Post # 1
Basically I had a small (or at least what I thought was small) falling out with a friend a while out because she felt I wasn’t talking to her enough. Idk if you all remember me posting the story a while back. But anyways she called me up and said if I couldn’t talk to her on the phone or skype once a week then we couldnt be friend. I told her that I’m busy trying to find a job and wedding planning, she’s busy with med school, we’re 13hrs away from each other, different time zones, and that it would be pretty hard to find time that we were BOTH free once a week. That’d I’d try to do it but I couldn’t promise that. She didn’t like that answer and decided that wasn’t enough. I also didn’t feel like I should have to talk to someone once a week to stay friends with them. IMO that’s not how life works.
Anyways to the point of the story. Well I sent out the wedding invites and of course I sent one to her. I’m having a small wedding but I sacrificed a plus one of another friend (that didn’t mind and knew we’d have the room after the official invites go out for her FI) to keep her invited. I mean just because she felt that we couldn’t be friends, didn’t mean I didn’t still value her as a friend and that I STILL wanted her to attend my wedding. Anyways I haven’t heard a peep from her since. I sent her a message about a week prior to rsvp’s being due to make sure she got the invite. No word. Yesterday I sent her another message asking her if she got the invite, telling her that she could bring her Boyfriend or Best Friend (one she hasn’t been dating very long) because we had enough people decline, and that I’d appreciate if she could get back to me ASAP because we really need to get stuff set with the venue. (odd stuff with the venue but basically we need numbers like 3 wks before the wedding, hence the reason I sent out invites early and asked for an RSVP earlier than most people) Still no word.
I don’t know what I should do. She said some pretty hurtful things (when we were having that little falling out) and at this point I’m contemplating cutting her out of my life completely (unfriending on fb, deleting phone number, etc) just so I don’t feel bad about her not responding. I mean she’s the one who was giving me a hard time before about some random ettuquitte thing. I want to message her now and be like… um ettiquitte also means sending back the damn RSVP even if you don’t want to come. She’s a very anal retentive person, so I know for a fact she has not ‘forgotten’ about when the rsvp needs to be returned. And I know she’s seen the messages (thank you to the new fb feature saying when they saw the messsage) I’m just sad that I befriended someone in HS.. who had a really hard time making friends… only for her to ditch me as soon as she finds new friends with opinions that match hers better.
Post # 3
Sad, but I guess it’s time to let go. She made her choice.
Post # 4
I am sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar and I had to end my friendship with her. She still tries to contact me but that friendship is gone.
I think that you opened your heart to her by invitng her to your wedding and contacting her. If she refuses to return your calls and wont go to your wedding. I say move on. To me a friend understands that life keeps us busy and just because you dont hear from them for a few weeks or so, the friendship if it is real and true will stand the test of time.
Post # 5
You’re right, she hasn’t forgotten about the RSVP, she’s ignoring it. Maybe it’s for the best because she strikes me as the type who would write a nasty message along with her “No” when sending it, and that’s the last thing you need.
From the way you’ve decribed the scenario, she’s in the wrong for wanting to end your friendship, but what is there for you to do about it? You can’t convince her to remain friends. If she doesn’t want to stay in contact casually, then that’s her prerogative, no matter how silly it might seem to you or me.
Don’t feel bad about unfriending etc… Sometimes people come and go from our lives, and it sounds like it’s time for this one to go.
Post # 6
I feel immature for wanting to ‘unfriend’ her on fb.. but seriously I don’t want to have the temptation to try and talk to her… or have her see what’s going on in my life. Plus I try to keep my fb friends to a minimum.
Edit: also unfriending her will keep me from making nasty comments in my head about her picture/life/bf/etc (because of what she did to me, lol) every time she pops up in my news feed
Post # 7
@Woodstock: Honestly I’m surprised that she hasn’t unfriended you yet, considering her attitude towards you. It makes me suspect that she’s only keeping you on her list so that she has access to your pics/newsfeed etc… in order to keep tabs on you, or make snarky comments (either in her head, or to others).
I had a “frenemy” on fb for quite a while. We had a falling out years before due to her telling a guy I was dating that I had herpes (which I don’t… I also know enough about it to know that it’s not that scary, and extremely common, but I digress). In the ensuing fallout from her lies, I cut off ties.
Fastforward about 5 years and our mutual friend is having a baby, and asks that we bury the hatchet for the sake of us all celebrating, and being a part of the baby’s life. So I friended her, and we acted civilly to eachother. Or at least I did. Turns out she would cruise my pics all the time and say nasty things about me to mutual friends, culminating with her calling my engagement ring “a piece of junk” and predicting that I’d be divorced within a year.
I unfriended her. It felt great.
You don’t owe this girl anything. Get rid of the daly reminders of exactly how much she sucks.
Post # 8
1+ agreed with the rest of the ladies!
Post # 9
That’s annoying. I’m sorry! Obviously she’s very immature.
Post # 10
Has the RSVP date passed yet?
Post # 11
Update: My Mom sent her a message this morning. She got a response almost immediately (what a F*ucking suprise). She said that she was waiting to see if her SO was invited (which at this point we had the numbers and I told her that she was fine to bring him…) and that she also need to wait and see what her schedule was for October and that she’d get back as soon as she knew. but it probably wouldnt be for a several weeks (or the beginning of october). My Mom responded that it was past the RSVP (by a week now) and that she needed to give a response by the end of the week… another week from now. Once again, immediately she responded, not to me but to my Mom, “Well then, I don’t know if I’ll be off so I can’t give a yes. I’ll have to say no now.”
Honestly I’m relived I finally have an answer… but I wish she had know if she had been up front and actually told me her situation… a month or two ago… or had responded to the multiple messages I sent to her, then we wouldn’t be hounding her for an answer. I’m also not too surprised at how ‘rude’ she sounded in her responses to my mother…. ugh
@MissNoodles: I followed your advice, and FI’s, and finally unfriended her today (after she decided to not respond to me, and only respond to my mother). It was probably the best feeling in the world to be rid of her and for me not to feel bad about the whole end of friendship situation.
Post # 12
Good for you deleting the negative energy from your life.
Post # 13
@Woodstock: Hey! That is good that you got a response, albeit annoyingly roundabout. You are totally justified in unfriending her on FB. I had a falling out with an old friend several years ago and eventually I ended up blocking her on FB because she was super passive-aggressive and was always popping up in my feed. Everytime I saw her name I would feel a little anxiety/stress. You don’t need that! It is hard when friendships end and people change, but it is also part of life. You went above and beyond by inviting her to your wedding and reaching out for her RSVP. I would take this as the final indication that yep, its time to move on. Enjoy your day and focus on all the friends who do care and are happy for you!