(Closed) Making guests help cook/clean?

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

If they are LIVING with you, then by all means they better clean up after themselves and help cook/clean/pay for crap.

If they’re visiting for say a weekend, then I wouldn’t want them to unless they really insisted on doing it.  If they’re just over for dinner, no I woudln’t ASK them but I would accept help if they offered 🙂

Post # 4
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

for me, it depends on how long they are staying.  if they are staying just overnight, then i wouldn’t expect much.  for long term stays, week plus, i would appreciate a little bit of help.

back in feb/mar we had 3 sets of visitors at our house in mexico all at different times.  my dad and stepmom came for 2 weeks and right from day one, they were very helpful.  did their own laundry, swept the patio and skimmed the pool every morning.  they even weeded my garden before i got out of bed.  they cleaned their bathroom and swept their bedroom and everything.  great houseguests.  my son came for a week next and he took care of himself and cleaned up after himself.  i became very ill just before my mil came to visit.  i was in bed for 2 weeks and couldn’t even go to the airport to get her.  my husband had to go alone.  she knew that i had literally just got out of bed when she arrived and i was so weak.  she didn’t offer to do anything.  no cooking, no cleaning, i did it all.  she only said to me, you look tired dear.  i just said, well the dinners don’t make themselves.  she even handed her laundry over to my husband to do.  i felt like a friggin maid.  i told my husband that i won’t be doing that again.  if she wants to do nothing on her vacation, she can go to an all-inclusive.  near the end of her visit, she took us out for dinner a few times.  i think to make up for it.  worst houseguest ever.

Post # 5
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t ask guests to help.  If they offer, I’d turn it down too.  They’re guests.  It’s different than living with someone.

Post # 7
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If they are staying with me I would accept help if offered, but I wouldn’t ask unless it was for a very extended period of time. Dinner guests I would never ask, but if they offered to help clear the table or help bring food out or something, of course I would accept, but I would not let them wash dishes or anything like that. 

We just had my mom, sister and my mom’s boyfriend over for dinner and my sister helped me of course but I refused to let my mom help. I realize now having my own house (ok apartment lol) how much I want my guests to have a true guest experience and only really close people to me (like my sister) do I want in the kitchen to myself. 

Post # 8
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Not me. No matter how long they stay. If they aren’t paying rent, they’re guests, and I think my mother would fall down and die if I ever asked a guest to lift a finger for anything. My grandmothers would come back to haunt me with guilt-trip nightmares.

Every time I’ve been a guest, I’ve voluneteered to help with the dishes, etc. And just about every guest I’ve ever had asked to help, and stripped the bed before leaving. But I could never, never ask them to. 

Post # 9
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@MrsBlueSeptember: ditto

I actually feel embarassed when guests in my home try to help out. My friends like to make me mad on purpose because they think it’s funny when I get a little irritated. If they come over and I have snacks/dinner they will take their plates (and anybody else’s) when I turn around and try to do them. They think I do to much when they come over so they feel like it’s fair compensation I suppose. It’s become one of those things I love to hate now that I expect them to try and be sneaky.

Post # 10
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It depends on the guest, but generally, no. If it’s just for a dinner, I find it super awkward when people get up afterwards and get into my messy kitchen and things like that. Just sit down, people! 

If people stay overnight, the only thing I’d like is for them to keep their personal items out of the “communal” areas (living room, etc.). What they do in the guest room is non of my business and I’d only go in to clean or whatever if it’s on my chore list that day and I’d tell them the night before so they can get their personal items out of the way. I also wouldn’t do bigger things that fall into the spring cleaning category.

I do believe in people doing their own laundry, just because I don’t want to handle anyone elses laundry and wouldn’t want anyone to handle mine.. but definitely no cleaning or anything like that. 

I guess a lot of it comes from my first long term experience as a guest when I moved with my Fiance and his parents.. I mean, I lived there, but I would’ve loved to have a little transition period before washing FFILs underwear and having Future Mother-In-Law go through our room while we weren’t there. 

Now my mom visits us from time to time and with her, I basically give her free reign over the kitchen. But that’s because I don’t know how to cook an she teaches me 😀

Post # 11
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I dont care how long they were staying…I wouldn’t let them do anything. That being said: I would expect respect in return….for example: I won’t make them do dishes but I want them to at least put their plate on the counter …don’t just leave it in front of the TV. I’ve never had a bad houseguest so I’ve always played nice with them. Maybe if I had a horrible one then I could get mean…maybe.

 

Post # 12
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’ve never had anyone stay here for more than 2-3 nights at a time… but I don’t ever expect guests to help with cooking or cleaning. Although I do appreciate that sometimes guests will throw their towels and sheets in our laundry room before they go. It’s a little thing but I think it is nice of them. 

Also if people offer to help (and seem genuine) I let them. I always feel awkward in other people’s houses when they are taking care of stuff for me and I feel a lot better when they let me help– so if they ask I give them something to do like chop veggies or whatever. 

Post # 13
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Unless they are family or so close they are considered family, it would be a huge no-no.

 

Eta: fi and I discussed this and figure it shouldn’t come up because we were both taught to offer to help with basic chores when we visit. For example, drying dishes, helping with dinner, clearing the table, etc. Also, if we stay overnight more than one meal, we try to at least offer to make at least one meal.

Post # 14
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Overnight guests? No way! Living with me? Yep. 

Post # 15
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would not ask for help, but would accept help if it was offered.  And that’s only for friends and less close family.  For my dad’s side of the family, who I’m closest to, I could probably just say, “Cousin Sally!  Help me clear the table and tell me about your new job in the kitchen!” or something like that.

Post # 16
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would never make or ask guests to do it, though I find most people tidy up after themselves out of respect. I have NEVER had guests not make the bed before they leave or ask where the dirty towels go, ever. And that is surprising, as my younger brothers and DH’s younger brother have been our guests before, haha.

As far as dinner guests, again I would never ask, but if they hop up and bring their plate to the kitchen, it’s not like I’m going to have them return it so I can get it, ya know?

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