(Closed) Man not wearing a wedding ring

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How important is it that the man wears a wedding band while in public?

    I would not get married to a man who did not wear his ring

    I would let him not wear it when he's out with his friends...but he HAS to wear it with strangers

    If he really doesn't like wearing it... he's free not to, but I'd rather he did

    I don't care at all of my man wears a band or not

  • Post # 62
    Member
    1563 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I understand why this would bother you. My father doesn’t wear his wedding ring and it has always bothered me. DH never takes his off, though.

    Post # 63
    Member
    1007 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Mrs Hedgehog: But.. what if the guy didn’t ‘expect’ you to wear one either?  What if this person just genuinely wasn’t into jewelry or materialistic symbols at all?

    Post # 64
    Member
    859 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @Mrs Hedgehog: I understand how some people feel that way, for some prople the wedding ring it’s their marriage symbol and it’s extremely important. However I understand how he doesn’t like jewelery and it’ll bother him a lot to have something in his finger. It’s just not that important to me, so what’s the point?

    Post # 65
    Member
    140 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My Fiance has never worn jewelery in his life, but ever since we got our rings he’s been begging me to let him wear it now, before the wedding! It’s really hard to say no – especially since he’s away to tour Europe with his band right now, haha – but he’s relented to the rings staying with the Maid/Matron of Honor & best man until the big day! I wanted to get him an engagement ring but he told me to save my money so we never got around to it, didn’t seem to be a big deal – after seeing how he is about his wedding ring, I wish I had!

    Your Fiance might be surprised, he might actually like wearing it! I don’t think mine had any idea he’d love wearing it so much. And I think a big part of loving it, is loving what it symbolizes – our marriage!

    I just can’t wrap my head around guys who choose not to wear rings. Call me old school, but it just strikes me as untrustworthy and disrespectful. All the men in my life growing up wore theirs, so that’s probably part of it.

     

    Post # 67
    Member
    134 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    My husband didn’t want to wear a ring initially because he’s not a jewelry guy and a lot of the guys in his family don’t wear them.  I told him how I felt about it, and we got him a ring.  Post-marriage, the store had to order a new ring because it couldn’t be resized, and he has referenced wanting it back from the store multiple times.  I think there are legitimate reasons for some people to not wear rings; for instance, my dad works with a equipment a lot and after his ring got caught in some equipment and nearly pulled his finger off, he stopped wearing it.  However, a copy machine is about the most “dangerous” equipment my husband uses, so he couldn’t justify it.  🙂 

    If you decided to go with the ring, definitely look into comfort fit rings.  They are easier to adjust to for guys that aren’t used to jewelry. 

    Post # 68
    Member
    1525 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @squeak: I think that’s a really great perspective, it’s awesome that you’re trying to see it from his POV, hopefully he’s doing the same.

    And like PP’s have said, he might get used to it and wear it more. 🙂

    Post # 69
    Member
    210 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m so baffled by the number of people who seem to be seriously suggesting that they wouldn’t get married to someone they loved because of his willingness to wear a ring.  

    My husband doesn’t wear a ring, nor did my father.  My parents have been married for 35 years, very happily.  My dad just doesn’t like the way a ring feels.  It has nothing to do with how much he values the marriage, or my mother.  

    If the positions were reversed, and I were a man whose fiancee was pressuring him to wear a ring that I found uncomfortable, I’d be pretty angry that my partner couldn’t trust me to act married, and respect our relationship, without a piece of metal.

    I get that it’s a symbol.  But symbols have value only insofar as we (individual people, shaped by the culture we grow up in) place value on them.  If your fiance doesn’t value that particular symbol, it’s not a statement about his respect for your relationship.  If you actually think he doesn’t respect the relationship, your problem is not the ring.

    Post # 70
    Member
    4590 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @historienne: agreed. That piece of jewelry on your finger won’t stop you from acting single, just as much as not wearing the ring won’t stop you from acting married. I actually can’t even wear my wedding set anymore – it doesn’t fit!! I got a stand in ring, and I sometimes dont’ even remember to put it on when I’m going out. Doesn’t bother either of us if the other doesn’t wear their ring – but I find it funny that if any of our friends see me not wearing that ring, they immediately think there is trouble…blows their minds that I just forgot to put it on! I could never wear a ring 24/7 anyway…I have always taken rings off to sleep, shower, clean, etc

    Post # 71
    Member
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    My Fiance specifically told me that he “WOULD NOT” ever wear a wedding ring because he hates jewelry. I’ll admit that it is a little disappointing, but it has been a growing trend for men to not wear them now. So I try not to worry about it, because it just means that more money can be spent on my wedding band (lol).

    Post # 73
    Member
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    as a PP said, a ring for a man is a relatively recent thing, probably pushed pretty hard by the jewelry industry. just like how diamonds were not the engagement standard before the 20th century. 

    I’m sorry but we need to really take a step back and listen to the reasons why a guy does not want to wear it. are his reasons not valid?  are you really going to be so nagging aobut it? what’s going to happen when you face an actual issue? pick your battles.

    several PPs have said “it’s not fair, if I have to wear a ring, then so does he.” give me a break. I’m sure most of you bought your ring because you were excited about having one. if the tables were turned and you did not want to wear a ring, I seriously doubt your SO would raise a fuss and force you wear one (unless he was totally insecure). and if he did try to force you to wear one, you would be here complaining about it on the bee.

    give the guys a break, jeez.

    Post # 74
    Member
    4590 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @squeak: yeah, I have issues with swelling in my fingers when I sleep, plus my ring sits high, so its painful to sleep in it, and there are all kinds of nooks and crannies (filigree on the sides) that soap and stuff from showering could get into. But, I know that I am in the minority.

    I am glad that you can see his side more, and I hope that you guys can come to an agreement. I’m glad you posted, because now we can see it from someone elses point of view as well.

    Post # 75
    Member
    7321 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I don’t care one bit. We’re married and in love and have a beautiful daughter. I’m going to give him problems because he doesn’t wear a ring? He works with his hands and not only is it uncomfortable it’s not safe.

    I wanted a ring to wear for something nice to look at. My parents have been married for over 30 years, I have never seen my father wear a ring.

    I can’t believe some people seriously WOULDN’T marry someone over this! Really?

    Post # 76
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @squeak: My Fiance said the same thing- he didn’t like the way a ring felt or looked on a man.  I bought a very inexpensive, thin band for him and asked that he at least try wearing it for 30 days to see if he could get used to it.  It’s not about cheating or looking single to me, but I think that if something is important to one person (which a ring on his finger is to me) then the other person should AT LEAST try it!  We’re not married yet so I’ll have to let you know how the 30 trial run goes:)

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