(Closed) MAJOR ETIQUETTE QUESTION!!! please help!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

She should’ve consulted you, but really, you must extend the invitation to her Fiance now that she’s engaged anyway unless you are inviting other engaged and married people without their SOs.

Post # 4
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  Agreed. These things happen. Imagine if this happened to you after you got engaged and people insisted that your Fiance couldn’t come.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Ditto what PP said – especially if the guy will be visiting from Europe at that time. (Surprising … are you 100% sure he’s actually coming?)

Post # 6
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

If she got engaged afterwards, you are not obligated to extend the invite to her FH (according to etiquette).

However, that’s not to say it wouldn’t be polite. If this friend is important enough to warrant an invite to your “intimate” wedding, then it would probably be beneficial to the friendship to invite her SO. BUT it’s not required.

Post # 7
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mrsSonthebeach:  +1

Sorry, OP. It stinks for you, but I don’t think there is a good way to tell her he can’t come.

Post # 8
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Jenniphyr:  I’m sorry; I disagree about the etiquette point, and I will explain why. This wedding is in December, unless the OP’s info is wrong, which means that these invitations went out uncommonly and contrary-to-etiquette early. If she had sent the invitation at the 8-10 week mark, then this friend would’ve been engaged for MONTHS before she received her invitation.

Post # 9
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it really depends on how good of a friend she is to you. If it was one of my bestie’s I’d let it slide and accommodate the Fiance. If she was just someone I see rarely, don’t speak to much, and she didn’t factor into my daily-monthly life, then I’d call and tell her that at this stage in the game it’s just not going to happen. Be polite. Apologize. Explain to her the tight parameters of your guest list, and the fact that you’ve already reached capacity and cannot possibly start adding any names to the list. Just say that you can barely afford to pay for those you invited, never mind the people you didn’t invite! Make it jokey if you have to. And maybe offer to have the 2 of them over after the wedding so you can get to know him better?

Post # 10
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Super annoying the situation but I think you should accomodate since it is her fiance. 

Post # 11
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@mrsSonthebeach:  Yeah I was thinking that too….something does not add up.

REMOVED comment so some people don’t flip out. Sheesh!

Post # 12
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh Dear God! Here come the troll accusations!

As for her invitations being sent out early…it’s not uncommon. We sent ours out in January, with an RSVP date of April 1st, and our wedding is on September 19th. A lot of people will be traveling to ours, so we sent them super early for people to make their plans.

Post # 13
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@mrsSonthebeach:  She says in her post the wedding is a month away.

And yeah, I agree it would be nice if she invited the fiancé. Hell, it’s probably the “right” thing to do. But it is not REQUIRED. The invites were sent out before the couple got engaged; according to traditional etiquette, she is not required to extend the invitation. Recommended, perhaps, but not required.

Post # 14
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You should have called or otherwise contacted her after her engagement to tell her that, of course, her fiance is invited to the wedding as well.

Post # 15
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Jenniphyr:  I believe she is referring to the date of her wedding mentioned in her profile as December 14, 2012….which means she sent out her invites ridiculously early.

 

So is the date wrong OP? Or did you in fact send out your invitations nearly six months prior to your wedding?

Post # 16
Hostess
11168 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@MrsPuddingface:  Oh geez….

 

And I do believe STD’s were created for that very purpose, of letting your guests know in advance the details. Again, I don’t see why anyone would send out the actual invitation and RSVP so early. Let’s say I RSVP for your wedding in April… a lot can happen between April and September so it is my belief that those RSVP’s will be quite inaccurate.

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