(Closed) Making my mother happy

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should we get married in KS or NJ?
    KS, where I live : (46 votes)
    90 %
    NJ, where I am from : (5 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 2
    46877 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999


    MrsZynxy:  It is not your job to make your Mom happy. That is her responsibility.

    Your Mom is upset at the moment because her dream is not going to happen. Give her some time and she will see that her dream is not going to happen because she is moving. not because you are not getting married in NJ.

    Have the wedding you want, where you live now.

    Will your home in KS work as a place for you, your Mom and the girls to get ready? If not,can your budget tolerate booking  a lovely suite for you, the girls and your Mom to get ready so she has the experience she has dreamed of, even if it is not in her home?

    Post # 4
    7383 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Your mom will get overr it.  No way would I pay NJ prices when you can get the same wedding at half the cost.

    Post # 5
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    MrsZynxy:  Aw, I can understand why you feel bad but I also feel that your mother, if she’s a reasonable person, understands and supports your decision.  It would be foolish indeed to double your budget and plan a wedding long-distance just to fulfill your Mother’s vision of you getting ready at home.  

    You can still have that getting ready together moment – just at your place or in a hotel.  What is important is that you are both alive and will get to have that moment regardless of geography.

    Post # 6
    564 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Have the wedding where you currently live, but make it special for your Mom. You could have a special sleepover the night before with just the two of you, have photos of the two of you printed to have around the house, get her a special gift, etc. 

    Post # 7
    2054 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I say have the wedding you want in KS!

    Can you have a bridal shower or luncheon or engagement party at your mom’s house?  Have a friend who is good with a camera take lots of pictures.  It might be nice for memories!

    Post # 8
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    MrsZynxy:  I am from NJ and planning my wedding still trying to stay on budget . It’s expensive to get married in nj and if you can have the wedding of your dream in KS by all mean go for it. Your mom will get over it to make it for easy for include her in the wedding preparations like going with her dress shopping and food tasting and other wedding relating stuff that’s won’t Required her to travel often.

    Post # 9
    9723 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I think you should be firm but loving. Maybe you could go visit her and get your dress in NYC- have a mom/daughter bridal weekend?

    Post # 10
    904 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    My parents moved out-of-state very unexpectedly about 2 years before my wedding… the wedding I was planning on having in my hometown.  For a couple of months I still doggedly kept on doing research and making plans for a hometown wedding, because that’s where I grew up and I had a big emotional attachment to the area, but eventually I realized that it was just too much of a pain in the butt to plan a wedding in a town that’s not only 6 hours away from where I live (and have lived since 2005), but where I no longer had a family connection.  It’s one thing to drive 6 hours to meet with photographers and caterers when I can turn it into a weekend visit with my folks, but having to stay in a hotel and just dawdling around by ourselves?  No fun.  

    So now we’re getting married in our city, and it’s so much more convenient for everybody involved.  I think you should go ahead and plan your wedding for where you live, and try to find other way to make special memories with your mother.

    Post # 11
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’ve never understood the hometown wedding idea, unless you’re very young. People go to college, get jobs and move. So unless you’re both from the same town, and most people you would invite still live there, it just makes more sense to get married where you live. 

    Post # 13
    3238 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    is there something wedding related you could do at her house before the wedding on a trip to visit? Like try everything on to make sure your outfit all goes properly, or make things together?  She could have a shower for you, you could wear a nice white sundress and have her help you get ready for that.

    Post # 14
    1984 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Would she feel better if she could throw you a shower in her home? Do you still know a lot of people in that area that would come?

    Post # 15
    3025 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    Your reasons are rock-solid. I think you’d be nuts to change your plan. Your mom will get over that vision as your date approaches. She’ll soon have a new vision and I’m sure will be totally thrilled with whatever plans you make– especially if you can do something special for her.

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