Post # 16
Dude my mom is the exaaaact same way.
Their wedding was at their house and she made all the food herself and made her dress, etc. so when I mention anything about my wedding she tells me it’s a huge waste of money and I’m a spoiled brat. Basically at this point she doesn’t want anything to do with my wedding.
It’s also weird because she refuses to help pay and says she’d rather give us money for a house (great! I’ll take it!) but my dad says he IS helping pay for my wedding (we’re paying for the damn wedding, or at least most of it. You know that right? Of course we’re paying for it!) all the time. Which is super kind, and also a lot of fun to bond with my dad over girly shit 😂. But I’ve just said “lol ok” to both of them and have decided to pay for the whole thing myself (my fiancé wants to elope so he’ll be contributing only to necessary aspects of the wedding, not the extra shit that I just *have to have*).
If my dad decides to help me, great. If not, also great. If my mom ever calms the eff down and wants to share my wedding joy with me, I WOULD LOVE THAT. But at this point, I’ve spent way too much time crying over it and the other hurtful things she has said to me. I’m not going to let her ruin this too just because she has a different idea of weddings than I do.
There’s way more emotional baggage to my story, clearly. But I just wanted to give you a little internet hug and say, “I feel you”. I truly hate hearing about unsupportive mamas. It breaks my heart.
Post # 17
I know you said your family’s contribution was “only $6000” but this is still a good chunk of change. I know half has been reserved for your dress, but is it possible to compromise and put the other half towards a house deposit?
Post # 18
You’re in a ton of debt, but you decided to kick off wedding planning with an engagement shoot that requires a stylist, a professional make-up artist, a professional photographer, and animal wranglers. Maybe try to see it from her point of view, wanting you and you FI to spend less on one day and focus more on your future?
Regardless, don’t count on her to come through with the money she’s promised. Plan a contingency of what you can cut first, if/when that comes to pass.
Post # 19
sorry in advance for how this is going to come across…. but I’m siding with your mom on this one. If you’ve moved home to pay off debt you’re living off of your parents AND they’re already giving you 10K to use in whatever way you want. that sounds generous to me. An additional 16 K from your fi’s parents? – again, very generous. Most of your wedding is financed by other people so I think if they have genuine feelings surrounding it, then they’re entitled to them.
if you still have debt to pay off?? then get rid of that before you spend a whole lot of money on a one day party. I know that weddings are expensive but if I was your mom, I’d be feeling similarly.
My dh and I paid for our entire wedding ourself. Not one dime came from someone else. I’m sure our wedding was not as nice/lavish as many others’ out there…. but we didn’t start our married life out in debt, either.
Post # 20
I’m a mom, and I’ll tell you, your mom feels like she’s been played. She offered to support you with free or reduced rent and even contributed to your wedding only to find you are using that support to finance a wedding she can’t afford. The only way she is going to feel better is if you can show her you are financially stable. Move out. Pay her back her $6K and whatever market rent would be for the time you lived at home. If you can’t do that you need to at least respect her views.