Making accommodations for dietary restrictions

posted 2 years ago in Food
Post # 2
Member
552 posts
Busy bee

As hosts, I think the right thing to do is accomodate everyone’s dietary restrictions/choices… however, I think Sarah was a big dick about it between not letting the hosts know about it sooner and then not being appreciative of it.

Post # 3
Member
5575 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

sunnierdaysahead2 :  I think if you’re hosting someone at your house then you should accommodate dietary requirements, otherwise why invite them? 

This doesn’t mean it was right for the sister to mention last minute she was a vegan. 

You seem way too involved in this though.

Post # 4
Member
6624 posts
Bee Keeper

You aren’t REQUIRED to, but as a host you’d be a pretty fucking shitty host if you just expected them to “eat what they offered for one meal.”

That’s a pretty crappy attitude, and I think while Sarah was wrong for not informing them earlier of her dietary restrictions, your husbands attitude is rude.

If I host a party I ALWAYS make sure that the people coming have something to eat. I think its part of hosting people. That said, the guests shouldn’t be demanding anything from the hosts either. From the post it sounds like an “FYI” rather than a “were not coming unless its 100% vegan” so its hard to say what went down.

 

Post # 5
Member
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think that as a host, you should accommodate your guest’s dietary needs.  However, as a guest, you should let the host know ahead of time of any changes since previous visits.  Sarah should have let them know sooner.

Post # 6
Hostess
3845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

sunnierdaysahead2 :  As someone with allergies + dietary restrictions, I think it’s nice to accomodate dietary restrictions (even if it’s by choice), but not required.  I always try to, but you can’t accomodate restrictions you’re not aware of. 

Post # 7
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

As a host, you should accommodate dietary restrictions or you’re not really hosting anyone. But as a vegan, I always make sure the host knows in advance, and I always offer to bring a dish that I can eat and that others can share. Sometimes the host tells me not to worry, and the host takes care of everything. Sometimes the host takes me up on it and says they’ll make veg-friendly sides, but it’d be awesome if I can bring something too. And both are 100% fine with me!

Post # 8
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

that’s where RSVPs come in. Ask your guests for any dietary requests so you have plenty of time to accomodate them. Remember, you are inviting them so onus is on you as the host. Now a days majority restaurants offer vegan options…it really is not a big deal 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

As a host, yes you should make efforts to accomodate.  But as a guest, you should also be thankful that someone hosted you in the first place and made something special for you.  It seems all the SIL needed to do to smooth things over was to say thank you and I can’t see this as being something to get all principled about.

Post # 10
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Speaking as a vegan — I do not believe that anyone should ever have to accommodate me. And when people attempt to, I’ve found that they almost always fail to actually make a vegan option (which I totally appreciate their effort, but I end up feeling awful sitting there with a plate full of “vegan” food that I know has multiple animal products). So I don’t believe it’s worth the trouble for either party for someone to accommodate me.

At barbecues, I bring my own veggie patties and bread. On Thanksgiving, I pack up a full Thanksgiving dinner for Darling Husband and I and take it with us. At restaurants, I check the menu beforehand. If there’s not enough on the menu to make a sufficient meal, Darling Husband and I eat before. And if I’m going to be at someone’s house for awhile, I eat before and then pack a peanut butter and jelly and fruit in my purse. 

I am beyond uncomfortable at the thought of ever putting someone through the trouble and stress of making me vegan options, like what your SIL did to your family. That’s just so rude! She should be packing food for her children, and at the very least informing your family of some easy options. When someone insists on making me food, I normally say spaghetti with tomato sauce and a side salad. 

Post # 11
Member
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

It goes both ways in my opinion.  As the host, yeah you’re required to cater to dietary restrictions.   But as a guest, you need to actually tell the host about those restrictions.  My best friend is coeliac and I’d never dream of not providing food she can safely eat – her kids are friends with my nephews and my SIL messaged me the other day saying they were coming over for a play date and did I have any good gluten free recipes I could recommend – which is good hosting.  But if you don’t know about restrictions you can’t cater to them.

Post # 12
Member
4498 posts
Honey bee

Agree with others that a host should accommodate and check beforehand.  You don’t have to float the whole menu by them, but a quick check in like “I’m planning to have X item for *Vegetarian* – is that going to work or are there any other dietary issues I should know about?” 

I mean, I suppose in theory, you can say “I’m making meatloaf for dinner, do you want to come over?” and then it is up to the guest to say “Oh, I’m not a big fan of meatloaf, but thanks for the offer.”  I’ve done that a few times.  I’ll be planning a specific thing for dinner and invite others to partake (though I would never offer if that specific thing isn’t something I know they could never eat – like I wouldn’t invite my vegetarian friend to come over on pork roast night).  

But if party/celebration is the focus rather than the food, then the host should be checking and accommodating.  It would be poor hosting to invite someone you know is celiac and say “Come spend 4th of July with us, but we’re having pizza and we’re not doing gluten-free so just suck it and starve while you watch the rest of us eat.”  And dietary restrictions by choice are not less valid than allergens.  Many people make dietary choices for ethical/humanitarian/religious reasons.  You may not make that personal choice, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t a valid life choice or shouldn’t be respected.

So, that isn’t to say the SIL wasn’t a d-bag about the whole thing.  She totally was in a number of different ways (not giving more notice about dietary changes, not at least offering to help bring a dish to share, not acknowledging the work put in, etc.), but her being an entitled d-bag doesn’t mean she was completely wrong either.  And your Brother-In-Law was a dick as well.  The pointed comment about it being nice to have more notice was sufficient.  Should the others have expressed more gratitude?  Probably, but it’s a pretty dick move to then point out someone’s douchebaggery, especially in front of others.  He made the situation worse by calling them out like that.  Poor manners is never excusable, but pointing out someone else’s poor manners is also poor manners.

Post # 14
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think SIL was fine, she acted off of her knowledge and as PPs said the guest should have let them know sooner about the change if it was going to be such a big deal. Me and SO have differing dietary restrictions, and so does one Future Sister-In-Law so whenever theres a family function its kind of our norm that we communicate with the host to see what their plan is and check that at least one side or app is going to be available for us, and then we bring our own protein. That way the host still gets to host but without cooking something entirely out of their way, and we’re sure to have a dish (ex for thanksgiving we bring a tofurkey with all the fixings, and host usually makes sure theres bread, a veggie without meat) I think its also just courteous for someone who has a dietary need met to at least acknowledge the host, like I don’t think you have to bend over backwards but at least a thank you to say hey thanks for doing an extra step. Also I know for me at least its really nice to have the feedback of ‘thanks that was a good veggie dish’ so I know to cook it again vs maybe that vegan mac n cheese sucked and I shouldn’t serve it again.

Post # 15
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

sunnierdaysahead2 : I’m vegan but Sarah is in the wrong. When you’re a guest in an omni household, sure, it would be very nice for the hosts to consider your needs but guests need to be reasonable as well. Springing something like that on your sister the night before is f*cking bulls*t. That’s not a vegan issue, that’s an entitled, inconsiderate, spoilt brat issue. She didn’t even seem appreciative? How rude.

Please make sure your sister and her husband stand their ground and don’t end up caving.
The problem here was not the fact that they were vegan as your sister is obviously a great host and would have catered for them anyway, the problem is the fact that if your Brother-In-Law hadn’t called Sarah, she would have rocked up expecting your sister to be psychic and when it was evident she’s not and no vegan options were available, the whole evening would have been uncomfortable for all guests.

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