Post # 1
SO I am REEEEEEAAALLLLLY Frustrated right now. Several months ago my FH asked to have the wedding on a friday. Ok, no prob, right? So picked two fridays in April and waited until I was out of school to further discuss wedding stuff. So I brought it up several weeks ago and we agreed Friday the 17th of April would be best.
(another reason we waited so long to set a date is his best man will have leave from Iraq in April and we were trying to time it so he could be in the wedding. Mind you, this is the only thing that my FH asked for in the wedding was his best friend to be there.)
So I told my mother and Maid/Matron of Honor yes, for sure the wedding is going to be on the 17th of April. That way my mom could tell our Out of Town relatives and my Maid/Matron of Honor could ask for the day off.
Well, last night my FH looks at me and says maybe we should have the wedding in the evening. That way no one has to ask off for our wedding day from work. Well its an outdoor wedding and I said okay. Well we were looking at 630pm starting the wedding and the sun is suppose to set at 753pm. Which leaves for a hurried ceremony so we could take pictures before we lose the daylight. That’s what I figured out today.
We had also discussed just moving it to the 18th so no one has to ask off from work. Im just frustrated because I text him about what I thought, which was not only the lighting for the photos, but also the guests are going to be tired from working all day and won’t want to stay and the later we push the date back in the month the less likely his best friend will be there to be the best man.
The reply I got was whatever. Then after saying I don’t want to make this decision by myself he said either works, I can make the final decision. So I don’t know what to do. If its Friday, we were going to spend the night at his house and then leave for Austin the next day. If its Saturday we would have to do an early morning wedding and then leave for Austin. I really didn’t want to leave for Austin on the day of the wedding.
Something else to consider is the reason its such a ‘big’ deal if half of the people can’t come if we have the wedding Friday afternoon is we are having a small wedding with only 30-40 guests.
And is it really that much of a problem when we are giving people a little less than 3 months notice to ask for one day off???
eh. Im just frustrated. ANY advice would be much appreciated, thanks hive.
Post # 3
Speaking from my own experience, if your fh isn’t giving you a strong opinion on something wedding related it is because he wants you to make the decision, it isn’t on that level of importance for him. I would listent o what he has said so far, and then make an executive decision. Then tell him that deposits have been made and changes can no longer be made. Wedding planning is female territory.
Post # 4
I can see how its pretty frustrating for you when your FH tries to throw a wrench into plans that are already in motion and then backs away from them with a passive-aggressive "I don’t care." But, it happens..its happened to me more than once. In these cases, I feel that it works best to just go with what I wanted in the first place and not overthink. Picking a timeline is tough and there are a lot of competing factors – not everything can be accomodated unfortunately.
Sounds like you prefer to have the Friday afternoon wedding and reception and that your FH doesn’t have too much of an opinion. If thats the case, go with what you want and not try to other’s wants/needs for them. Good luck!
Post # 6
I wonder if your Fiance is really suggesting a change, or just thinking out loud. You can second-guess (and change a dozen times) every decision you make about your wedding – but thinking that you COULD do something else doesn’t mean that you should. It sounds like you’ve got a lot of good reasons for the decision you already made. And yes, I think that 3 months notice should be plenty of time for people to get time off work. You’re a little worried about the small guest list, but it turns out that the smaller your guest list the higher your turnout – because you haven’t invited a bunch of people who don’t necessarily care if they see you get married – just the people who really matter. And seriously, those people are going to do what they have to do to get the day off.
Anyway, you can do one of two things here. You can treat his suggestion as serious, and sit down with him and make a list of pros and cons for the Friday versus Saturday ceremony – or you can just go ahead with what you already decided. I actually think that it would be a good idea to sit down with him and go over the decision. It’s good practice for making other decision together, and it lets you hear his thoughts and him hear yours. I know that my husband will sometimes say "Okay, whatever you want" just because he thinks otherwise we’re going to argue, and he doesn’t care enough to argue about it. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be heard – just that he thinks he’s pissed me off without really meaning to. It’s easy for me to say "Well, then why did you bring it up in the first place?" and just do what I want, but it’s better for both of us to work it out together. Plus, that way you won’t have that frustrated feeling that you’re having to take all the responsibility for the decision.