- 6 months ago
- Wedding: May 2017
I considered going anon for this, but eh, what the heck. I recently combined accounts with my man 2 weeks ago. We’ve been together for 5 years this fall, and up until then we’ve had separate bank accounts. I still have my bank account too and haven’t moved what I have in there over to his yet but I have switched my pay checks to go into our joint account. I have always paid the bills and we have separate credit cards. I’m a spender, he’s the saver. He’s always been way more frugal about money than I, checking his bank app multiple times a day, etc. For the record, I make more than him, but combined we make a very comfortable living. We have no kids.
Since combining finances, it’s been a struggle. We recently bought a house and we have created a budget. We know how much our bills cost and how much we have leftover to spend after we place some into savings.
I recently spent some cash on under eye fillers and Botox. I’ve wanted it for awhile, but waited until after the house was final before spending the $800 for it all. When he found out, he got extremely upset. He states “I don’t need it” and “he couldn’t believe I would spend that kind of money on that”. Now, it’s very sweet that he thinks I don’t need it, but I want. I do these things for me, so I feel beautiful. He then stated, “you can’t just go out and spend this money all the time on that stuff, it’s not going to happen”.
Ive never told him what he can and can’t spend money on. I’ve never made a single peep when he spends hundreds on parts for his Harley, or snowmobile. We may spend our money on different things, but I don’t see how his is justifiable but mine isn’t. I did talk to him about the comment and said I would never been told how to spend money. I freaked out when he said it because I know money is the main reason for arguements and what not. My parents divorced because of it. He claims he “didn’t mean it” and later took it back but so far his actions haven’t changed.
A few times since then he has texted me asking me about charges from our checking. I had to sign up for my Advanced Cardiac Life Support recertification for work and it’s $175, which I get reimbursed through work after passing. He texted me asking about it and I told him it was for work.
Another night he came home and ask how I spent my day…I told him about my day and mentioned I went tanning…and he said “yeah I know, I saw”.
I went for my 2 week filler and Botox follow up and ended getting a few more units. I put it on my card so he wouldn’t see it because I didn’t feel like putting up with his comments.
I’m looking for some advice Bees. Will he acclimate to sharing an account after awhile? I feel tempted to just switch my paychecks back to my account and be separate as this doesn’t seem to be working very well. How do you all manage finances with your fiancé or husband or whoever? I’m trying to figure out what’s going to be best for us. I appreciate his being frugal as I am not and it’s probably a good thing…but this has been too much for me.