Post # 1
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
Four of my friends around me are already married and all said that getting married wasn’t a big change at all. All of them were working full time and already living together prior to and after the wedding. One hinted they were disappointed at this and that the ‘Monday morning back to work was dreadful’.
I talked to my now Fiance and he agrees that we want the life following our wedding day to be new and memorable , like when you go to the next level in Super Mario Land and the world changes, but the gameplay is similar (okay, that was my own analogy, FI’s not a video game geek like me haha!).
Instead of changing jobs, which was our original ‘milestone’ idea, (it’s just not feasible due to timings) we’ve decided that when we move back to Japan, we’ll live with FI’s parents for the couple of months until we get married there, then move out following the wedding to ‘mark’ our transition to married life. Note that we already live together out of the country.
What do you think? Is it stupid, over-thinking and unnecessary, or a great idea? Did any Bees find nothing changed after marrying, or did everything change?
Post # 3
@MrsYoshida: I think having a memorable wedding day and experiencing a “marked” change in your relationship are two different things. Your wedding day will be memorable for a variety of reasons.
Married life will be different on some levels, but the same on many levels (especially because you two have lived together first). I don’t think it is a bad thing it will be so similar. At least you know you two are truly compatible and there shouldn’t be any “huge” surprises.
Moving back to Japan could be a fun adventure if you two are up for it. However, living together as a couple with your FI’s parents may not be a great idea. Have you done this before? Do you know them well? I just rarely hear this going well.
Honestly, I think you might be overthinking the process/experience a little much, but that’s just me. Once you are married, you will experience a certain level of newlywed bliss, but not necessarily a dramatic life change and I think that is perfectly normal.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017
@jayjaybee: Thanks for your reply 🙂
FI’s family is AMAZING. The longest I’ve stayed with them consecutively is 10 days. They’ve always said we’re welcome to stay with them and it’s good for my Japanese, I can teach FI’s little niece English and we can save 2 months’ money on rent.
Post # 5
@MrsYoshida: 10 days is one thing, but just remember, living somewhere is different from visiting. I would highly suggest talking about expectations and setting ground rules to begin with. Often times things like privacy, cleanliness, waking hours and other “small” issues become larger issues. Sometimes parents forget their children are grown adults.
Post # 6
I’m not sure it would make a huge differance.
I mean, marriage is already a HUGE milestone of your life, it’s a big deal! It’s the 2nd best thing in your life [besides having kids], in my opinion, so I don’t think it needs anything added.
However, I don’t find it unusual. Fi & I are renting an apartment at the moment, once the wedding is paid off, we’ll start socking most of our money in the bank for a down payment on our first home, which we plan to move into either shortly before or after the wedding.
We’ve lived together for 4 years now, so it’s not a huge thing, we’ve been looking into getting a house for awhile.
Post # 7
I personally think that you are over-thinking it. Whether you move in together for the first time or you’ve already been living together for twenty years, have a big grand wedding or an informal elopement, go on an amazing honeymoon or go back to work the next day… it’s all the same result: you’re married all the same, and that’s what is special. I think the day you get married is significant and climactic enough — I wouldn’t seek to go out of my way to try to make more new, exciting things happen trying to feel the “new-ness” of marriage. I also believe there is beauty in ordinary, familiar, everyday life together.
Post # 8
I love the idea of life changing after marriage. I wish I could move into our first home immediately after the wedding… but unfortunately financially things like that aren’t always possible. I completely commend you for what you are doing, and think it is going to be a great way to start the new portion of your life!
Post # 9
I think post-wedding letdown happens regardless of whether you consciously try to make getting married a bigger life step or not. So just be prepared for it to happen.