(Closed) Making difficulty choices about who will be a BM…how do you do it?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ha!  I did the family-only thing.  But, I have two sisters and one Future Sister-In-Law so it isn’t quite small.  He chose three friends (two from way back and one from now) and also my brother.  He wants me to choose one more girl, so the sides are even, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I am just leaving it as-is.  We do have a Flower Girl so she’s technically on the girl side!  🙂

Both my sisters had 5 or 6 BMs and they’ve said that the one thing they’d change is to have just sisters in the bridal party.  But I haven’t heard it from the potential Bridesmaid or Best Man point-of-view (would they have been disappointed or upset if my sisters didn’t include them?).  GL with your decision.  Try to hold off asking anyone – you never know!  I waited until the 6 month mark to officially ask.

Post # 4
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Why does your Fiance only want 5? Explain to him you feel close to all of these woman and tell him to stuff it…nicely, of course. I agree about waiting awhile to ask. You never know what will happen. Also, don’t do away with your bridal party. It seems like you really want one and it would be a shame not to have people to spend your day with if you want them.

Post # 5
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I also want to know why your Fiance is so against it.  Does he not want to ask 9 GMs?  If so you can have an uneven Bridal Party.  Also, are you close to any of these girls’ boyfriends or husbands?  Do you have any brothers who can be GM? 

If you don’t have all nine girls, I would say your other options would be just your SIL, SIL and college friends, or SIL and new friends.  I don’t think there is an option for 1 or 2 from one group, and 1 or 2 from another.  If I was in your situation I would either just have the Maid/Matron of Honor, or have all nine.

Post # 6
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I think that you should invite whomever you feel will support you the most, can afford it, and who you want to stand next to you.  Because even though it may hurt the other girls’ feelings (in the short term), you’ll be happiest with whoever will wear the dress you ask them to, and whoever gets you through the tough bride moments.  If you just ask people so you don’t offend anyone, you’ll get stuck regretting it.

Post # 7
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We decided to go with our best friend and siblings… we both have other close friends we would have loved to have stand up for us, but didn’t want to get into the same problem you’re having with asking so-and-so but not so-and-so.

If you don’t have all your girls in the wedding party itself, maybe you can honor them in other ways? You could have them as ushers, have a group dance with just your girls, etc.

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