- 3 years ago
My mother can be very difficult, and when my sister got married she created a lot of drama to ensure she got what she wanted.
An example is my mother insisted on being part of the wedding procession, she wanted everyone to be seated then the music to start and her to be the first to walk down the aisle, ahead of the bridesmaids and my sister and dad. My sister tried to explain this is not what she wanted but my mum made such a fuss (crying, screaming, the whole deal), my mother eventually got her way.
I have much less patience towards my mother than my sister does and have no intention of letting her behave in the same way for my wedding. I have no intention of having her process down the aisle at all, I just want her to be seated at the same time as everyone else and only have bridesmaids, myself and my dad come down the aisle. I’m not close with my mother at all and truthfully we don’t have a good relationship, so it makes no sense to have her featured in that moment. As well as this my partner’s own mother passed away a few years ago, and I don’t want the first thing he sees in the ceremony to be his Mother-In-Law, whom he doesn’t particularly love, coming down the aisle.
Other issues I’m anticipating based on my sister’s wedding are my mother expecting her own special table with a sign saying mother of the bride (actually) and also inviting people I am not close with or friends with. I also expect her to kick up a fuss when I tell her I am only going dress shopping with my Maid/Matron of Honor (no way am I repeating the drama my poor sister experienced with my mother in the bridal shop).
At what point do I let my mum know all of these things and that I won’t be budging on them? Is it better to do it right at the beginning of our planning process (so around now), or wait until the issues come up?
My father has kindly offered to pay for our wedding, or alternatively share that money with us so we can put it towards a house. I wish to go with the latter option, and am budgeting the wedding so that we can pay for it ourself. This means it will be reasonably modest but most modern wedding standards. We may decide to use a small percentage of the deposit money to cover costs, but I’m not sure. My dad says it will be a gift, no strings attached. But my mother wouldn’t see it that way. Hence why I am budgetting expecting to pay entirely for it myself.
My mother also had bizarre views on impressing people and I just know she will look down her nose on any budget aspect of our wedding. But I honestly don’t want a big show!
Any advice appreciated. Did you have a controlling mother? What did you do?