Post # 1
To all the Bees who have given birth: if you could go back in time and change anything in your power about your labor and birth, would you? What would you have done differently?
(I’m thinking mainly about things that you or your care providers could control, as opposed to the involuntary things your body was doing. Obviously everyone wishes they could change how much their labor pains hurt! Or whether/when their labor started spontaneously, whether their baby had a serious complication that required a C-section, etc. But I’m thinking more about things like where you gave birth, who you chose as your provider, what interventions they suggested/offered/imposed and whether you agreed to them, what routines/policies were in effect and whether you acquiesced, what you put in your birth plan and how well it worked or not, who you had there to support you, etc. Maybe also choices that other people made that affected your experience?)
Post # 3
I gave birth almost 3 years ago and will give birth in the next 3 months. If I could change one thing about my last birth is to NOT get the pain medication (something they give you before you get the epidural). It seriously knocked me stupid. I don’t remember a single thing from my first DD’s birth and I regret it. ):
Post # 5
For my first birth: I would have changed ALOT!!! (it’s kind of like the hishe where I had alot of moment that probably could’ve changed the delivery outcome had I just done something different)
- I would’ve changed providers when mine seems “meh” about my concern with common interventions & wanted a natural birth
- I wouldn’t have let them stress me out when I hit 40 weeks & my obgyn told me if I didn’t go into labor over the weeked he’d induce me
- I wouldn’t have let them admit at 2cm just b/c I had been having contractions (inconsistent) for 17 hours…. I was surely in prodromal labor & should’ve gone home & gone to sleep!
- I definitely wouldn’t have let them start pit as soon as I arrived
- I would’ve moved more in labor… instead I let them bug be into caving for pain meds & accepted stadol
- I wouldn’t have let the break my waters “just to help things along”
- I wouldn’t have let the place an internal fetal monitor
- I wouldn’t have let the prep me with an epi “just in case”…..Infact when they stopped the pit, ultimately stopping my labor I should’ve gone home (even with my waters ruptured) and just monitored for signs of infection BECAUSE….
I truly believe that all of these things attributed to me “needing” an emergency cesarean.
For my second birth: I did ALOT of things different…. 1st being finding a provider than believed in birth & planned an hbac. I did have to transfer though (to my vbac ban hospital) and got my vbac by the skin of my teeth (literally). You can read my story here. There are still things I would’ve done & will be doing differently this next time though.
- I would’ve had Darling Husband, my MW, my mom, or the MW assistant be more on top of pushing fluids! I did horrible at staying hydrated & feel that my tachycardia issues (ultimately why we transferred) were largerly attributed to such (this is something that I’m JUST coming to realize after talking to my MW about it)
- I would have limited cervical checks…. I got check at 7cm really feeling like I should’ve been atleast 8 & got REALLY discouraged!
- I would’ve been sure to really be on the same page with Darling Husband that if/when I hit the wall of giving up that I needed him to take the lead & reassure me that I COULD do it, I WOULD do it, and not just that he “loved me”.
This time my MW (who was actually the assistant MW that came to my last birth) is my primary hcp & she doesn’t do checks in labor AND since she knows me better now (last time we had just met & she was really there assisted my MW rather than assisting me) she says she’s one for pushing solids & really encouraging her moms when they hit that wall…. I feel very confident this time that I have a good support system & that this birth will go much more smoothly & I”ll get to stay the heck out of the hospital (we had a horrendous stay concerning my Dirty Delete & our care).
Post # 6
I would have refused the IV fluids since I didn’t end up getting an epidural. Other than that, I feel like my labor and delivery went quite well.
The rest of my hospital stay was another matter…
Post # 7
Next time (if there is one) I will not have visitors at the hospital. Everyone can wait until we get settled at home to meet the new baby.
After my son was born we had family in my hospital room almost the whole time, and it was so overwhelming being sleep deprived after a long labor, trying to get the hang of Boyfriend or Best Friend, etc. I just wanted some time with just the 3 of us but didn’t feel right kicking people out after they drove many hours to meet my son.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t have gone into labor early and would have gone full term.
Post # 10
hmm well I was induced, labored for 20hrs and stopped progressing so gad a Csection. If there were a way to know I wouldnt progress past 7cm, I would just have the csection without laboring so long, but I was glad I got the opportunity to try for a vaginal birth.
Post # 11
I would have had a home birth instead of the hospital and no drugs…Because I went to the hospital I was given a pretty strong painkiller, I felt like I was completly out of it! I also would have had a babyshower (after the baby was born, we don’t do showers before the birth here in Holland) and invited everybody at once at the shower instead of having people over constantly for like three weeks. Also I kinda regret not breastfeeding mainly because I had absolutly no guidance on that part so I just went with the bottle straight away.
Post # 12
I just wanted to come back & add:
With my first birth:
I was in labor a total of 31 hours, dilating to 8 cm (17 hours at home making no progress, was 2 cm pre-labor) and then progressed from 2-8cm the following 17 hours.
My second birth:
I was in labor for a total of 45 hours. 37 hours going from closed to 4 cm & then another 8 hours (including 6 minutes of pushing) to go from 4cm to baby.
I’m at the place now that I would never plan a hospital birth for a low-risk pregnancy… even if I transfer I know that my quality of care is better & that I actually need intervention, much different than my hospital experience.
Post # 13
Posting to follow this thread.
Post # 14
@runsyellowlites: Thanks for the tip on what to have your Darling Husband say to coach you through hitting a wall! I hadn’t thought about that yet, but I can see how that will be *really* important at a crucial time!
Post # 15
I definitely would limit family from visiting the hospital so that they don’t come until much later in the day (of the birth) or possibly not even until the day AFTER the baby is born. You need time to bond ALONE as a new family, and the last thing you need is someone’s camera in your face when you are feeling like garbage.
I had a long and hard labor (37 hours long, large baby, spinal headache from the epidural, literally only slept 3 hrs in the last 72 hrs) And was too exhausted to speak up when my Mother-In-Law came in the recovery room. We had JUST been given back our baby and this was the first time we could hold her and bond with her. I had just started trying to breastfeed her as my MIl walked in. DH’s 1st time holding his daughter was when he took her from me to hand to his mom. I still can’t shake my anger & bitterness from her awful timing (even though I know she was just really excited about the baby) and this happened 2.5 months ago. Just please remember that this is a special time for you & Darling Husband and its not about anyone else – you need to protect that precious initial bonding time as a new family.
Post # 16
@KCKnd2: Really. When Darling Husband & I talked about it afterward his response was “Well I wasn’t the one in labor” which I think is natural for guys to default too when we mommas hit a wall… he got very sweet telling me he loved me so much & I was doing great, but really I needed some re-perspective to get back in the game! lol