Post # 17
Thank you all so much for your help. Ironically — My FH is too sick to go anywhere especially the courthouse to get married so we’re going to
obsess think about it all weekend. I’ll let you know what happens for sure 🙂
Post # 18
Do it. We had considering it for similar reasons. My Fiance doesn’t have dental coverage, but he REALLY needs to get some work done.
let us know how it goes!
Post # 19
Do it! We were thinking about doing this as well but just for simplicty reasons. You wouldn’t be cheating yourself at all, think of it as a second wedding for your family and friends. You both probably already live together anyway so it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to be married for a couple of months and then have the ceremony
Post # 20
Ok I’m going to do this in two parts, haha. Part One: Get thee to the courthouse! His health is not something you mess around with!!
Part two: Telling. I’d say this depends on circumstances and the couple. I’m against the "well, we were in Vegas and it seemed like a great idea to get married by an Elvis impersonator, so now we’re secretly married and planning the big wedding!" That takes away from the ‘big’ wedding so to speak because you had the wedding you wanted, and now you’re married.
But this isn’t one of those cases, so it comes down to this: what is the courthouse ceremony to you? Whether or not it’s a wedding is irrelevant, the question is do you see it as the beginning of your marriage? Which day will you look back on as your anniversary? If you see him after that day as your husband, then yes, you should tell people that it’s a vow renewal. You got married that day in the courthouse. If you still see him as your fiance, and you only saw that day as necessary paperwork, I’d say keep it between yourselves.
Post # 21
Do it. I am with blightygirl for the same reasons we have. But you can make it special by waiting to have sex (if you aren’t already) till your wedding night to make it special. In other countries this is the way it’s done. You must go to the court house, and 2-3 days latter you have a reception. This is not the way it’s done all over the world. I will most likely end up doing the same thing, and I view it as fun, b/c we get to get married 2x! Go to NYC and have fun at City Hall…there are plenty of ways to make it special.
Post # 22
A lot of progressive companies allow health benefits for "domestic partners" (i.e. folks who can’t get married, namely gay couples). Check — you might be surprised. We found that my fiance could be on my insurance as my "domestic partner," with full benefits and no marriage licence needed.
Post # 23
I agree with amyboston, my fiancee is covered as my common-law partner because we’ve lived together for more then a year. Check it out, it might be the perfect solution! 🙂
Post # 24
ditto amyboston, I’m on my fiance’s health insurance but you do need to live together. certain companies have certain restrictions but it is doable of they offer it.
Post # 25
I have health issues too… I have an pre-existing condition and the small company I work for does not provide health insurance (which makes it IMPOSSIBLE to get individual health insurance- I was on COBRA previously). However, I was able to get on FI’s health insurance back in August after we were living together for 6 months (I think all we had to do was declare ourselves domestic partners and show proof of address). You might want to check into whether or not your health insurance will provide this option for you also.
Post # 26
If I were you I would just do it. Is that one little "etiquette" worth putting yourself into serious debt?
Hope your FI’s health improves. :::hugs:::
P.S. Common law rules are very different in every state. If I remember a lot of states do not recognize common law rules.
And even more health insurance policies do not. I have always had better HI, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Independent Health and I’ve been told they do not recognize common law.
As someone said, his health is not something to mess around with.
Post # 27
I’ve been to a number of inter-cultural weddings where they have more than one ceremoney and which are months apart. One couple I know had a Muslim wedding in London and then a year later had one in the U.S. One didn’t take away from the other. You would also be having two ceremonies/receptions. There is one you do with your head — for legal purposes, i.e., HR and the state; and in August, there is one you do with your heart. Doing the former does not take away from the latter, even if all your guests knows the two of you are already married. In a way, it could take away the pressure of the day as you already have been man and wife. And there is something special in marrying each other twice.
If he is too sick to go to the courthouse, you could still have an officiant marry you at home (assuming you already have the marriage license). Don’t sweat it too much! Just think that he will have months of good health care — covered under your "excellent" health plan — in time to celebrate the wedding you share with your family and friends!!
Post # 28
Just do it. You don’t even have to tell anyone (but your officiant) about it. I know it sounds preachy, but you do not want to start off married life in debt due to medical bills that could have been avoided. Then have the great, big party in August.
Post # 29
Oh- one more thing, the other option I explored before getting on COBRA was applying for a Risk Pool Insurance(Texas has one, not sure if DC has one or not), but it had several requirements, one of which was exhausting my use of COBRA (you can extend previous health insurance through COBRA for up to 18 months I think). Hope this helps, I know way too much about the health insurance system 🙂
Post # 30
I don’t really have anything else to add that hasn’t been said before. But if he really is that sick, do it. Better to be married and have his health situation covered and have people potentially irritated than risk his health because his health insurance bites. Worry about other people later after you’ve done what’s best for you and him and your collective health. 🙂
Good luck! Keep us posted. 🙂
Post # 31
I can see how many benefits there are to pulling the trigger now, but I also understand your hesitations.
I personally don’t think I could keep that large of a secret. Then again, my parents were married in a private ceremony 7 months before their wedding and didn’t tell anyone! They did it so that they would feel comfortable living together.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you’re pondering – it definitely makes sense!! How much do you already have planned? Are you almost entirely locked in with all of your vendors in August? Have you considering revising the event to be more of a reception party?