone else wants to see us get married, so we’re not eloping”. If she threatens to not attend, call her bluff, i.e. say you’re doing the wedding as planned anyway. Assuming she attends the wedding, ensure people who don’t get along are seated well apart.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

No, I don’t think your mom should “just give up” her legal right to support just so your dad could attend your engagement party. (FYI, the only way to get through to most addicts is to hold them accountable for their actions. Al-Anon 101.)

No, I don’t think your mom owes your Future In-Laws any gratitude for paying for your wedding.(It’s your wedding, not hers.)

No, I don’t think your mom should curtail her shopping because that way she could pay for more of your wedding. (See above.)

No, I don’t think you should cancel the wedding and elope as your mom suggested. (See above.)

No, I don’t think you should keep discussing the wedding with her.

Yes, I do think you should put extra care into the seating chart.

Post # 5
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@geekspice:  All of this.

 

I think you’re annoyed at the wrong person here.  He had the choice to pay her or not.  He knew jail time was a possibility.  Don’t be annoyed with her because she is insisting he follow a court order.  Be annoyed with him for refusing to do what he’s supposed to do.

Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@geekspice:  +100000

I agree with everything geekspice said.  If your FIL’s are helping pay for your wedding it is up to you and Fiance to thank them, not your mom.  It isn’t anyone’s job to pay for your wedding but yours (unless someone offers).

Your mom has gone a very long time without the support your Dad was ordered to pay – why should she not hold him accountable?  Because it doesn’t time out well with prewedding parties?  Your father could have stepped up to the plate and taken care of this, but he chose not to.  Alcoholism is rampant in my immediate family so I know the toll it takes.  

Stop talking to family members about it and let it go.  She had every right to do this and your father is accountable and responsible for him being in jail, not mom.  

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Sometimes a really good vent can help get things out and clear your mind.  Remember – NO ONE can ruin any party or event you have for your wedding unless you allow it.  If someone tries to start something you have to CHOOSE to rise above it and not let someone else’s actions ruin your mood.  Having alcoholism in your family truly sucks.  If you have Al-Anon (for family and friends) I really encourage you to attend some meetings and get some support.  It can do wonders!

Post # 9
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am going to agree with everyone else.   The person responsible for your dad being in jail is your dad. As to everything being about her, am I right that she raised you without child support?  Are you crazy?   YOU should thank your inlaws, not her. 

Post # 10
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Everything geekspace said. And I get it, my parent’s cant contribute either. But it’s my wedding, not theirs. 

Post # 11
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oh, and many hugs. I have been in your shoes on more situations than I will post on here. 

Post # 12
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@geekspice:  

i agree i agree i agree

people go to jail for not paying child support,he shouldnt get a free pass,maybe it will sober him up and give him time to think over his life choices with a clear head

Post # 14
Member
1106 posts
Bumble bee

I feel bad that your dad is in jail and will not be there for your engagement party.  Will he be there for the wedding? I hope so! While it is his fault, I think that your mom could have been a little bit nicer about it and realized how stressed the situation is going to make you during the time leading up to your wedding.  It is not exactly up to your mom how happy you are, but she does sound like she is being a little selfish here.  I understand he did break the rules, but why did she not try to have him jailed sooner then? Why did she not try to get him help years ago? And also, why was he still expected to pay her money after he lost his job? I’m guessing he was laid off because it was a few years ago when all the lay-offs happened so that’s not cool, either.

*hugs* I hope everything works out for you.

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