(Closed) Making usherettes feel as important as bm??

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Hi there,

I was honored to be an usherette in my future brother and sister in law when they were married 2 years ago. It made me feel included and loved especially since there was only family in the bridal party.

here’s the thing: You can do whatever you like. They will be honored to be included so much and will most likely be very gracious about not being in some bridal party pictures. To make them feel included, have your photographer grab a shot of the three of you with no one else that is what my sister in law did.

Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was married about 4 years ago and I had the matched couples thing because I thought it had to be done to look good.

For me, it was a mistake.  I look back now and don’t care at all about it being symmetrical.  You could just ask two of them to get different dresses in the other color because you think it would be pretty to have six in one color paired with the groomsmen and two in another color walking together.  In pictures, they’d be like bookends; especially if they are good friends with each other, that could be really cute and make for some cute friend pictures.  You can even draw randomly from a hat to see who gets the burnt orange so no one feels less special.  If color is your only concern, I think this could be a good solution.

If they’re friends with your bridesmaids, it’s could be a situation where it seems like you picked your closer friends to be bridesmaids and your other friends to be lesser bridesmaids, depending on the temperments of the people involved. 

Post # 5
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m only have 2 BMs because I want to keep it super simple – his sister and my female BFF. It’s tricky to choose just her because we come from a larger group of girls that have been friends a long time, and even though we’re not all as close as we used to be I know they’ll likely be a bit sad if they don’t feel included in some way.

I’ve decided that I’ll expain to them why I only chose the one girl: to keep it simple, and because she’s been around the most to know all the history of me and Fiance and because she’s spent enough time around Fiance that the two of them are friends as well. So it’s not “my” bridesmaids but “our” wedding party.

Then I’ll find ways that they can be included in the day (such as your usherette idea). I’ll be sure to thank them individually at the reception and include them in photos.

At the end of the day, a friend will understand.

Post # 6
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m in the same situation! I’m having 4 BMs, all are my sisters & 1 cousin. I don’t care about symmetry, but I have too many close girlfriends and didn’t want like 8 BMs so I just stuck with family as my wedding party so that I didn’t hurt any feelings.

I think it’s great that you’re thinking about having them dress in your wedding colors, BUT if I were them, I wouldn’t want to spend $$ on a dress when I’m not even a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

I’m having 2 of my girlfriends be usherettes and the other 2 be personal attendants. I’m thinking about asking them to wear black dresses that they already own, and then I’ll buy them a sash or hair piece & boutonniere in our colors. 

Just an idea!  I feel your pain 🙁 Good luck!

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