Post # 1
Do you guys feel that is harder to make friends as you get older? Sure you can always meet people at the gym or at the new hobby class you signed up for. But I think what I really mean is making a connection AND keeping them around. Most of my friends that I’m very close to and keep in contact with are from my college years and my first professional job. Otherwise, the “newest” friends I have now are friends & partners of my SO (and almost 100% of the time, I see them bec my SO is also around during a birthday party, meeting up for dinner, or a big event like a wedding for example) . These are the only 2 reasons I can think of why:
a) husband & kid(s) now demand more of your free time
b) you now have a profession and you wanna be successful and make more money so you work more hours and put more effort/time to your career (some people even have 2 or 3 jobs simultaneously)
As a result from the reasons above, you are generally exhausted and don’t feel the need to attempt to make new friends. Perhaps you also start valuing alone time more? If you bees can think of other reasons, please share here.
Post # 2
I have heard a lot of people say this.
I don’t have a hard time making friends, but find it useful to join new local communities in order to do so. What is frustrating with my existing friendships is that so many are focused on only what is productive or leads to gain for them. I work hard enough. I just want to relax and catch up and have a good time. Perhaps because so much of my work is networking, I don’t want to use my friendships for that purpose.
Post # 3
I find it hard to keep new friends with my bipolar; people don’t “get” why I’ll be a “bubbly” full-on person for a couple of months and then suddenly just lose interest and not want to hang out. I’ve got some older friends and family who know me and they are OK, but it sucks trying to make a connection now I’m an adult. 🙁
Post # 4
I’ve definitely found this to be true, 100%. Especially since graduating from university. I don’t know what it is, but women don’t make themselves very available to become friends with. I’ve had to work really hard at becoming friends with some of the ladies that are in my FI’s friend circle. They’re great women, but I’ve had to put a ton of time into it and I don’t feel that the amount of effort I’ve put in has been fairly reciprocated. As a result, I don’t feel super close to any of them.
Post # 5
socalgirl1689: I believe it can be. True friends can be hard to find.
Post # 6
To me it also seems more difficult to make friends when you’re out of school or a training program. I think adults at different stages in life have different priorities that make it a bit more challenging to find commonality and commitment with others. I’ve always been an introverted homebody, so I have to make a concerted effort to meet people.
Post # 7
Completely agree. And it makes sense, when you think about it. In high school and college you’re in the perfect environment to make friends. You likely see the same people every day or at least several times a week, and you’re all in the same life stage so it’s easier to relate. When you enter the real world people have different schedules and priorities. Add in a husband and perhaps children and it can be really hard to find time to meet people who are in the same boat.
I’ve also found it’s been harder to make friends at work. At my current job, most of the people are from the area, so they already have their established social circles. Plus, you’re trying to stay professional in the work environment, so it’s harder to be as honest and genuine as you would be with good friends.
For now I’ve got some great people who are fun to hang out with, and my husband is my true best friend who I talk to about everything. Working on making some new girlfriends in the real world, but I’m not rushing it. If you’re in the Milwaukee area and want to meet up, let me know!
Post # 8
I feel like I just have acquaintances, not friends. Even people I’ve been “friends” with since daycare, we are not close. Maybe once or twice a year at most we go to a concert or something. Others I just facebook even if we live near each other. Maybe I just know bad, selfish people….or I am a bad, selfish person and just don’t know it. But it feels like all these people call me up when no one else will do something with them or hear them out. People seem to never want to do anything anymore. It sucks. But what can you do.
Post # 9
socalgirl1689: yes agreed– it is so hard to make new friends at this point in life! sigh.
most of my nearest and dearest are school friends from elementary, high school, and college.
i met a few friends at my internship, which was great, but the friendships easily dissipated because it seemed we didn’t have that history or foundation that i had with my school friends.
i’d suggest work (which i know is a hit or miss), church/other organizations, volunteer, gym, friends of friends, etc.
for me, at this point in life, i am okay with more alone time now. i don’t have a huge need to be around friends so maybe i don’t try as hard. maybe i am not around people my age as much anymore (as compared to school). maybe i just rather nurture the friendships i have rather than spend so much effort getting to know new people only to have them fade away (like my internship friends).
when i was younger, i always wondered why my parents were not very social. they are homebodies naturally, but they always said once people are married with kids and a full time job, life gets too busy to socialize. i suppose that is somewhat true. but i also had co-workers who had young kids who really made an effort to socialize and keep their friends around. so i guess its up to you and your priorities. a lot of people want to keep the friendships and put an active effort towards them, while others get too busy and put friendships on the back burner.
Post # 10
cruisinbee: silly question here, when you said that your existing friendships are focused on instances that are “productive or to their gain” can you give an example? Or any bees here for that matter who can clarify or give an example (just wanna make sure I’m thinking of the same thing you meant)
Post # 11
I think a part of making friends is luck. The other is that both parties have to be willing to put in the effort, have some key things in common, as be at a similar level of maturity. You certianly cannot force a friendship, but if you are looking for friends remain open to different people and I think eventually the right person will come at the right time. Just like a romantic relationships friendships are similar – a big part of it is timing. Also, you need to put yourself out there. Join different social activities whatever appeals to you and don’t get your social needs met by logging the facebook or social media time.
I recall reading awhile back that your social circle decreases signficantly after leaving college and especially if you are mainintaining a relationship/marriage. You have other responsibilties to uphold as well but it depends on how that person likes to function within the relationship. I like that my fiance is not the type of guy who needs me to be around all the time, no wonder we survived long distance. I just moved to LA so if your screen name reflects your location feel free to PM me.
Post # 12
I definitely have trouble making friends. I’ve got my best friend – met her in 2nd grade and we’ve been besties ever since. I’ve got someone I’d consider more of a good acquaintence than a friend. We mostly comment on FB once in awhile but I can call her up when I visit home and meet up for a movie or something very easily. I’ve got three “good friends” who can’t be bothered to talk to me anymore, so I gave up, after lots of trying. When I moved west I met a girl I got along great with, but again, just couldn’t keep it in friend land. I think with religion being so very very important to her, I just wasn’t someone worth her effort. That just leaves me with a couple of older couples who are/were coworkers. And it’s not like I’m going to spill my problems out to them as I would the best friend.
I’d love to get out and join a group or something but haven’t the guts to do it on my own anymore, though I did about 10 years ago. And I think I mesh better with older generations anyway. Oh well, my life’s good, even if it could be better. Maybe all us ‘friendless’ gals should become friends, haha!
Post # 13
socalgirl1689: sure. I tried to reconnect with a friend and she said I had to come to one of her events, because that was the only time she had. Others will call to ask biz questions veiled as a friendly conversation or send me stuff to review because of my profession. So, I have had to be intentional about reaching out to friends who don’t do this and propose really chill things to do. I also got off of fb, which made me far less accessible.
Post # 14
letterstolove: i feel the same way as you. I sadly have no real friends. People usually only call me when they want something.