Post # 1
My SO and I are not engaged yet… he’s very happy getting me as many rings as I want (and sparkly, as long as they’re in his budget). BUT, we just had a major fight a couple nights ago about this issue… I come from another country, I’m very traditional. In my family my dad ALWAYS wears his ring, to bed, to shower, everywhere. It’s a symbol of love and commitment. I have NEVER seen a married man at least where I come from not wearing a wedding ring.
However, my SO says he’s never worn rings and he doesn’t like wearing them and that he might not feel comfortable having one on his fingers. I told him it’s a huge deal to me and that we can search high and low and pay as much as it takes to find him one that’s comfortable to him. He said he would try really hard, but he might still not be comfortable with it, and wants me to respect his decision.
I really want to respect him, but to me his not wearing a wedding ring is almost like disrespecting our marriage! I’m looking to you bees for some advice on whether you know people who don’t wear their wedding rings, whether this is a big deal or not… and just what you think of this situation in general. He is so sweet and is obviously going to try, I know he’s not into jewelry (my dad isn’t either), but a wedding ring… does that even count?
Post # 3
Maybe he could try a thinner band? I always feel like this is a tough situation.
Post # 4
I think he should make an effort to try to wear it, since it is a symbol of the love two people share, but i don’t think you need to worry about it before you are engaged.
Post # 5
It was very important to me that my fiance wore a wedding ring after marriage. It really meant a lot to me and I told him that very early on.
While he didn’t disagree, and even wears an engagement ring, I thought it was important to bring it up early on.
I’m personally of the opinion that a man should want to wear a wedding ring if he’s proud of being married. Admittedly wearing one won’t stop a man cheating, but having one on his finger is a major deterrent to other women. Is that awful?
Post # 6
I’m not worried about him cheating. I know he won’t. It’s really silly, I guess… it shouldn’t be a big deal. But maybe I’m just too insecure, and want him to wear a ring just knowing that it is a symbol of our marriage. That’s all to me. And yes, we will try our best to find him a very comfortable ring and he is committed to trying really hard to wear it as much as he can. I guess he grew up in a family where that wasn’t a big deal, so he puts comfort ahead of the ring. I put the ring ahead of any kind of comfort, to me marriage is the biggest commitment ever and your ring is what makes it public… but he says it’s just a piece of metal 🙁
He does understand where I’m coming from, I think it’s just hard for us to reach a compromise. And we’re almost engaged. We would be engaged if it wasn’t that we’re waiting for him to propose.
Post # 7
On the one hand, I think that someone who’s never really TRIED wearing a ring probably can’t appreciate how quickly you can get used to a properly fitted comfort band. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who don’t make a big deal out of wearing their wedding rings (both men and women). Personally, I wouldn’t be very upset if he gave a good solid try and still decided he didn’t like it.
Post # 8
@squeak: I agree with you. I don’t understand why a man would not wear his wedding ring. I am a little sad because my Fiance may not be able to wear his to work, there is a good chance he may lose it with the job he does. And, that really bums me out. But, he is super excited for a ring and he picked it out and tells me all the time he wants to wear his now and not wait till the wedding.
Does your Fiance have a job that may cause a risk for losing his ring or injuring himself because of it?
ETA: I may get him a super cheap ring for work so I won’t cry my eyes out if his gets lost or destroyed.
Post # 9
I can understand where he’s coming from.
But. He might change his mind if he picks one for comfort and tries it out. Shopping might help. That might be your compromise – ask him to try it for a month or so after the wedding. If he’s still not into it, then fine. He tried.
I can also understand where the OP is coming from, but at the end of the day, it’s just a symbol, and OP already said there’s no question of trust.
Post # 10
Honestly, no offense but I think that’s crazy. To me there really isn’t an option. If you get married you wear a wedding ring. Period. I know there are more people that are much more liberal these days and think that not wearing one is ok but to me your denying your marriage. My Fiance has never worn a ring in his life but he will when he gets married because it’s the symbol of marriage.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
My Fiance had similar concerns, but in the end, he decided to get a pretty heavy ring and he loves it. I’ve found him sneaking to put it on. haha Also, his alternative was to get a wedding band tattoo on his finger. He has no tattoos, but with his profession, it’ll be difficult for him to always wear his ring, so a tattoo would be easier. (nothing crazy… no names, just a band). Just a thought.
Post # 12
I think that the only reason he should try to wear one is because it obviously means so much to you.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with him not wanting to wear one. They don’t always deter other women from flirting, it doesn’t mean he’s not proud of his marriage, many men don’t wear them in certain cultures and even just specific people don’t wear them (à la Prince William), people can’t wear them at work, etc.
But if it’s super important to you, that’s the only reason he should try.
Post # 13
My husband hardly ever wears his wedding band, and I am totally ok with that. He is a mechanic and can’t wear a ring to work, and its silly for him to come home and put it on. I mean, when we go out places, if he remembers he wears it, or when we go on vacation he does, but honestly he doesn’t wear it way more than he does. Does that bother me? Not one bit. He’s not any less married if he doesn’t wear the ring. Saying that its disrespectful or denying your marriage is ridiculous, imo.
My dad also didn’t wear a wedding band for 25 years of my parents marriage, because he threw it away at work by accident, and they just never got another one until a few years ago. He still only wears it on his days off, because he can’t wear it at work either.
Post # 14
@MademoiselleL: I agree. I mean, some women are more apt to hit on a man wearing a wedding ring than one who isn’t, just for the thrill. As long as you trust your husband, a piece of jewelry makes no difference
Post # 15
@MademoiselleL: I agree, and that’s why he said he is really going to try his hardest.
I feel the same way! When he first told me he might not want to wear his often, I was like “what? I’m sorry, that’s not an option. You’re married, you wear a ring. All the time, especially in public. End of story” but then he started telling me that he doesn’t want me to force him to wear one if he’s not comfortable wearing it.
No, he doesn’t work in a job where he can’t wear his ring. Not at all. He does sweat a lot at his job though, so that might be something to look into.
He told me he used to wear his college ring but then stopped because it was really uncomfortable. I think that there is a HUGE difference between that bulky heavy ring and the wedding band.
I agree. I think he just doesn’t know what it will feel like, and is worrying too much. He also knows his dad doesn’t like wearing it, so he thinks it’ll be the same with him.
In the end I trust that he will try really hard to wear it, I will try really hard to just be understanding and cut him some slack so that he doesn’t feel pushed and suffocated, and he’s probably going to end up loving it. We’re going to get engraved rings, so that he wears something more than “a piece of metal” that means something to him as well. I hope this will work.
When he first told me he might not like wearing it, I was shocked. I was like “You get used to it. It’s just a simple band. After a while you’ll feel naked taking it off”
Post # 16
@MrsSl82be: I understand where you’re coming from and what you mean. But, in my culture and in my family, thinking those things is not ridiculous. On the contrary, my parents would think that him not wearing a wedding band would be ridiculous. I’d be in for some serious lectures and questions at that point. So, in my culture it’s really very different…