(Closed) Making an exception to the “no kids” rule.

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Could you make him a ring bearer, or otherwise involved in the wedding party? If people become offended it would be an easy explanation for his presence.

Post # 5
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was in the same situation so I know exactly what you mean. I’m not a fan of children in general so I flat out refused to allow everyone I know with offspring to bring their children to our wedding. The problem with this is that I have 3 younger cousins who are more like brothers to me. They absolutely had to be at our wedding so we opted to include them in the Bridal Party. My 2 older cousins (13 & 14) are our ushers and my youngest cousin (6) is the Ring Bearer. The only other kids we’re including are FI’s cousins because they’re Out of Town (and they’re 13+ going on 30). We made it crystal clear that the only kids included would be those in the Bridal Party and anyone Out of Town (thankfully FI’s cousins are the only Out of Town kids) and I’ve yet to hear a single complaint about it. I think people realize that it’s totally acceptable to include kids in the Bridal Party and those Out of Town at an “adults only” reception.

Is it possible for you to throw a nice button down shit on your nephew and call him an usher? At 10 years old, he could definitely take on the task of handing out programs or something. That way he’s technically part of the Bridal Party so if anyone wanted to complain about it, there’s your excuse. 

Post # 6
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you can make an exception but maybe make him part of the wedding party. If you already have a ring bearer could he be an Usher or? Or swap the current ring bearer and make him an Usher? If you already have enough Ushers then maybe invent a role like Ushers/ring bearers assistant?

Also….and I’m ashamed to admit my immaturity here….I lol’d at your P.S and would have probably been in stitches at the alter if that happened at my wedding! Sorry lol.

Post # 9
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@UpstateCait:  I agree … I was thinking he could pass out programs or stand over the guestbook. 

I generally don’t like the “include some/exclude some” thinking, especially when it’s family.  No doubt FI’s family will be left thinking it’s not fair. 

Post # 10
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We made an exception for my neice and his nephew. My neice was 14 mos and his nephew 13 years old…and I didn’t apologize or feel like I owe anybody an explanation for that. They are our closest family.

Post # 11
Member
14486 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

you can have more than one ring bearer, no?

Post # 12
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@KateByDesign:

Our ushers (my cousins) are escorting the grandmothers down the aisle and then looping back around to escort my mom. That’s pretty much their only job but it works.

Post # 13
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

Personally I think it’s YOUR freaking wedding so you should be able to invite and not invite who you want, but very few parents feel that way when it comes to their kid. I have a friend who wants to bring her kids everywhere. Even if I tell her specifically that her (incredibly badly behaving) children aren’t invited to my families clearly not kid friendly christmas cocktail party, she shows up with them anyway. So many (not all!!) parents have a skewed view on how their children behave, and where its acceptable to bring them. When they show up to an event that they were told would be an adults only situation and see a child they’re going to feel like the message is “well, really we meant not YOUR child.” Their bound to feel slighted when they “realize” that their “well behaved child” wasn’t invited to your “kid friendly wedding.” (a wildly incorrect statements, but that’s the way it will likely be viewed.)

You might be able to get around the possibility for drama if your nephew is IN the wedding. I mean, at that point you could just say “oh, we weren’t inviting kids, except he’s part of our wedding party so that’s why I made this one exception.”Other than that, if you tell people “no children” and then they see a child, your bound to get raised eyebrows and run the risk of pissing off your new family members. If you honestly don’t give a damn (I kind of wouldn’t) then do exactly what you want, pull the “it’s MY wedding card,” hold it high, and ignore anyone who bitches and moans.

 

Post # 14
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I say invite who you want! We are having “No kids”…except for the wedding party, and some close family friends.  My issue with the children is the “random” ones that you don’t see very often, and couldn’t be less interested in your wedding.  Let people be mad, it’s YOUR day!

Post # 16
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I think you can invite whomever you want.  Who else is invited is no guests business.  You are inviting this child because you have a good relationship with him. 

Maybe the rule is ‘kids that I see on a weekly basis’.  As opposed to age, height, etc.

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