- 4 years ago
This is a somewhat serious but also lighthearted post in relation to my Darling Husband. I love many things about him and cant get enough of him in alot of ways. He is an amazing provider, beyond amazing actually – never out of work, can making money in a flash (especially those times when we have needed it) and works extremely hard in his job. He is fun, driven and easily motivated. He can be amazing at grounding me and brings never ending excitement into my life. We could drive for days and not have one argument, for the most we are content with one another. We band well together in the scheme of things, BUT…
He is terribly unreliable with any responsabilities outside of work or in areas of life where he cant be bothered, doesnt care or whatever. This drives me insane, beyond insane and I am at my whits end. I have tried everything within my ability to help with this and it doesnt work. So now I am just resentful at times because I am constantly reminded about how unreliable and irresponsable he can be in life! This is next to all the amazing things he does that I try reflect upon to let it go! He forgets about everything… unless its something for him, like remembering to make sure he has money to buy his fav drink, buying smokes etc
So its easier for me to dribble out… some examples:
He forgets to pay bills or things that need to be financially covered. I constantly have to remind him if a payment is coming out and to make sure the funds are transferred into the correct account. That we owe cash to something or have been invoiced for bills due to be paid. This is the worst for me since I deal with our financials due to this and it can be tiring. I take on all the responsability and stress related to money and debt and it sucks! I have tried to have him sit in and take responsability for small things but it makes no difference. He will pay it incorrectly, designate the incorrect amount or forget. I have left his car insurance in his hands (since its for his car) and ever since he bought it he has never paid insurance on time. He forgets. So we get letters in a the mail and I am forever reminding him, its his car. This will be the fourth time a payment hasnt been available for debt and it sh*ts me. There are other bills he does this with and its just so stressful.
He will leave everything out on the bench and not clean up as he goes. He eats or whatever then obviously doesnt go back to the kitchen again or if he does, doesnt see whats left out? This makes no sense to me, none at all! Without fail I will get up and the milk is out or something that needed to go in the fridge… not so huge but a seriously annoying thing for me personally cleaning up after him. I have asked, reminded and helped him about this constantly. It never changes and he wont take responsability for food or milk and other perishables when they go off… it happens alot. But he is happy to complain about how much we pay in necessities, milk, bread etc
He will request I make him extra food for lunch etc and he wont ever eat it, he either takes it and doesnt eat it, leaves it in his lunch pack until he wants to use it again (Errrkk) or he will put it back in the fridge where he wont touch the food again until I chuck it weeks late. I have accidentally used off butter and cheese because he has obves left it in his back and descretely put it in the fridge where I have used it unknowing. WTF. I have said dont do this, I have also given him a space in the fridge for his own things and I have asked him not to take food he wont eat as its a waste. How can he forget that he shares a fridge with another person, if its not fit for him to eat its not fit for me to eat :/
He will forget things we have agreed to or spoken about, no matter whether its important or unimportant. This hurts more than anything. I will refer to something lighthearted, like a car we were talking about or an ad on tv etc and he wont remember. I speak about the 6th time about a bill I have asked to be paid and he will also forget. He will say he will do it and doesnt.
He will forget where he has put things. Will constantly ask where to find stuff, when everything has a place in the house. It always goes there so he doesnt need to ask where to find things.
There are likely a multitude of other things but I cant come up with them now. I guess why I am posting, I just need some support. What can I do to let these things go since its his problem? I just dont want concequences from his actions affecting me at the end of the day. Bills not being paid, means I have to make sure they are paid etc.
He will lie and say hes done something or is about to do something to appease me and then it comes out later it wasnt said, done or actioned. When I ask why not he will say he forgot!
Do any of you deal with this? He is in his early 30s so there is no reason for this behaviour. I dont know if he is just deep down immature and childish or if this is something else. I just want it to stop. Bees??? I dont want to be a nagging bitch but the behaviour is pathetic. I am in my early 20s and deal with all the big responsabilities alone! I can hardly rely on him with any responsabilities that dont involve work. Even if its a personal responsability for himself that doesnt affect me he is likely to forget so its not personal to me specifically.
If I say I will do something, I do it. If I forget, I make sure in future I do not forget. It seems simple to me! Am I missing something?
- This topic was modified 4 years ago by flutterbiikisses.