(Closed) Major Vent: My Mom is Driving Me UP THE WALL

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve never heard the bad luck thing. We’re having cupcakes at our wedding (largely because we have a good friend who owns a cupcake shop!)  Maybe she’s having a hard time visoning cupcakes being appropriate at a wedding?  You might try showing her some pictures of wedding cupcake tiers. 

Here’s one from Martha Stewart (there are more on her website: http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/cupcake-tower

Here’s my bakers site which has lots of wedding images: http://www.dozencupcakes.com/html/weddinggallery.html

Post # 4
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel ya, plain and simple. I, too, am having major “mama drama”. Everything I do is wierd and “too edgy” (an ivory birdcage veil). I am spending more money than anyone on the planet on a wedding ($8000, tops). I am asking too much of my bridesmaids (I’m asking them to pick out their own style of dress rather than picking one dress for everyone to wear). Sorry for the sarcasm, but I wanted to get the point across that it doesn’t matter what I do in regard to the wedding, but there’s always something to criticize. My best advice, honestly? When she weighs in on your decisions, acknowledge her feelings by saying something like “I agree that cupcakes may be a little unique, but I think that’s what me and [FI] like about it. Plus, it’s a lot more cost-effective!” and then change the conversation topic. And do what you want. In the beginning of planning, I beat myself up trying to make everyone happy. About 6 months in, I decided “screw it”. I’m happy, and the fiance’s happy, then I don’t care what everyone else thinks. Just smile, thank them for their opinion, and then promptly ignore them.

 

Best of luck, and a big hug from me! I know it sucks 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

As she is being so opinionated, maybe consider not telling her a lot of details about the wedding before you have made a final decision.  For example, if you want to do cupcakes, do them!  After you’ve signed the contract with the baker, you can let her know if she asks – if she tells you it’s a bad choice, say something like “thanks for the input, but Fiance and I agreed that this is what we are doing.”

 

Cupcakes are cute – and I don’t think it’s bad luck not to have a cake… 

Post # 7
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

Sorry.  Hope it all works out.

Post # 9
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the others who say maybe not tell her too many details. Some people just have ideas of what weddings should be and have a hard time accepting anything they think is out of the ordinary.

On the other side, I wish my mother were here to help. So even on days when she is driving you up the wall consider yourself blessed that she will be able to be there to share your special day.

Post # 10
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

My mom has an opinion on EVERYTHING too, and she often is not a fan of my ideas. I’ve heard the “it’s weird, no one does that” a few times, and she sometimes calls back to make her point again after we discuss touchy issues. She wants to have a say in every little detail, and, since we have very different styles, it can be really frustrating. But I’d much rather have her be too involved than deal with her not caring about the wedding at all. I know ideally our parents would observe this perfect balance of being interested in every detail but critical of none, but they are real people with opinions after all. 

PS You should get her to look at some wedding websites or magazines so she’s up on how weddings are done these days…I think cupcakes are so mainstream these days, it’s crazy she hasn’t heard of it!

Post # 11
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Aw, I’m sorry! I definitely agree that you should limit what you tell her about the wedding. And go for the cupcakes! I think it’s an awesome idea! 🙂

Post # 12
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My mom has the same view of my wedding. All criticism with never a real suggestion. Gently remind her that you would love to hear real alternatives, not just what she thinks is wrong, and that just because she has never seen it done before doesn’t mean it isn’t done and is wrong/bad luck.

Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this!!  Have you tried to tell her exactly how she makes you feel when she comments on you ideas or choices?  It is you and your fiance’s wedding so you should do what you guys want not what she wants or thinks is apprpriate even though she is your mom!

Good Luck

By The Way Cupcakes are a GREAT alternative to having a cake!!

Post # 15
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sorry I’m laughing while reading your posts because this totally sounds like my mom. She has been to a lot of weddings, and like you said, she has this idea of how everything is “supposed” to be. I get a lot of “you HAVE to (fill in the blank)” and it drives me nuts. She thought it was crazy that I let my bridesmaids pick from 2 dress styles (and we’re talking about the same designer and same color so I’m not doing anything outrageous). I appreciate her opinions, but I feel like when I don’t do it the way that she wants, she gets her feelings hurt- which isn’t really fair. I know what I want and I also know that weddings are not cookie cutter like they used to be, and I think she should trust my judgment. Don’t really have any advice except just hang in there and try your best to stick to your guns.

 

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