(Closed) Making it Legal Early?

posted 9 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Does his school have any sort of student health insurance options that would be cheaper than paying all the bills you have now?

Every college I’ve gone to (an the grad school my fiance is in) have fairly cheap health insurance plans for students.  it’s probably not the perfect solution, and maybe isn’t the level of coverage that you have, but it beats ‘ruining’ your wedding day by having already had the official ceremony (And it’s poor etiquette to "get married" twice.  You’re supposed to have a renewal of the vows/reaffirmation if your ceremony is after a courthouse wedding).  That option might at least be cheaper than paying the medical bills you have now, even if it’s not quite as cheap as if you could add him to your health insurance as your husband.

Post # 4
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

Do it!  Maybe I only say that because that’s what I have to do.

We’re under a time crunch with FH coming in on a fiance visa.  So to get him under my health insurance as well as finalize all the paperwork which requires the marriage license so that he gets a green card, we are getting married in the courthouse (Arlington, VA!) on the first business day he gets here.  My family was the one who pushed it because they know it will have been 2+ years since we had to separate.

That being said, we’re still planning on having a wedding.  Is your wedding in a church?  Then you can have a blessing.  Have you sent out the invitations?  You can change the wording if you feel comfortable doing so.

My friend had to do the same thing as you though:  get married early to be under her husband’s insurance.  She didn’t tell anyone either, and we only found out at the reception of her second wedding!  I was not offended because I understood her reasoning.  Now that I’m under similar circumstances, I felt like I was cheating everyone out of a "real" wedding.  But I realized that if people got upset for our reasons for getting married early, then tough for them.  They don’t have to come to the wedding.  It is the best situation for us.

Slightly off topic, if your FH has health issues, will your insurance cover him?  If it’s no, then this may not be an issue (whereas finding insurance that will accept both of you will be!). 

HTH!

Post # 5
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I would do a legal ceremony now if it will expedite getting your Fiance on your health insurance. I don’t know if you have already made sure that he will be accepted onto your insurance but if so then I would definitely do it so as not to add to your bills as you start out your life together as a married couple. You could certainly do it in secret, & then go on ahead with your wedding ceremony & reception as already planned.

Post # 6
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Personally, I would love a little court house ceremony to make it legal and then a big party later, but you should do what is best for you guys.  If you haven’t already, you also might check out Mrs. Pineapple’s posts as they did something similar. 

Post # 7
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I was in the exact same position last summer. My Fiance and I had been engaged for 1.5 years at that point, and he wanted to get married early so he could be on my health insurance (he is also in school). Ultimately, I said no because I knew getting married at the courthouse would make our wedding day feel less special, at least for me.

It’s a personal decision, but don’t let yourself be talked into it if it’s something you really don’t want to do.

Post # 8
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’ve actually been thinking of this too for different, much less important reasons.

I had a friend in a similar situation who married her husband early to put him on her health insurance. He had a lump on his neck, needed a biopsy…I’ll spare you the details, but he’s fine. The only problem with their situation is that while they had planned to have a "real" wedding with a party someday, it never materialized and now 5 years have passed.

If you are already planning a wedding and are commited to having the ceremony and party with your family and friends this summer then I see no problems with getting married legally beforehand. Just make sure that your wedding ceremony officiant is ok with your plans before you head to the courthouse. 

If you do go through with you plan you may want to consider doing something to make the day special. Whether, it be choosing a significant date, having a friend marry you (if a Justice of the Peace or Atty can do that in VA), or having a family member as your witness. It will still be a part of your married life and your wedding story so make sure it’s something that you can look back on fondly.

Post # 10
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Two ways you can do it. You can go to the courthouse and keep it to yourselves and just have the "reinactment" for your wedding later this year or you can tell people and change the wording on your invites to accommodate your situation.

Honestly because I needed insurance and my finance has such great benefits we did a civil ceremony last April 25th and this April 25th we are doing a renewal of vowels ceremony because we told everyone what we did. I am still wearing a wedding dress and having the big soiree and they only thing that will be different is our vowels.

Remind him that as important as the big day is that his health is just important. Good Luck! 

Post # 11
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009 - University of Michigan Union

Do it! Just don’t tell anyone, like you planned. Health insurance is so important!

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I personally have no issue with people making it legal early — I believe their reasons are their own. And in your case I think it would be especially wise…health isn’t something to take lightly and in the long run doing this early will give you both peace of mind, health wise and finances wise! I realize you might feel guilty or like you’re cheating people but really, how does a piece of paper on one day change anything for you both? Yes, you are legally married in the eyes of the state, but my view is that the day where you stand in front of your family and friends to declare your love and celebrate that moment is the one that is more definitive and life changing. Of course I think a small, private civil ceremony is just as moving as a large wedding and soiree, so I’m not knocking that option either =) but in this case I don’t think you need to be too hard on yourself.

Post # 13
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

You’ve already locked down the "real" wedding, so go ahead and do it! If you’re worried about feeling like you’re missing out, don’t. It’s what you make of it. I had that concern, but we had to do the courthouse thing for immigration reasons. We made it a fun day (I even had a bouquet), but it didn’t feel like a wedding. AT ALL. It’s just paperwork. And we almost never use the words "husband" and "wife" (except for legal reasons), because to us, the upcoming event is the true wedding. We have told almost no one, not even family! Partly for selfish reasons (I don’t want the "but you’re already married" thing), but also for so the excitement is there for our loved ones too. Our peeps are pretty laidback though, so if they were to find out it would be more of a joke than an angry thing–this may not work for everyone. Anyway, it’s been nine months and it has barely affected us. I can’t wait to get married! Good luck.

Post # 14
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I say go for it!  My Fiance and I have some good friends in an identical situation–our friend E got laid off and on top of no longer having an income, her health insurance and medical expenses were crazy expensive.  So, they got married early (in January); the wedding is this coming August.  She’s covered now, they’re happily and secretly married, and financially more comfortable from month-to-month.

When I first learned of their plans to quietly marry for insurance purposes, I remember really thinking about that option, and my only concern, if it were me, would be that I would wonder if it would make the actual wedding day (of the wedding and reception) ever-so-slightly less special or significant.  I suppose the positive would be that you get to have two special days–one when you make it official at the courthouse, and a second one when you declare your commitment to each other in front of your friends and family.

I guess the question would be–will you feel differently on your wedding day in August, knowing that you’re already married?  And if so, does that matter? 

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

We had the courthouse wedding(actually just us at his parents beach house) as he is in the military and I wanted to move with him. I will say its hard to keep a secret esp if its so far in advance. but the upside is there will be no nerves for the big day and you will be able to enjoy the event! good luck!

Post # 16
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

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