Making friends at work & keeping friendships alive as an adult

posted 10 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

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lily2018 :  Aww thanks for sharing!  It’s not your fault, it’s definitely harder as an adult. I feel like meeting people is not the hardest part because there are lots of meetup and hobby groups you can join, likely did with hiking. In My Humble Opinion the harder part is seeing them outside of that context, then again, then again, and really gauging whether you both are on the same wavelength. 

Post # 17
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504 posts
Busy bee

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mrsjacksonbee :  interesting thought…what do you mean by “bad” habits? Like drinking/partying? (Not bad exactly but I’m just guessing since you mentioned age differences between 24 and 35).

But I do get your point that people might think they can’t be themselves around me? This happened to me in grad school when I didn’t drink, which was awful because I didn’t care if they drank. I still wanted to have fun and I didn’t feel like I needed to drink to hang out and have fun with them, but maybe they thought otherwise. 

Post # 18
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38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2020

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glutton :  I don’t mean anything specific more so habits they themselves like the least about themselves, like procrastinating or doing the bare minimum at things in life or not being accountable for their behaviour.  I realised I like to put my best foot forward when making friends but sometimes it can be perceived as being unrelatable because you’ve come off as although you’re a goody two shoes or perfectionist. 

I didn’t let that change me as a person wholly, I did change my approach though by listening more than talking and asking questions about the other person and letting them talk about themselves so I can learn what they like and see if we’re compatible. Being friends with ladies who are more mature meant not running into certain issues like competition or comparison, because we’re different in our life phases, my friends are able to advise me and wish me well because in a way they see me as their younger sister, which I’m very okay with. And I’m grateful for their wisdom and experience as well.  It’s fun because we still meet at the same level in terms of hobbies and values. Just wanted to shed more light on that but but yeah I was a massive loner in high school dispute being popular (I did drama and music so I was always on stage) I had no real friends.

Post # 19
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Im in the same boat and have been ever since I graduated high school. I would make friends in college, but they would always dissapear and not being interested by the next semester. And I am feeling it even more now that I am graduated and in the real world. Well sort of. I was supposed to start my new job in my new city but my start date got delayed because of everything going on. I got to explore my new city for a couple days before lock down started. So i totally feel you with not having any real friends.

Post # 20
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

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mrsjacksonbee :  Ahh makes sense, I can totally see being thought of as a perfectionist or goody two shoes. It’s great that you were able to realize what type of people you mesh with and are happy with your friends now! Thanks for the tip about listening more, that’s a good idea.

Post # 21
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504 posts
Busy bee

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gray15 :  ouch, moving to a new city and starting a new job remotely at a time like this must suck, I’m sorry! Hopefully the weather is starting to at least get nicer whereever you are and hopefully you can do some exploring on your own later in the summer 🙂

Post # 22
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee

The only thing I can suggest is that if people feel that you are uncomfortable then it can be contagious. I seem to make girlfriends fairly easily but I also put myself out there! I work with predominantly men so I find other women and  I ask colleagues to lunch, ask them about their lives, comment on their social media pics and show am interest…like it’s hard but you have to put yourself out there and not be afraid of rejection. And you will get rejected! It’s kind of like the dating world. But you will find your people. It’s hard with COVID at the moment but are there any Facebook groups in your area you could join? My brother is painfully shy (not saying you are) but I’ve had convos with him like this before. xo

Post # 23
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

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happyjuju :  Thanks for the tips! Try and try again I suppose :). I’ve actually met a few people by joining groups, now it’s more to making them into friends. With social media, I’m kind of old school in that I try not to add people to social media who I’ve never met or met just once. And I try not to add work people until I’ve left the job. So maybe need to rethink that policy lol.

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