(Closed) Make sure it's right

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
2292 posts
Buzzing bee

That’s a very good reminder; one that lots of people should read and hear. 

Post # 3
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Amen, I waited 6 months to get engaged, and he ended up turning into an abusive alcoholic and I left him 6 months before the wedding. A wedding and a marriage is NOT everything, MAKE SURE IT’S RIGHT! Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Post # 4
3037 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Do you have any tips on making sure?

I’m sure everyone is *sure* in the moment. Do you have any hindsight tips? signs you should have noticed? Just curious! 

Post # 5
2645 posts
Sugar bee

Very true.

Sometimes on the waiting board, it is easy to get wrapped up in all the excitement. I am sorry it didn’t work out for you guys. Was it changes that occurred after engagement? or just realzing that underlying issues were not going to be fixed by marriage? If you don’t mind me asking. 

Post # 6
38 posts

Very true ladies. This is the second time I’ve been in the waiting zone. The first time was with a man who I was together with for 4 years (18yo to 22yo.) Marriage just seemed like the next step and everyone around me expected it…. I went through the motions because I thought that was what I HAD TO DO. Then one day I grew up and realised that while he is an amazing man, I wasn’t ready for marriage and to settle down and owed it to both of us to walk away. So I left him just as he was starting to come around to the idea of putting a ring on my finger. We’re still friends and the split was clean. He knew I was young and had to live my life. I could have easily of stayed, got married, had babies and lived happily ever after but I knew deep down that I wasn’t ready and maybe just maybe he wasn’t the one. I owed it to myself to go it alone for a while and discover who I was. And I’m so glad I did… because several years later and 101 lessons learnt, now I’ve met a man who I’m far more compatible with. I fully grasp the concept of what marriage is and what it means. You can’t fool true love and you really shouldn’t try.

Post # 7
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

missjuli:  I hops you don’t think this is rude, and please, only reply if you feel comfortable, but do younthink that you’d be able to share with us the reasons why you think it didn’t work? Was it wrong from the beginning and you both just ignored the signs or were mistakes made after the proposal that neither could come back from? I am just trying to wrap my head around long term relationships that don’t make it, hopefully things I learn will help to prevent it happening to others. 

Post # 10
6005 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

missjuli:  Thanks for writing this. As a person who’s been married before I often “worry” when I see some bees posting disturbing stuff within their relationships, but they are still dying to get married. So much easier to get out before the marriage than after. Even if you’ve booked the venue etc etc get out if it’s not right!

Post # 13
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

missjuli:  A very good reminder. Thank you! I hope that things start looking up. 🙂

Post # 14
3037 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

missjuli:  thanks for replying! it’s helpful to get some insight from “the other side”!  

Post # 15
82 posts
Worker bee

I’m so sorry to hear all of this. But everyone makes mistakes.

The best advice I have ever heard about relationships is: There is a difference between loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone. I have known many people who are “in love” with the idea of getting married, not the person they will be marrying.

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