(Closed) Male friend has feelings, what to do?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you should act like you normally do towards him and don’t say anything untill he personally comes out and tell you himself he likes you. Until than try to be nice to him but not too nice.

Post # 3
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I suggest distancing yourself.  Don’t cut him out of your life, but treat him like an aquaintance, not a friend.  So basically cut out any sort of unnecessary one-on-one interactions such as texts or house visits or hanging out as just the two of you.

If you think you owe it to him, you could talk to him about it.  If not, then just start to distance yourself and see if he takes the hint.

Post # 4
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

Definitely put some space between you two. He may have already accepted that you’re with your Fiance but needed to tell someone about how he feels. Since he hasn’t directly told you I wouldn’t try to bring it up as it may add insult to injury, you know? Just carry on as normal and be friendly but don’t go too far out of your way to hang out or do the one-on-one thing. I have very few guy friends left after getting into a serious relationship but I make a point to only hang out with them in public as it really seems to set a boundary. 

Post # 5
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

-sunshine-:  don’t ruin a great friendship because of this. Pretend you don’t know. It would be FAR more hurtful to bring it up or to distance yourself from him than any potential for stringing him along which, by the way, you are not.

I have liked a guy friend that way and he liked me as a friend – I’m grateful he didn’t drop me when I confessed my feelings. We are still great friends and have both found partners since then.

 

i have also stayed friends with men who confessed to being in love with me and I just liked those couple of men as friends. No they didn’t start stalking me or even act irritated with me – both are happily married now and we are still friends.

 

If you read Jane Austen, Charles Dickens and other literature about society/comedies of manners, this is a very common theme that friends are in unrequited like or love with friends. Think of how long Agnes loved David in David Copperfield. Even if he is feeling some angst about your marriage and confessed to your friend,  he secretly enjoys liking an unavailable woman. Or he wouldn’t. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
3540 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

-sunshine-:  This is the reason i don’t have male friends- they can never JUST BE FRIENDS.  I think you need to distance yourself.  Even if you haven’t led him on, he may be holding out hope.  I think it’s only fair you distance yourself so he can get over you and move on himself.

Post # 7
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

what are the chances your friend is not being honest about this “confession”?  Are you sure they aren’t trying to stir up drama? Maybe THEY like the friend and are jealous of your time spent with him?

Post # 9
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t think you need to distance yourself from him. Has he tried to breach the boundaries of friendship or acted/spoken disrespectfully towards your relationship with your FI? If not, there’s no reason to punish him by distancing yourself. Hanging out with someone as a friend is not stringing them along or teasing them unless they see it as such. Which I doubt this guy does or else he would’ve told your mutual friend that as well. Don’t sell him short. 

Post # 10
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

-sunshine-:  First of all, if he hasnt tried to act inappropriately towards you or done something to make you uncomfortable, I don’t think you need to distance yourself. Just because someone has a crush or feelings doesnt mean that he doesnt realize you’re taken by someone else and that he respects that. Shame on your friend for telling you what he told her in confidence. I would go about your friendship normally. He’ll move on.

Post # 11
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

If I were you I would keep some distance. I think your biggest issue is that you’re visiting him alone. The fact that you’re reaching out to him to have one on one time is probably what’s giving him hope that there’s something there. Although it’s not intentional, you are leading him on by doing this. You can still be friends, but you need to make a point that you only see him as a friend and he just needs to get over it. 

Post # 12
Hostess
3111 posts
Sugar bee

That is tough, and there is no easy answer.  I can only speak for myself and say, I would feel very uncomfortable spending time alone with a man if I knew he had romantic feelings towards me.  It would feel disrespectful to all parties involved, including my Fiance.  

I’m sure you’ll get great guidance from others on this board.  Ultimately, you’ll have to decide what feels right to you.  Good luck.

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee

-sunshine-:  I really think that you should slowly remove this person from your life.  The fact is, he knows that you are engaged, and developed feelings for you anyway.

 

the most  appropriate and kind thing to do would be to just let it be, and walk away from the friendship. 

Post # 14
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

I find it very hard to be just friends with a guy without them getting the wrong idea and end up wnating more.It has never worked with me.Everytime i tried to be just friends with guy,they always end up wanting more.It would be nice to have a guy friend who i can talk to just as friend

The only guy friend i have is gay and i dont have straight male friends so go figure

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