Post # 47
We got married legally because I have a serious medical condition and needed health insurance. Our "real wedding" with friends and family will be a little more than a year since legally getting married. I think it’s a good idea. Even if anyone did find out, they’d understand.
Post # 48
I’m not sure what the laws/regulations are in VA, but we’ve done something similar and may do it again later this year.
We currently live together and my hubby to be (who was BF) at the time has dental insurance and vision insurance though my work as a "domestic partner" (the proof we needed was a bill w/ both our names and our lease).
We’re getting married in August, but both finish residency (and hence our current jobs) in June/July – he has a position lined up already and I don’t, so we’re now thinking of getting legally married before we finish residency so I can pick up his health insurance in case I have some lag time between finding a job.
good luck, i’m sure you’ll both make the right desicion.
Post # 49
I say go for it…it saves you money in the long run and the end results are the same. As for feeling bad about it, it´s really no ones business when you guys officially got married. The wedding is a time to CELEBRATE your union and it shouldn´t matter what date the paper says.
Post # 50
I completely understand what you are saying. My Fiance and I contemplated the very same question. See he is in the military and was going to go away on deployment. When he asked me if I would consider getting married by a justice of peace, I thought he was crazy. I have been waiting my entire life to find the man of my dreams and having my big traditional wedding and to get married by a jp would be cheating me of my dream. My Fiance wanted me to be taken care of in the unfortunate event something happened to him during deployment.
After a convincing talk with my mother, I decided to go through with it. It was my best decision We decided it was best not to tell anyone about it. Our little secret. He has since left on deployment and I feel more at ease that I am his wife now. I have to admit planning my big wedding is not so full of anxiety for me since I married him. I feel so good about the decision,because I love him dearly, but also because the military recognizes me as his wife and I am able to get more information in this way than if I was just his girlfriend. I say do it! You’re big day will still mean so much more to you.
Post # 51
- Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion
I know a couple of people have mentioned it, but I highly suggest looking into the common law marriage idea. Depending on your state, some have very lax rules! For instance, in Texas, you only need to live together with a present agreement that you are husband and wife. My Fiance and I did this over a year ago! Good thing, too, otherwise I would’ve had to go get my own health insurance, which would’ve cost a fortune. We didn’t even have to file any paperwork–he just told HR at his job that we were married and they were like "OK, cool."
If you don’t already live together, I say go ahead and go through with the early marriage. You really don’t have to tell anyone!
Post # 52
I just checked and VA doesn’t recognize a common law marriage. But thank you so much for the advice — it would have been a GREAT option for us — so hopefully it helps out some other bees 🙂
Post # 53
Wow, it sounds like your Fiance is SUPER sick since he can’t get to the courthouse. I bet if you called up a nice little old pastor and explained your situation (and maybe cried a little), he would come to your house and perform the ceremony since your Fiance is so sick. Hopefully your health insurance picks up the tab. After you do this, I bet you will feel so grateful knowing that you put his well being above your wedding…which you’ll still get to have!
Post # 54
Do what’s right for you! That day in August will still be special whether you are already married or not.
Post # 55
My husband and I got married in February for insurance reasons, though we have a huge June wedding planned (have planned since December 2007). We went to the Fairfax court house to pick up our certificate, scheduled with an officiant (VA is strange that you can’t just get married in the court house directly though it’s nice that you don’t have a waiting period), and got married. The ceremony was 5 minutes of watching the officiant fill out the paperwork and then 5 minutes of exchanging vows. I’m not sure if we had to do the exchange of vows for legal purposes or what, but we were paying the officiant $50 anyway. The next business day I returned the certificate to the courthouse (the officiant recommended that this is the fastest way to get copies–they’ll do it right there for you), and filled out the insurance change paperwork. We told our parents, some relatives, and close friends, and everyone agreed that it was the best thing to do. (The other thing that’s interesting about getting married in VA is that you don’t need other witnesses besides the officiant, so none of them came.) It felt more like paperwork than a significant milestone, which we’re totally fine with because we’re still looking forward our June wedding. Life got in the way of the date we originally planned to start our lives as husband and wife; it’s funny like that.
Post # 56
I’m with emeraldcity – welcome to the military bride life!
We hashed it out and realized that for us and the military, it just made more sense to make it official early. We haven’t told a soul and our wedding is next weekend.. and I dont feel deprived or like I’ve missed something like I was afraid I would. My advice is that if you do it, keep it as low key and paperwork driven as possible. We literally stood there with the base captain, (who is alos a notary) and said that we vowed to uphold all the vows we would say on April 4th. He signed it and we were done. It couldnt have been more perfect.
Post # 57
We made it legal early so I could be put on my FI’s health & dental insurance (yes, I still call him my fiance, and as far as anyone knows, our anniversary will be April 25. As far as WE’RE concerned, that will be our anniversary. I don’t think a piece of paper in any way diminishes what our wedding day will mean to us. I don’t think I’ll be thinking, "No big deal, we’re already married" as I’m saying my vows. I think it will be just as special as it would be if we weren’t already legally married. Of course, since in Colorado, a couple can solemnize their own marriage without any exchange of vows (you just both sign the papers), April 25 will be the first time we say "I do."
Post # 58
Hi again hive! I wanted to thank everyone again and update on our legal status:
We talked with my parents about the situation and they (are very old school) and really wanted us to wait. BUT they have offered to help us defer some of the medical costs until August. THANKFULLY my Fiance is in much better health (we FINALLY found a treatment that is effacious and cost EFFECIENT) so hopefully this will not be a huge financial burden for my parents or us.
Thank you all SO MUCH for your support and sharing your stories. It was really awesome.
Post # 59
I’m happy to hear that things are better and that you’ve found a solution which suits you.