Post # 1
I’ve got all my bridesmaids picked out – my best (female) friend, my sister, my sister in law, and my best male friend. I love all these people and I’m thrilled that they all agreed to be on my team!
Unfortunately, FMIL is quite traditional, and freaked when she heard that one of my bridesmaids was a guy. She keeps bringing up how it will look visually and she’s saying that people will think it’s odd that one of my best friends is a guy on my wedding day. It’s like she thinks I’m favouring this guy on a day when I’m showing my love and dedication to another man (her son).
- My friend is gay – we’ve known each other our whole lives and there is no romantic interest whatsoever
- I can’t exactly ask my FI to be a bridesmaid – and I’m pretty sure groom trumps bridesmaid in terms of the bride’s favourite people on the day!
- In terms of how it will look visually, my bridesman will be matching the bridesmaids (as much as possible), and we’re having two flower girls and no page boys, so guys outnumbering girls won’t be too big an issue.
I just really needed to vent. FILs are driving me nuts with this wedding planning. They keep pushing us to change what we’re planning, and this is something I will not compromise on, yet they keep bringing it up!
Post # 3
@LadyElva: I had this problem too. We wanted the bestman to be a woman and my mother was not happy. Instead we made her best woman and she will stand with the bridesmaids and wear the bridesmaid dress. Would you be happy if he could stand with the groomsmen? Atleast then he will still be in the bridal party.
Post # 4
My bridesmaids are my brother and male cousin. No women on my side. His best man is his best friend (female). They also had a relationship 10 or so years ago (they were friends long before, and realised that’s all they should have ever been). He was worried about reactions, but I told him the only person whose reaction should matter is mine, and if he doesn’t have her on his side, I’ll have her on mine. His sister was weird about it (she was talking to me at the time), but I set her straight on that.
I’m kind of cranky about people telling me what to do, so I’m always going to say to do what makes YOU happiest. If he’s your friend and you want him standing with you, have him. Tell fmil thanks for the opinion, but it’s your decision.
Post # 5
@BlushLove: I did consider having my friend on FI’s side, but given that my friend and my FI have only met a few times (I don’t live anywhere near my friend), it just seems weird. Not to mention that I’ve compromised on a lot of aspects of the wedding with the FILs so far (and we’re still in preliminary planning stage!), so to compromise on something I’ve wanted since before FI and myself met just isn’t gonna happen
@HeathenSwan: Thanks HeathenSwan! I think I am gonna have to just say “Thanks but no thanks” to FMIL. My family are all fine with it – they know my friend and love him heaps (and my extended family know that I tend to have more close guy friends that girl friends). It’s just FI’s family that want a traditional wedding, so they’re putting loads of pressure on us
Post # 6
I had my cousin as my man of honor at our wedding and NOONE questioned who I was getting married to. If he is one of your closest friends and you want him to stand up with you at your wedding, have him on your side! Don’t let anyone talk you out of it bc you may regret it after.
Post # 7
I would sit down with MIL and say ‘I’ve heard what you’ve said, but this is really important to me and I am not going to change my mind. Your son is absolutely my number one that day, and if people don’t realize that, then they are missing the whole point of the wedding! Moving forward, please respect my choice; I would like for us not to discuss this any further.’ Or something to that degree.
I’ve found typically when you call someone out on their opinions or passive aggressive remarks, acknowledge that you’ve heard them but aren’t changing your stance, they leave it alone.
If you do this and your ILs still bring it up, simply ignore them or change the subject. If they’re not getting a response, they’ll give up!
ETA: I’m a ‘groomswoman’ in a friends’ wedding in a few months and I’m more thrilled about being on the guys’ side than I’ve been being on the girls’ side! I feel like because it’s sort of ‘against the norm’ it is almost more meaningful. I’m very honored and I’m sure your male BFF is too! Stick to your guns!
Post # 8
I think the bridal party should be standing up for the couple, not just for the bride or just for the groom. While I don’t see anything wrong or weird about a male bridesmaid or a female groomsman, if moving the bridesman (for lack of a better term) to the groom’s side of the lineup keeps the peace in the family, it’s certainly easy enough to do, and it can be a show of your combined circle of friends coming together to stand up for the both of you.
But I also think the traditional gender-based “the bride picks the girls and the groom picks the boys” is outdated. If I wanted a guy friend in the party or my Fi wanted a female friend, we should be able to have that without worrying about who stands on whose side or do the numbers match.
Post # 9
I personally think you should do as you please! I think your way sounds lovely and it should be done in no other waty. Esp if its just to shut the in laws up!!! (I have an annoying Mother in law too!!) hahaha…
Just do it your way.. It will be your photos and your memories! xxx