Post # 1
I am the kind of person that doesn’t usually tolerate dramatic people in my life. I just don’t have the energy for people who create trouble.
As a result, I’m ill prepared for the drama FI’s buddies are a part of. Long story short, two of the guys Fiance is close to ended(ish) relationships this past year. Guy A dumped girlfriend, Guy B is getting a divorce. It gets complicated because Guy B’s soon to be ex-wife is Guy A’s sister, and Guy A is still sleeping with his ex-girlfriend and they all hang out at the bar where she tends several times a week. Basically, both women are still very much in our lives, and I’ve always been totally friendly with them. Fiance likes them very much as well.
Guy A is a groomsman and put his foot down about his ex coming unless he brings her. But excluding her is weird. Same with the ex-wife. They are good enough friends that if everyone were cool, I would invite them to the bachelorette, for example.
Is there a nice way to let the girls know I would love to have them there, but the boys are being drama-queens about it? I seriously hate this, we’re all in our late 20s and 30s. Ugh. Thoughts?
Post # 3
This really stinks! I feel your pain, as I tend to purge dramatic people also. What if your fiance spoke to his two groomsmen about the issue – in a heartfelt but not cheesy or dramatic way – and let them work it out. If the two women aren’t as dramatic as the boys, they may be able to work it out amongst themselves. Here’s hoping!!
Post # 4
lol, and they said that women are drama. If the breakups are sort of amicable, I really would put my foot down and ask the guys to “get over it”. If the breakups are due to infidelity on either side, then the wronged party should NOT be excluded from the wedding. Just my take. Is there any compromise? such as maybe allow the girls to assist in reading or decorations, but not in the wedding party itself? This way, you have every excuse to invite them for the bachelorette or bridal shower party
Post # 5
These guys have no right to try to dictate your guest list. Especially guy A saying that you can’t invite her unless she’s his date?! He “put his foot down”? Where does he get off?! If these women are your friends then invite them as your guests, and the men can grow up and deal with it. They don’t get to veto your guests. I would be a little more sympathetic about the divorce situation because it sounds like that’s an understandable discomfort and he’s not being ridiculous about it. But the fact that guy A is still sleeping with her kind of means that he has no right to say that he’s uncomfortable being around her.
Post # 6
I’m wioth greenleaf. It’s YOUR wedding and you get to invite who you want. Since it seems as though everyone is on relatively good terms and none of the breakups were for hideous reasons (like infidelity) they guys can suck it up for an evening.
Post # 7
I know, WTH, drama! It all seems so ridiculous to me. loveapril, I like your suggestion, but unfortunately we are having a weekend out of town wedding, so if you’re there, you’re there. That would be a good solution. I may still invite them to the bachelorette even if they don’t come, as long as we are on the same page and I can figure out something that doesn’t hurt them.
*sigh* maybe Fiance can talk some sense into them.
Post # 8
I think you should be able to invite the two women as well. Also, as you stated, I think you should talk to girls about the issues these two guys brought up.
Have you considered suggesting that the two women talk to their ex’s about the situation to possibly work something out where they can tolerate seeing each other at the wedding? Of course, they may not be ready for that type of confrontation.
I hope this all works out for you and that the guys (more specifically, Guy A) can put their issues aside so you and your Fiance can have the people you love at your wedding.
Post # 9
There is something about adults acting like children that really gets to me.
Anyhow, if you just invited who you wanted to invite (these two women AND the guys), would the drama really escalate? Or would it possibly die down? I mean, if they’re all still hanging out together at a bar, it can’t be THAT vitriolic, right?
Post # 10
Here is the bad part, it isn’t so much that they can’t be in the same room, but that the guys feel as if they won’t have as much fun if the ladies are there. It is mostly Guy A, because he is in the middle of his sister and best friend’s divorce, AND would have the sorta-ex there.
Thanks for the advice, I think I’ll ask Fiance to intercede first.