May I suggest that you send these people a hand written note on lovely stationery and say “I was so excited when I got engaged that I wanted the entire world to know and wanted the entire world to witness our vows. I now realize that due to finances we have to cut back our list and we have changed our minds and need to have a smaller wedding than anticipated. We hope you will understand and did not inconvenience you in anyway. We wanted to give you ample notice to free you up to make other plans.
We hope all is going well for you.
Sincerely, ” [if you don’t know them that well.]
Or something to that effect.
Or send out a flyer style computer generated announcement:
Dear Friends: Due to unexpected budget cuts we are downsizing our wedding. We know you will understand the predicatment we are in and how hard it is for us to send this out. We were so excited when we were engaged we were unrealistic in planning our initial invitation list.
or how about
Dear _____ : We want to let you know that our plans for our wedding have changed and as much as we had wanted you present to witness our owes, we have budget constraints and will have a much smaller wedding than we initially anticipated. It is really hard for us to write this letter, but we know you will understand.
My sense is if you feel this way, they probably do also and will be thrilled not to have to attend [no offense intended]. You can then give those coveted places to people who really matter. I do not think work pals have a place at weddings anyway. They are situational acquantances, not friends. In our lives there are people “we know” and people whom we call friends. Weddings should be for friends only. You definitely do not owe your former boss an invitation. She’s history. And, do not invite your present boss either. I’m sure s/he would rather spend an evening with people they call friends instead of co-workers and people they supervise. Think of how awkard it will be for her. Who will you be able to seat her with? With whom will she talk with?. Just keep spreading word at the office that it’s a small wedding and that you have such a large family, it’ll be bigger than you wanted. Refain from speaking about the wedding plans at work. That’s what this blog is for. Talk to us. Even friends don’t want to hear the endless details; especially if they are single and still looking for someone special. Our weddings can be such a bore for other people to listen about!!
These weddings end up costing so much money, you should only have people there you love and who are part of your lives. Bosses and work pals are not part of your forever life. You need to ask yourself “is this person worth the $150.00 pp I am spending on them?” [when you add up the dress, shoes, invitations, stamps, venue, church, clergy/officiant, license, meal, music, flowers, favors, honeymoon, etc it adds up before you know it!!.]
Please keep in touch and let us know what you end up doing. We all can learn from each other and this is one area where I am sure we have all made this mistake and need to find a way out!