(Closed) Making those invitation lists!!!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Could you clarify?

Do you have to cut your numbers down too much?  

No matter what, you can only invite wedding guests to showers.  

Post # 4
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010


I woudln’t invite anyone to any wedding related evet that isn’t on the wedding list. So start there first. And as hard as it is, I’d suggest not even mentioning these parties to anyone until you guys all sit down together and put together your wedding invited list. THEN you make your guest lists off of that one.

Well, is 200 your total?
Did you guys divide up the list? For example, Bride’s family gets 75 people, Groom’s gets 75 and the couple gets 50?

At least for us, our Rehearsal Dinner had to stay under 50 (which I keep reminding my mom who keeps wanting to add everyone) – so your venues could determine size. The more people you mention the wedding to, or invite them to related parties, the more people you have to invite to the wedding. Its hard to not invite everyone to everything. Sounds like you guys are a big share-the-love family. But make that Wedding Guest List (A-List and B-Llist) first — oh, but FYI B-listers shouldn’t be invited to the other parties – in case they don’t end up getting the wedding invite.

Good luck!

Post # 5
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m a bit confused why you’re inviting family – a lot of family – to the rehearsal dinner?  That is typically JUST the bridal party, parents, bride, and groom.  That seems like an unnecessary expense, AND if those people are invited to the wedding as well, they really don’t need to be at the rehearsal dinner.  If they’re NOT invited to the wedding it seems very rude to invite them to the rehearsal dinner.

It sounds like you have a LOT of family and not a lot of space.  While it is hard, I think you’ll just have to suck it up and pare down the list of who is MOST important, closest, nicest, etc. to attend.  If you have more people you’d like to celebrate with, consider a non-formal pot luck celebration AFTER the wedding instead.

For the engagement party, I see nothing wrong with inviting people who aren’t invited to the wedding.  An engagement party isn’t the same as a bridal shower (where people are expected to bring gifts).  Making it clear that it is a “No Gift” event will grease the wheels on that.

The reason you don’t invite people to a bridal shower who aren’t invited to the wedding is because it’s rude to expect people to give you gifts for a special event they are not invited to.  Kinda like having a “Birthday Shower” then telling everyone they’re not invited to the Birthday Party.

Post # 8
235 posts
Helper bee

I’m a MOG also.  If you want to invite family to the rehearsal dinner that is not directly involved in the wedding (but are invited), I think that’s fine as long as you are paying for it.  But as for the shower, you should only invite those who will be invited to the actual wedding. As for the engagement party, I think you have a little more leeway.  Most people like the church members and co-workers will probably understand that the event is to introduce the couple and celebrate the engagement without expecting an invitation.  Just gently spread the word during the party that the wedding is going to be a smaller family and close friends of the couple affair, and people will understand. 

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