(Closed) Major Meltdown…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@grapefruitgal:  Aw, hugs!!! I can totally see why his joke hurt your feelings even though he didn’t intend to hurt you. I can see myself having the same reaction! I think it’s super sweet that he told you he probably thinks about his plan more than you think about the “when” and “how”… 

Could you make him his favorite dessert or dinner? 

 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

“Nope. I’m fine”

international speak for take cover, shes about to explode!

he made you feel bad with the 2014 joke and you made him feel bad but then you talked it out. hopefully things will be easier for you from now on

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Welllll, luckily for you, Valentine’s day is right around the corner. Write out all of the reasons why you love him on little hearts, and think about them long and hard! It’s nice to know WHY someone loves you, and it’s nice to know they don’t take you for granted. It sounds like you really know what kind of a catch he is.

Post # 6
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You should probably be talking more openly about this process with one another so that meltdowns can’t build to this level. If you guys had a more open dialogue about pressures/expectations/how you’re feeling in general about the progress of the relationship, I think it’d be healthier – not just for this, but as a primer for important and stressful situations once you are married.

Post # 7
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

@grapefruitgal:  Aw πŸ™‚ I think your SO’s reply was wonderful – when I say stuff like you did my SO says that he feels like a pawn in my future plans and could be anyone, so perhaps I should go and find someone who will be willing to put a ring on my finger now – no joke, that’s really what he says. SO count yourself very lucky.

As for something nice, how about cooking him his favourite meal and getting all dressed up (just to look good for him)

Post # 8
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

To be honest, I think this wasn’t a bad thing, at least he knows how you feel. And, you have a very maximum of 323 days. Hang in there!

Post # 9
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo

@StuporDuck:  I totally agree. Writing it out in a vday card should sort it out without turning it into a big issue again. 

maybe this could help you out?
 

you could start with the positive: say how much you love him etc. 

then bring up the issue and summarise how you felt, in comparison to how you feel now and why you are sorry.

end with something that closes the issue on an optimistic note and at the same time focuses on something different. e.g. telling him that you trust him and that’s why you love him, that’s you’re so happy to be spending v day with him once again, etc

Post # 10
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think you need to apologize. He upset you, you were honest with him about why those kinds of jokes hurt your feelings, and he apologized. I don’t think you should have to apologize for having an emotional response to something that’s important to you, and it doesn’t sound like you lashed out or tried to hurt him with your words. It sounds to me like y’all had an argument that you resolved like mature adults, and that no more apologies are needed.

Post # 11
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you owe him an apology. I don’t know why guys joke like that. It isn’t funny, its teasing. If he hadn’t said it you would have been fine. (can you tell i’m in the same boat as you?lol) Maybe this experience has taught him that it isn’t something to joke about. It is hard to deal with, especially when you have to deal with the questions and looks from other people.

Post # 12
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i dont think anything else needs to be done. you talked it out and are on the same page now. now you can go back to enjoying your time together. hope yall have a nice valentines day πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

@grapefruitgal:  Okay, he said “trust me, trust me, trust me”.  But does that mean, “trust me, the engagement is still 2012”, or “trust me, the engagement is 2014 but I will definitely do it by then”?  Those are 2 very different things.  Did you get any clarity?

 

You have every right for your feelings to be honored and valued.  Next time, it’s okay to speak up right away if he says something you don’t like.  I learned when I was younger that sitting in silence (for as long as you did… like several hours) will only eat you inside.  And if he asks what’s wrong, it’s okay to say what’s wrong immediately, instead of him playing detective.  You deserve to be listened to and heard!

Good luck!  Let us know what happens.  Can you ask him again which year he is proposing?

Post # 15
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes, I have done the meltdown too. It feels terrible but it happens. My so also said trust me, and to let him plan. So that’s what I’m doing. 

I know how terrible it feels to keep everything inside at this point. Focus on the relationship and you will enjoy the wait. It takes work but I think it is worth it. 

 

Post # 16
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Look, sometimes we do and say things that we don’t mean or we let our emotions get the best of us. I don’t think you need to apologize for that. In fact, I think that’s just a big difference between men and women. We wear our emotions on our sleeves. The important thing to note here is your boyfriend obviously loves you a LOT and he comforted you and asked you to trust him. I’m sure he felt bad about his joke. He sounds like an awesome guy. Don’t feel weak or ashamed for being true to yourself and letting him know how it made you feel. I think sometimes we get so paranoid about being clingy and needy and putting lots of pressure on our SOs to propose, but we need to remember that our feelings are valid and sometimes they need to be shared! 

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