(Closed) making the decision

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 4
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

from the beginning, I’ve made it clear to my Boyfriend or Best Friend that I do not want children.  he also has no desire/need for children. so 99.9% we’re not having kids.  i say 99.9% because you know, never say never.  examine your lives together and see if another child fits in.  there are pros and cons and will it be worth the sacrifices for you?

Post # 5
Member
41 posts
Newbee

For us it was easy. SO like your husband has two children.  I don’t want any of my own and he’s okay with that. Having a kid together is something you both have to be 100% for sure about. Can you live without ever having a child of your own?  Would you rather sleep in and do what you guys want to do rather than having to take care of a baby? You guys don’t have to be ready now to make that decision but it’s good that you are talking about it and trying to figure it out.

Post # 6
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have known since I was in junior high I didn’t want children. I let my Darling Husband know that very early on in our dating relationship and he was pretty sure he felt the same way. I think it was a relief to him that the decision was already made.

Post # 7
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We were both pretty sure before we met. I have a teenager from a prior relationship and simply could not see myself starting over with 2am feedings, diapers, potty training, etc. And Mr. LK, though he would be a wonderful Dad of a small child, simply is not comfortable with babies and little ones. He has no real desire for everything that a baby entails, and thoroughly loves being teen LK’s Dad. It’s much easier for him to relate to a teenage boy than to a 2 year old, ya know? So once we both understood that neither of us were enthusiastic about the idea of having a baby, it became crystal clear that one was simply not going to be part of our plan.

In My Humble Opinion, both parents should be enthusiastic and eager about the idea. If neither one feels that way, there’s your answer.

As an aside, everyone keeps telling us that we will change our minds. We’re 32 years old and have 4 years until teen LK is in college. These people are out of their tree thinking we are going to start over. Out of their dang tree, I tell you! 

Post # 10
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@hecallsmelove:  Stating that you may regret not having one says it all.  Yes your life will be hectic, but i doubt you would ever regret having that child. Just sayin. Good luck!!

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow, I would say that is something you should have decided before marriage. What if he decideds that his 2 boys are plenty, and you decide you really want a child of your own?

Me and Fiance discussed this about mid-way onwards of our relationship. The only thing we haven’t decided is if we will just have 1 or 2, but we decided to leave that decision to after we have the first one.

ETA: The fact that it has been on your mind alot lately should be answer enough, if you weren’t wanting a baby you wouldn’t be thinking about it.

Post # 12
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@hecallsmelove:  You absolutely would fall in love if you decided to have a little one. And that’s what I told Mr. LK. If our bc failed and I got pregnant, we’d be having a baby. Period. Although I am vehemently pro-choice, and support a woman’s right to terminate, termination would not be the right decision for me. We would love that bebe, be f’ing awesome parents, and make sure that he/she had the best life that we could possibly provide. But I have no intention of stopping my bc, leaving things up to fate, or actually trying to get pregnant. A new baby is not something that either of us want, but we would happily face the music if we had to.  

Post # 13
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I used to think I was 100% against kids, but now I’m not so sure.  Now I sit around and think about how I can’t really imgaine my life in the future without kids.  Fiance is still against them. =/

Post # 14
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 1993

We were both very clear about not wanting children (he claims he could be ‘pursuaded’ if it was something I REALLY wanted, but does not want kids otherwise) early on in our relationship and have really enjoyed our child-free marriage, so this isn’t an issue for us.  Sorry I couldn’t help but this is one of those things where I feel you should know for sure that you want to be parents or not.

Post # 16
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is not attacking anyone, I am just GENUINELY curious as to why people who are 100% sure they never want kids hang out on the pregnancy message board?

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