(Closed) Making moves!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

That’s a tricky one. I suppose it depends on how confident you feel that he will propose in the next 18 months and how happy you would be waiting that long. If you don’t feel comfortable taking out a 2 year lease without a more formal commitment, then talk to him? Maybe if you say to him something along the lines of ‘I’m really excited to move in, and think it’s a big positive step. I know you want to move in together for a while before proposing, and I understand that but I’m feeling a bit insecure, can we discuss the timeline more?’

Post # 5
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d say count on the original plan of a year and a half. That way there’s no disappointments if it doesn’t happen sooner. Clearly he’s excited to be living with you so that’s a great sign. Don’t be worried, just enjoy the time you have together!

Post # 6
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

My first thought would be to say plan for the longer wait.  You know it is in your future, and you did agree to that timeline.  Then you get to enjoy this new step in your relationship for now, and if he happens to pop the questions sooner then that will just be a wonderful surprise.

But….if you’re anything like me then what I just said will never work.  I know that I could never let it rest and it would drive me crazy until we talked about it.  If you’re feeling that way then I’d start a conversation, bringing it up in a way like flownmuse said.

Post # 7
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think it’s a good time to (gently) bring it back up.  Make sure you tell him how much you love the apartment and how excited you are to live with him– it sounds like he’s in it for the long haul.  

I’d make the conversation less about you worrying he won’t ever propose or be ready and more about “so how is our life together going to go?”  It could be a good time to bring up kids/pets etc. so you’re both on the same page and know what your next few years are going to look like. 

Post # 11
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@emerald2012:  I’m glad that the transition went well! That can be kind of a scary time for both people – trying to navigate around each other and get over annoying habits. I just moved in with my SO 3 months ago as well so I totally understand. I can relate to how you feel because it’s really hard for me to wait with no particular timeframe in which this is going to happen. Luckily for me I know my SO has the ring and I think I have 4 weeks until the proposal. So my waiting will *hopefully* come to an end soon. 

As far as your situation…I think you have a couple options. Sometimes being on a wedding blog can make the obsession worse, depending on your personality. Sometimes it really helps because you can vent and get advice without involving your SO. I think you need to decide which the Bee is for you. If it’s making you crazy, you might consider staying off for a while or limiting your time. 

Next, you’ve got to find a way to keep yourself occupied and put the time you spend thinking about weddings to a more productive use. Volunteer, pick up a new hobby, spend more time with your friend, focus on you. It can be difficult, but I think in your situation, this is what is going to break you out of this “I HAVE TO KNOW” funk and you can get back to being the awesome, amazing woman your SO loves and wants to marry. Have you read Mr. Bee’s Plan? Good advice there! 

Hope this helps! 

Post # 13
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@emerald2012:  We went ring shopping back in March and like 3 weeks ago when I asked how his day was he rattled off a list of things he did, and at the end he said, and I went and bought something. He had a huge grin on his face and I know he didn’t buy anything for the house or himself. Then he ran inside before I could get there to erase his to-do list off the white board. But the only reason I know he bought it is that I went to get the mail a week or so ago and found a statement from Jared for him. Purely an accident and I’m glad I was at home by myself. I shoved it back in and pretended I never saw him. I also noticed him transferring money between his accounts which he hadn’t done in a long time. 

Anyway, in any past conversations, have you discussed rings? Such as if you want it to be a joint process or if he wants to pick it out or anything like that? I felt more at ease knowing that he had all the infomation and the ball was really in his court. I really have a hard time letting go of the control and this was one way I was able to hand everything over to him and happily wait. 

For me the Bee is where I get all my wedding/engagement crazies out. It definitely works for me but I know it back fires for some people. I found out that I wasn’t the only one in my particular situation and it made me feel  SO much better! 

Sounds like you are very good at multitasking! I know that keeping busy doesn’t always keep the mind off of other topics like engagement. I am a worrier too. Even if there’s nothing to worry about, I almost invent things that concern me. For me, I have to work through why I’m worried or if there’s something deeper that I’m not addressing that would make me act like I am. I have to repeatedly keep telling myself that it’s not worth it and that I’m wasting my time. Now that I know I do it, it’s easier to control. 

Having someone to talk to about this sort of thing also really helps me, hence why I’m on this board. Everyone here is pretty great, especially on the waiting board. We all have good and bad days and it’s so much easier to go through when you can share. I think you’ll like it here!

Post # 15
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@emerald2012:  I got pretty lucky finding the statement. My SO isn’t the best at hiding something really exciting. It’s funny because he really wants it to be a surprise but has trouble not dropping hints. Or what he thinks will surprise me is actually really obvious. It’s very cute though. 

Ok, so he knows what you like and wants to pick it out. And I think it’s cool that you bought yourself a ring! But now it’s a matter of figuring out how to keep sane until he does propose. That can be tough but it’s a mental battle now. I think you are really the only one who can figure out what can help you to get to a place where you are happy with the way things are. 

I think you’ll figure it out though because you recognize this is not how you want to feel and you’re willing to try things to change it. I also think the Bee is the perfect place for you. So many ladies have wonderful ideas that I wouldn’t have thought of. Start here and see what you find. 

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