(Closed) Making myself crazy :-/

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh my… Not to sound anything but positive but I do think you should see a therapist. I was in an abusive relationship for quite some time before meeting DH and it was so hard to move on through it. It’s been 4 years since I left the jerk but still at times it gets to me, if it wasn’t for therapy I’d likely still have serious issues. 

They can help you learn to trust, they can help your insecurities and they can help you feel strong again. They give you tools you need to move on with your life and lead a much more promising and happy life. It’s worth looking into.

That being said, I look into my husbands FB account a few times a week. He knows I do this, I check his facebook way more than he does and he’s alright with this because he knows I’ll let him know if he gets a message or anything, he’s not much of a computer user so it’s like I keep him updated on his own FB lol. But I tell him, and when he gets a friend request from a female I ask him who she is before accepting her friend request. I’ve told him as well “I’m gonna ask about the girls that want to be friends with you on FB” and he doesn’t mind at all. We both have a mutual understanding.

It comes from the beginning of our relationship, he had a female friend who he’d had sexual relations with in his past, I would drop him off to go hang out with her. But he told me in the beginning of the relationship that nothing ever happened between them, that they were just friends. Come to find out they did have a sexual history and I got very angry at his lie. So they stopped hanging out for the most part. Then he sees my facebook and sees these male friends who at some point in knowing them all tried to date me pretty much and he didn’t feel comfortable with that. So we came to an understanding, we can be mutual friends with the opposite sex (where both of us are friends with them but mostly they are friends of the one of us who is the same sex) but we wont have close friendships with anyone of the opposite sex. It works for us.

So he goes on my facebook one day and sees a couple guys from high school and such that I was friends with, I had a crush on or I dated years ago and he got a bit jealous. So I deleted the friends, no biggie. So we have a mutual understanding, if it makes us uncomfortable we will delete the person that makes the other one feel uncomfortable. So I have no issue going through his facebook and asking about these girls. And good thing too because one of the girls that sent him a request was the same girl that keeps trying to rub my nose in her past relationship with my DH.

I’d say to nicely be honest with your FI about this, honesty is always best. If it makes you uncomfortable tell him and see if there is something you two can agree on. But I do also suggest therapy.

Post # 4
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy

I was not friends with my Fi on Facebook until a month or three ago for this reason. I know how I get. I know I would make myself crazy and drive him nutty with my jealousy. I would suggest enforcing trust by not looking,  and if that is impossible, don’t be Facebook friends. Keep your relationship in real life. 

PI am now friends with my Fi because we got engaged and I have learned to control myself, possibly because of the added security a wedding gives me.

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