Post # 1
Since discovering WB, I’ve come across many posts where the bride says that she doesn’t have any friends, or has maybe 2 or 3 friends, or that she feels all alone in planning for her wedding because of not having close friends.
I guess I didn’t realize how common that was. I’ve also mentioned on several posts that I don’t have any close friends really. I’m in the ‘2-3 friends’ category as far as I can tell, and I’m not sure I even consider them close friends. My Maid/Matron of Honor is the closest friend I have right now. I feel like I used to have friends and then slowly over the last several years (I’m in my 30’s) as everyone has gotten married, had kids, moved out of state, etc; it seems that everyone has moved on with their lives, gone on to the next step and all of a sudden I feel left by the wayside. People lose touch, especially when they move out of state. You emal or call at first, and then all of a sudden all you’re getting is a Christmas card update.
I’ve tried meet-ups, I do volunteer work, and I’m generally friendly, but I seem to be missing the “friendship chip” as I can’t seem to make meaningful friendships with people. Admittedly, I feel jealous of my sibs and their girls! No one calls me to shoot the shit, or to just hang out. I’ve been on the supporting end of things and have reached out, but I feel like I get nothing back from people.
This is not meant to be a pity post, I’m sure I’m not the only bee that feels this way (at least I hope not!). I’m hoping that other bees that see this know they are not alone, and I’m also hoping we’ll get some good advice on how else to put ourselves out there and make new friends. Thanks for listening, bees!
Post # 3
I’m the same way! I typically have 1 or 2 really close friends, but I am “inbetween” friends right now. It is hard planning a wedding without anyone who is really close to me, but I am trying my best to include people I am starting to become close to.
As for making friends… I have a few casual friends through work, tried making friends through exercise classes and try to be friends with people through gatherings, but meh…. nothing yet.
I think weddings certainly bring up the idea of how MANY friends you have, though, and that in itself can be stressful.
Post # 4
I am the same too, I have my sister and 2-3 close friends, but I know that other people consider me their close friend but I do not share their views of our relationship I guess….
Post # 5
My situation is a little different – I am only 21 so I still am in contact with friends from uni and friends from back home. I am lucky to have very close friends in those cities but have been living in my new city for a few months and I don’t really have many real friends here. There’s plenty people we hang out with, as a couple, but really they’re SO’s friends first and foremost, not mine. Another friend of mine is living alone in a new city, not knowing anyone at all there, and the two of us are always trying to figure out how on earth people go about making friends outside of school or uni. There’s work, I suppose, but how do workmates become real friends outside of your faves at work? Hmmm, the mind boggles. I’m keen to hear suggestions and stories too!
Post # 6
@VickyAurea: I’m in a similar situation to you. I graduated from university 2 years ago and live near my hometown (but almost everyone left for new cities) and a 20 hr drive from where I went to uni. It’s weird being an adult!
Post # 7
@takemyhand: So true about weddings bringing up the idea of how MANY friends you have! I feel the same way, I wish I had a close friend that would share wedding planning with me, bounce ideas off of, etc. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my closest friend at the mo, but we’re opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to what we like!
@MrsAu: I’m pretty sure other people consider me a friend, guess I’m just missing having close friends!
Post # 8
I am missing the friendship chip too, but don’t worry about it. Friends will pop up in the most unusual places. When I met my best friend, she was def not someone I would have thought I would even like, let alone be my best friend. We appear to be horrible friends. We are both super busy, we rarely get together, and are both terrible about answering phones, but when we do, it is like we have never been apart. If we need eachother, we are there.
My mom always said, “Though your life you will have alot of aquaintances, but if you have one or two really good friends then you are luck.” She was right. I have had a ton of aquaintances, and didn’t meet my two best friends until I was in my mid thirties. I think that the wedding process changes as we get older. In our early twenties, alot of people haven’t gone throught the life changes that causes friendships to fade yet so they seem to have alot of friends. Ten years later, life events have changed and so has our level of friendships.
Just don’t fret and keep an open mind, I think that someone who is your Miranda will pop up when you least expect it. You never know, it could be a fellow Bee.
Post # 9
@SugerPlum: I’m in your position too. I’m moving to a new state in August, and I have no idea how I’ll make friends there.
Post # 10
@takemyhand: “It’s weird being an adult!” – LOL, so true…
Post # 11
I moved to my new locale a year and a half ago and have really struggled making friends. I have close friends from college and grad school, but really none where I am living now besides Boyfriend or Best Friend. Everything I try ends up being more of a meat market than anything — guys will approach me and if I approach girls at happy hours they’re always a little put off. I am also very shy and socially awkward so it makes it hard…
I’ve recently taken up twittering and attempting to make some friends that way (weird, but I’ve always been into the meet on the internet first thing, go figure…). But yes, count me in this boat, too.
Post # 12
@tksjewelry: And things like you said just terrify me! It’s bad enough feeling that friendships are fading now because I’ve moved far away from my friends so can’t keep so close but that’s before we’ve gone from early 20s to 30s and had people settling down into family life. Eeeeek.
Post # 13
I sooo feel this way too. Throughout my early 20s I hung out with all gay men who I love and still love. (Sort of a “fag hag”) I moved about 2 hours a way and started a new life with my fiancÃ©, and I have been so focused on college I have not had any time to establish any new friendships. Planning my wedding has been challenging when it comes to bridesmaids. I’ve got my sister, her best friend/my aquaintence, and my fiancÃ©s best mans wife who I have met once. Makes me feel like a loser because I don’t have any “real friends” in my wedding party.
Post # 14
@tksjewelry: Aww, “your Miranda!” Cute.
I have 3 close friends…..and they’re my bridal party. Two of them I rarely see, but I know that when we talk it’s always like we haven’t been apart. I definitely find that the million friends I had 10 years ago (I’m 30) have faded into the background and a lot of that distance was put in place by me.
Post # 15
I am in the same boat. I had post a board about never being a bridesmaid. I always tell my Fiance that I have more ex friends then I do ex bfs. People do change and grow apart. It bothered me allot and the funny thing is my horoscope told me I would never have many friends. I personaly like it that only a certainn few are close to me because I swear girls are just drama. Everytime I get sad and blue about not having so much close girl friends I think of this quote:
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.When you figure out which one it is,you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.They have come to assist you through a difficulty;to provide you with guidance and support;to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.They may seem like a godsend, and they are.They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done.They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Post # 16
I have several friends I used to be really close with who I talk to on the phone or online usually about once or twice a month. I’m also in graduate school, and have a small handful of friends there, but no one I would really consider a “best” friend.
I feel the same way though.. after you get married, and your friends begin their careers/get married/have babies/get a mortgage.. there just isn’t as much time to just hang out or talk on the phone for an hour at a time to catch up.
My best friend from undergrad, and one of my bridesmaids, got engaged three months ago. She lives out of state (also in grad school), so I’ve sent her an engagement card, but have yet to actually see the ring and be able to congratulate her in person :(. And I’ve only spoken with her once since then.
It is hard to grow apart from people you were once very close with!