(Closed) Making everybody happy

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I went through this about 6 months ago in the planning process.  I was trying really hard to involve both families in our decisions and found that there were too many opinions, and people got offended when we didn’t go with their advice.  I have since not tried to involve EVERYONE in EVERY decision we have made, only those that directly involve each person/family.  You will not make everyone happy, in the end you need to be able to look back on your wedding day and be proud of it and hope that it symbolized who you and your Fiance are as a couple — not who Future Mother-In-Law is (I obviously had beef with her,haha!). 

Things have been much smoother since I reailzed this.  I mean, honestly, in the end does it really matter if I ask all of my family about the menu options?!  It is one day in your life.  If the seating arrangement isn’t perfect, people will deal with it for 3 hours and move on.  If they truley care about you, they will be so happy for you on that day these little details won’t end up mattering!

I am not sure who is paying for your wedding, but Fiance and I are paying for ours, so I was able to do this and have not looked back!

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

At first I was worried about making sure everyone was happy… then I just decided that it wasn’t worth the stress. The Fiance and I are planning a wedding that will make US happy, and hopefully everyone else will feed off of that joy 🙂

Post # 7
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I totally know where you’re coming from and it stresses me out as well. I’m slowly developing an I don’t give a [email protected] attitude and doing what I want to do. I keep hearing “but that’s not traditional” or “but a wedding has to have…” or “your wedding seems more like a picnic” or any other varative of those. You just gotta get them outta your mind and keep doing what you want

Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m got a dose of this last night. Future Mother-In-Law was over and asking about what was going on with the wedding since we hadn’t really caught up in a while. She’s lovely and I adore her, let’s get that out of the way, BUT she’s divorced from Future Father-In-Law (who has remarried ages ago) and it seems to be the prime focus of her life. We were talking about flowers and I mentioned these will be the corsages you and my  mom get, FFIL’s wife will get a small wrist corsage. Her face was twisted in horror. Well hello, she is married to my FFIL! I may not love her but I have to get her a stupid corsage! Then we were talking about the ceremony. Immediately she wants to know where Future Father-In-Law and his wife are sitting. I don’t frigging know. I don’t frigging care. I’m going to be standing up at the front saying my vows, the rest of you can be standing on your heads in the back of the room for all I’ll probably notice!!!

Thankfully she hasn’t pulled this kind of stuff too much with us, but I made it clear at the very start (point blank to her) that if there were any problems, people were to call me. Don’t call Fiance and cry to him. He works hard. He’s put up with his parents divorce and lingering issues his whole life, give the guy a break and let him enjoy being engaged. All everyone has to do is sit and breathe the same air for 8 hours one day. They don’t have to hold hands, they don’t have to be BFFs by the end of it. Just shut up, smile and be happy for Fiance and I. If you can’t do that, don’t come. We don’t want people there who aren’t genuinely happy for us and who can’t focus on us for one day. It may seem short and somewhat rude, but I don’t really care. No matter what you’re going to do, you’re not going to make everyone happy. It’s your wedding, you need to do what makes you and your Fiance happy. It’s your day!!!

My mom has criticized me a few times about having my wedding in a tent. She thinks it’s like a sieve and it’s going to rain and we’ll all be wet and miserable. She also thinks my caterer is going to break his wrist and we’ll now all be hungry, wet and miserable. I told her no matter what she says, I’m not getting married on a golf course or at a hotel to make her happy. This is what Fiance and I want, it’s our wedding, we’re paying for it, so she’s just going to have to be okay with it. End of story.

If you run around trying to make the rest of the world happy you’re going to make yourself miserable. You’ll end up with a wedding that’s not representative of you and your Fiance, just footnotes of what family and friends think or wish they had had at their wedding. How is that special or meaningful for you? Do what you have wished and dreamed for all these years, you won’t regret it.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Woah that was long. Sorry. I think I needed to vent a little too, LOL!

Post # 11
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

When we got engaged, all my married girlfriends told me “oh just you wait, this is when all the crazies come out of the woodwork…” It’s true. People you thought were totally normal and rational go bonkers on you!!! Oh the stories I could tell you…. LOL! I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who’s so down to earth and super logical though, I can vent to her about anything. She’ll listen, shake her head, and then move on. She keeps me very grounded which is really nice. Plus I know that if I need her help with wedding related stuff she’ll give me good, unbiased advice/opinions and help me do whatever needs be. My sister/MOH is also really helpful but we’re very different people (and she’s given me a few WTF?! moments along the way), so sometimes it’s easier for me to go to this other Bridesmaid or Best Man, LOL! If you have one of those girls, definitely use the resource and buy her a nice present at the end 😉

Post # 12
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Short answer is YES… and I’m ready for all this wedding planning to be O-V-E-R! 

Post # 14
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Hi! (New here, just got engaged on Sunday) For me it is the bridesmaid choice. I have five ideas. One of the girls is my cousin who just invited herself to be my bridesmaid, I was so perplexed I said “Um, ok” and now I am rethinking that decision because I don’t know her very well, it is the early planning stages and I am already kind of stressed out about that, I feel bad for saying it is ok but then again I don’t want to let her down. It was a moment without thinking thing and I don’t want to be accused of being a bridezilla. My grandmother is pushing me to have a wedding somewhere on the beach although it is a garden themed wedding. I have a year to plan this thing and I am already feeling kind of overwhelmed.

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