Post # 47
@janie-janie: I agree. I think it’s silly that some people actually say they wouldn’t marry the love of their life over a piece of metal. LoL. I don’t get it… at all. Fiance actually can’t wait to wear his ring and I think it’s hilarious. I’m glad that he’s looking forward to it, but if he didn’t like rings, it wouldn’t be a big deal for me. We’d probably still have one for the ceremony, but after that, I wouldn’t force him to wear it.
In the OP’s case.. I do think that he should at least try it out for a while since it’s so important to her.. but if he really, really doesn’t like it, even after like a month or two, I wouldn’t push him about wearing one. No one wants to be uncomfortable every day for the rest of their life.
Post # 48
Thanks, guys! I’m from Romania, a country in Eastern Europe. Culturally we’re halfway between Italy, Greece, and Russia, but closer to the first two. Although it seems that around here, rings matter a lot as well.
Some of you guys have captured how I feel very well. I’d feel that he’s not proud enough of our marriage to display his commitment to me publicly every time. It’s just a matter of symbolism. And I don’t see him getting a tattoo, but if he really hates that initial month or two, I’ll ask him 😉
Yeah, I think we’ll do that. Try for a month or two and see how it goes, make sure we get him a band that he will be proud wearing (has some meaning to him, engraved with something he likes) and that is comfortable. I think his dad started not wearing his ring because of his hands-on job. He probably just forgot to wear it the rest of the time and didn’t want to constantly have to take it off. But my SO is in a different situation, and I’m not even sure he understands that this is why his dad didn’t wear his.
I haven’t brought it up since that night with the conversation. I really want to give him some time to cool off, so I won’t bring it up again for a long time. Chances are, he’ll bring it up himself when he’s ready and after he’s made up his mind about the compromise. Then we can both be more open with each other and communicate better.
Thank you so much for all your input! I loved reading all of your different experiences and opinions, from it being a dealbreaker to it not mattering. And, I guess maybe I care just a bit too much about what others would say about me letting my husband be ringless as well… this is helping me understand that I am not alone in how I feel, and that I can try to be more relaxed about this situation knowing that it’s common for men to not wear rings and it doesn’t mean anything bad for our marriage.
Post # 49
letting it be a deal breaker? I find that so hard to believe. so if your fiance said he refuses to wear a wedding band, you would actually call off the wedding? I’d like to see that.
Post # 50
@Beluga: Exactly. I just don’t care if DH wears one or not, and he doesn’t like to wear one because he doesn’t like wearing rings. I am completely secure with that, sexxxy sluts be damned!
Post # 51
I hardly ever wear my engagement ring, especially in the summer, and I probably won’t wear my wedding ring that often either. I would be pretty upset if my partner got really mad at me for that. I don’t really care for rings.
Honestly, I’d try to get past this if I were you. It probably has nothing to do with disrespecting your marriage, and more to do with not liking rings.
ETA: On reading the other replies, I changed my stance slightly : since it is so important to you (and I totally get why – my partner is Romanian and I think his mother would flip if his dad didn’t wear his, although my partner is fine with me not wearing mine), he should at least try it. If he really doesn’t like it though, I hope you are able to accept that.
Post # 53
If it makes you feel better, it’s actually more traditional in many western countries for the man not to wear a wedding ring. The double ring ceremony, where both the bride and groom got a ring, became popular during WWII and has been popular ever since, much to the joy of the jewelry industry. Nevertheless many traditionalists do not follow this new custom. Prince William doesn’t wear a wedding band, for instance.
I don’t think it is important whether a man wears his ring or not (or whether either partner wears a ring) but I am glad Fiance wants to wear one because that way we don’t have to deal with any snide remarks.
Post # 54
My guy has some quirky sensory things – turns socks inside out, can’t have anything with tags, will never wear a watch, can’t have his shirt collars tight etc – so needless to say he will not be wearing a ring, and I don’t expect him to. He said he wants to have one – for the ceremony and as a keepsake, but not for wearing every day.
Not a big deal to me, because my dad is a mechanic and only wore his on dressy occasions. I don’t think its “denying” your marriage – I think thats ridiculous, its a piece of jewelry. But at the same time, if its important to YOU (who cares what anyone else thinks), he should at least give it a try or perhaps find a compromise – like he wears it when you guys go out but not to work.
Post # 56
My fiance isn’t getting a wedding band and I’m totally okay with that. I was actually surprised at how many people DID have a problem when they heard he wasn’t getting one!! I know many people feel that it’s important because it’s a symbol of love, your vows, etc but in my opinion, he doesn’t need a ring as a “reminder” of his love or his commitment to me. I also don’t think he needs a ring to show other people his love and commitment to me. He shows it when we are together by the way he treats me and the way he is affectionate. So, to me, a piece of jewelry just is not important.
Someone may have mentioned this already but did you know Prince William is not wearing a wedding ring?
However, if it is in your culture and it’s that important to you, I think he should be a bit more open minded.
Post # 57
Fiance doesn’t like jewelery. Way before we got engaged he said he’d dislike wearing a ring and I understand that, I fell inloved with that guy who doesn’t like jewelry. So now we decided not to have wedding bands. What’s the point of him having one he’ll never wear and me having one if he doesn’t have one? It makes sense to us and that’s what matter.
Post # 58
I keep thinking about the huge percent of people that picked #1. Since I can’t imagine having the wedding ring convo before Fiance & I got engaged (although the PP that mentioned tattoos – that’s a cool compromise – did), I pose the following question…
If, all other things equal, your Fiance decided that he was just not able to wear the WR (explicitly because he doesn’t like the feel of jewelry on his hands) – would you walk?
Post # 59
Chances are I wouldn’t marry a guy who wouldn’t wear the ring. Not because I would say “If you don’t wear the ring, you can’t marry me”” but more in the sense that I wouldn’t marry the kind of guy who wouldn’t want to. I just don’t see how you can be dedicated to someone and expect them to wear a ring but refuse to wear one yourself. To me it’s more than just “staking claim” on a guy. It is his way of showing off to the world that he found the love of his life. It would seriously bother me if he didn’t. Now, I say all that having never dealt with the issue. Mr. Hedgie couldn’t wait to get that ring on his finger. I may have a different view if situations were different/
Post # 60
Wellll, I love that DH (yes, he’s my DH now!) wears his ring. He even wanted a cheapie to wear to work so he wouldn’t mess up his “good ring”. I told him he didn’t have to wear one to work if he didn’t want to, I would totaly understand. But he wants it, and I’m not gonna lie, it makes me feel good.
I like seeing that ring on his finger as much as I like seeing my rings on my own. It means something to the both of us, a symbol of how far we’ve come and how much farther we’ll go.
It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker if he didn’t wear one… we’d been together for almost 6 years without him wearing one, but…. to me it is important. Why have one at all if he doesn’t ever wear it? Why use it symbolically in the wedding for that matter?
Post # 61
@Mrs Hedgehog: That’s a good point, I didn’t think of the competing expectations. TBH, I’m pretty sure Fiance only bought the e-ring because he knew I wanted one..