(Closed) Major fight with mom

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Valerita:  I’m really sorry you are so stressed.

It sounds like you mom is stressed and fed up too. 

Did she offer to help with the wedding? Or did you just assign her a task?

Honestly, the only ones who are “required” to work on wedding projects for your wedding are you and your Fiance.

It sounds like she feels you are being ungrateful and demanding (and honestly I can see a bit of that).

My BMs did nothing for my wedding and I didn’t expect them too. Their lives are very busy. My mom helped some, but only because she offered.

I didn’t “delegate” tasks to anyone.

I know life has been stressful but it sounds like you need to try and make sure you are showing your mom you appreciate all she’s doing to help with the wedding AND that she’s letting you live back at home. 

I know the last month before the wedding can be really stressful, try and take a step back and a deep breath and try to see it from her perspective.

Be thankful for any help you get with wedding stuff because none of it is “required” of your parents, bridesmaids, etc.

Post # 4
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@KatNYC2011:  I was going to comment, but I think you said everything I was going to say.

Post # 5
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@KatNYC2011:  Completely agree.

This isn’t your mom’s wedding, and these aren’t “her jobs”. This is your wedding. The work should be done by you and your Fiance. Now that your are done moving and with exams, take a deep breath and wrap up any wedding stuff that needs to be done.


Post # 6
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@KatNYC2011:  I did not delegate tasks. However, the minute my mom asked if she could have something to do, I handed her all the floral stuff and told her to “go to town”!!

I remember graduating, moving, all that. It was an exhausting time. I think I slept for a week.

Remember…this is the first time living at home in 3 years. It is hard for mom to share her space, too. Maybe once you two have a little space for a few hours, go tell her you are sorry and that you just need a day or two to rest and then you will be up and at it again.

My suggestion? You have a month until your wedding. Give yourself today, tomorrow and the weekend to rest and feel better. Decompress from school. Monday, get up and get moving on the things you need to do. Allowing yourself to rest will be best for everyone. I remember how exhausting the whole graduation/moving thing was and I do not envy you right now.

Post # 7
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

She’s always asking me for help with the wedding stuff, wanting me to do her work for her.

I think this line sums up everything that’s wrong. HER work?  Unless you’re referring to her actual job that she’s paid to do, she’s asking for help with the work that she’s doing as a favor to you.

I’m sorry you’re stressed out and exhausted, but if you’re treating your mom rudely or taking her contribution for granted, she was every bit within her rights to say those things to you. It doesn’t even sound like she was very harsh about it.

Post # 8
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@KatNYC2011:  I 100% agree with everything you said.

@Valerita:  Try to keep in mind that though your mom might have been harsh with what she said, she’s trying to help you with your wedding. Kat said it best by saying that the only people responsible for doing anything for your wedding are you and your Fiance. Your mom shouldn’t be responsible for sending out her side’s invitations. 

My bridesmaids didn’t really help with much either. I asked one bridesmaid if she wouldn’t mind helping stuff our invites, and she gladly helped, but that’s about it. Everything else should fall on you since it is your wedding. If anyone helps out, that’s just icing on the cake. But just b/c they’re helping doesn’t give you the right to treat them horribly either. 

Take a deep breath and try to remember that you’re going to be marrying the love of your life, and that’s what matters most. Taking things a day at a time and listing out what you’d like to accomplish each day would probably help. It might help you to feel less overwhelmed.

Post # 10
46415 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“You know, you’re being very difficult to be around. I’m tired of having to sneak around you, and I think you need to stop being so harsh all the time.”

The fact that you would consider this a” Major fight with mom”    tells me that you are possibly overtired and unable to be objective.  Take  a couple of days to rest and recharge your batteries, then start anew.

Post # 11
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mightywombat:  That’s what I was picking up on as well and I agree 100% with what you have said.

Post # 12
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Don’t forget that you are a guest in her home. Treat her with grace and respect and hopefully things will improve. 

Post # 14
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mightywombat:  This quote also bothered me. 

It’s not anyone’s job to do anything for you. If your Fiance isn’t helping enough, ask him to step up. I am not getting married next month, but I took care of writing all of the invites all by myself the day after graduation for my master’s degree while packing for a move. Was it rough? Yeah my hand just about fell off but I could have asked others to help me. I couldn’t have demanded others help me (other than Fiance, but his handwriting sucks). 

Take a breather. Take a nap. Apologise to your mom. And remember- you’re getting married! =]

Post # 15
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Gah! It’s stressful, that period when you go from indpenendence in college to back to living with the parents….I know I was kind of a jerk when I lived with my folks for a short period after college…and the stress of wedding probably makes it worse. BUT, looking back, I was a dick, and it sounds like you’re kind of being one, too…so your mom kindly called you out on it. Like others have said, maybe just take a step back and look at how you’re behaving and how you can be more respectful to your mom…who, by the way, is also having to alter her lifestyle having you back in the house.

Good luck.

Also, what everybody else said about “her job.” If it’s YOUR wedding, then they’re YOUR jobs.

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