Post # 1
I don’t really know if anyone can help with this issue or not but I’d be greatful for any comments or advice x
so quick back story, was in an abusive relationship for 12 years with a very controlling and manipulative man who cheated and accused me of cheating constantly…he left me 3 years ago for someone else ..needless to say I was relieved to be out of it but I knew I had some healing of my own to do
in the process I met a wonderful guy and we’ve now been together for 2 years, it took me a very long time to trust him and believe that he wanted to be with me, but he is amazing and makes me very happy …ok here’s we here it gets silly!
i am incredibly jealous at times..especially when it comes to Facebook! If he adds a new friend I’m instantly on there checking her out..I check his friend list daily for any new girls, its got to the point where I have deleted him as a friend to stop myself seeing updates or girls commenting on his wall, but I still check his friend list! He doesn’t know I do this..I feel so horrible about it, I don’t know what I’m looking for and I’m making myself crazy..also I know it’s incredibly childish..I have tried to stop doing it but the feeling gets really overwhelming and I end up giving in..I don’t really know how to deal with it 🙁
Post # 3
Oh my… Not to sound anything but positive but I do think you should see a therapist. I was in an abusive relationship for quite some time before meeting DH and it was so hard to move on through it. It’s been 4 years since I left the jerk but still at times it gets to me, if it wasn’t for therapy I’d likely still have serious issues.
They can help you learn to trust, they can help your insecurities and they can help you feel strong again. They give you tools you need to move on with your life and lead a much more promising and happy life. It’s worth looking into.
That being said, I look into my husbands FB account a few times a week. He knows I do this, I check his facebook way more than he does and he’s alright with this because he knows I’ll let him know if he gets a message or anything, he’s not much of a computer user so it’s like I keep him updated on his own FB lol. But I tell him, and when he gets a friend request from a female I ask him who she is before accepting her friend request. I’ve told him as well “I’m gonna ask about the girls that want to be friends with you on FB” and he doesn’t mind at all. We both have a mutual understanding.
It comes from the beginning of our relationship, he had a female friend who he’d had sexual relations with in his past, I would drop him off to go hang out with her. But he told me in the beginning of the relationship that nothing ever happened between them, that they were just friends. Come to find out they did have a sexual history and I got very angry at his lie. So they stopped hanging out for the most part. Then he sees my facebook and sees these male friends who at some point in knowing them all tried to date me pretty much and he didn’t feel comfortable with that. So we came to an understanding, we can be mutual friends with the opposite sex (where both of us are friends with them but mostly they are friends of the one of us who is the same sex) but we wont have close friendships with anyone of the opposite sex. It works for us.
So he goes on my facebook one day and sees a couple guys from high school and such that I was friends with, I had a crush on or I dated years ago and he got a bit jealous. So I deleted the friends, no biggie. So we have a mutual understanding, if it makes us uncomfortable we will delete the person that makes the other one feel uncomfortable. So I have no issue going through his facebook and asking about these girls. And good thing too because one of the girls that sent him a request was the same girl that keeps trying to rub my nose in her past relationship with my DH.
I’d say to nicely be honest with your FI about this, honesty is always best. If it makes you uncomfortable tell him and see if there is something you two can agree on. But I do also suggest therapy.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
I was not friends with my Fi on Facebook until a month or three ago for this reason. I know how I get. I know I would make myself crazy and drive him nutty with my jealousy. I would suggest enforcing trust by not looking, and if that is impossible, don’t be Facebook friends. Keep your relationship in real life.
PI am now friends with my Fi because we got engaged and I have learned to control myself, possibly because of the added security a wedding gives me.
Post # 5
Oh I’m so relieved that I’m not the only person who feels that way when it comes to Facebook! and yes I do think some kind of therapy would be helpful , in have considered it just as a means of putting my past into perspective but iv not taken that step yet
I hate not being friends with him on there and I know it kinda hurt his feelings when I deleted him and couldn’t explain why (I was too embarrassed of my childishness) but I hate the jealousy more! I don’t have his password or anything so I just see what any friends would see and it wasn’t enough..I just had the urge to keep digging 🙁
also I kept waiting for the relationship status change and it never came..it was hurtful! I know how bad this sounds, I’m a 33 year old woman for goodness sake :-/