(Closed) Male climax problems??

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i can’t really give you advice on the male orgasm part because i really don’t know but as for the itchiness after using condoms- i don’t care what your doc says, it could be from the latex. try using non-latex condoms next time and see if that’s better.

 

Post # 4
Member
1123 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

What I am thinking could be the problem is that he feels pressure to finish and the more times you go without him finishing during sex, the more pressure he feels to do so. If a person masturbates too much or even frequently really, a downside is is takes MUCH longer for them to finish during sex. He learns and gets used to his rythm and I don’t know the scientific reasoning behind it but it is just like that.

I’d say before you see him again talk to him in a non degrading just curious manner and ask how often he takes care of himself and go by that. If he does it every day or twice a day or something ask him to try to hold off for 4 days. If he does it every other day ask him to hold off for a week. If he does it every week ask him to not for two weeks. And make that time frame of course right before he sees you so he’s ready to finish by the time he sees you.

 

After a couple of times of it going the way you both want he should be more comfortable without any issues. I think a lot of it has to do with him feeling pressure or insecure.

I don’t think it’s necessarily a doctor thing as he can finish and can be aroused.

Post # 5
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Obviously his plumbing is working right, so that’s not a concern, so it’s probably just a matter of behavior/experience.

The condoms probaby are a big part of it. That could be coupled with fear of making you pregnant which a more reliable form of birth control might help with. Can you try a different version of pill, or maybe Nuvaring or the patch? If not, maybe a diaphragm? Anything reliable that would let him quit the condoms.

Also (I’m informed) a hand–his or yours–feels very different from a vagina, so it may be just a matter of getting used to it. Make sure he doesn’t release for at least a day or two prior to the next time you have intercourse.

 

Hope This Helps.

Post # 7
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@crazyquestion:  read this: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14968 and the 2nd article on this: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=14090666&mode=print

once you get married and start having sex all the time, show him these articles. basically, it advises that MANY men get hooked on the way it feels to masturbate, and they basically train their bodies to orgasm from the feeling of a hand, which is different from the feeling of sex. to retrain their bodies, dan savage suggests men using the non-dominant hand to masturbate, using a light grip, and/or taking a break from masturbating.  

Post # 8
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@fingerscrossed:  +1. The vagina is just not as tight as a hand can be, and he will need to retrain himself. Get him to not masterbate for a week and see if that helps.

Post # 9
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My FH had issues with this the first 2 months or so that we were sleeping together. I really didn’t understand at all and it was hard on both of us, but after talking to one of my guy friends he told me leave it alone and let him work through it because it was probably all in his head. Once we got past it, we’ve had no issues since. He told me recently that the problem was that he was so worried about pleasing me that he couldn’t just relax and enjoy it but now that he’s comfortable with me it’s not an issue anymore. Give it time, it’ll more than likely work itself out.

Post # 10
Member
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@crazyquestion:  I think I have heard that people often inadvertently train themselves to be able to orgasm only a certain way, if they have been taking care of themselves without partnered sex for a long time. I recall that there are various effective ways to work on this, but I’m not sure what they are– perhaps you could look for sex therapy books for suggestions?

I imagine once the two of you are in the same place full-time, you’ll figure it out, though. When my SO and I first started having sex (I was a virgin and he had gone without for a few years) it was pretty common for neither of us to orgasm during intercourse. I think condoms had something to do with him not being able to– after a while, we started using an IUD as birth control, so the condoms weren’t necessary anymore, and the not-coming thing went away entirely. Then I had to get rid of that IUD and went a few months before getting a new one, and we used condoms in that time. He, again, was sometimes unable to orgasm from p-in-v sex when wearing a condom.

The itchiness you’re describing after having sex with a condom sounds EXACTLY like what I went through with latex condoms. Condoms actually made me allergic to rubber latex. It sounds like you are also allergic to it. Non-latex (polyisoprene) condoms are pretty common– most drugstores and some supermarkets, and definitely Wal-Mart, carry at least one kind of non-latex condoms. Make sure you get some of those for your next visit with your SO!! They should completely eliminate the itching problem, though do pay attention to what lube you’re using; you might be sensitive to that as well. Try Sliquid Organics lube, or Aloelife Skin Gel (an aloe product that I’ve used as lube for years, since I’m sensitive/allergic to most lubricants). (Those are both Amazon links; here’s Sliquid’s website for more info if you want: www.sliquid.com ).

By the way, have you looked into the copper (hormone-free) IUD for birth control? I like mine. 🙂 Check out the Livejournal community IUD Divas if you’re interested.

Post # 11
Member
3246 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@fingerscrossed:  ah, you beat me to that idea, by a whole day, and I didn’t even see!

Post # 13
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

@crazyquestion:  This sort of happened in the beginning of the relationship with Fiance. We would have sex and I would have to manually stimulate to get him off. It was just a factor a a) just meeting b) hadn’t had a gf in awhile and was used to manual and 3) we needed to better communicate about sex positions and what felt good . This went away with practice!

Post # 14
Member
638 posts
Busy bee

@crazyquestion:  ETA: We practiced every day, every other day and this was resolved in a couple of weeks. When you’re in the vicinity, just get back to practicing more frequently! Sex isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a learned art. I would, personally, wait to have kids until the sex thing is refined. Kids can be a libido killer.

The topic ‘Male climax problems??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors